If you hid under tables at restaurants to snatch designer bags off the floor from unsuspecting hos, never returned the laptop you “borrowed” from Chateau Marmont and faked walking pneumonia so the studio that was dumb enough to hire you puts you on a private jet, you too could have a janky Birkin bag, a janky laptop and sit in janky jet (with dirty, cum-stained and dried vomit covered seats) like Lindsay Lohan!
LiLo tweeted this tweet of inspiration today and I know it has moved
a bowel movement out of you. So the next time you’re on your knees, giving a beej to a rich john for money to buy a Chanel knock-off, reach for the stars and by that I mean reach for the Rolex around his wrist and slip it off without him knowing it. You can thank LiLo’s tweet for pushing you toward your life goals.
And here’s everyone’s new life coach carrying that Birkin bag while walking into her hotel in NYC today. If you put your head out your window and listen closely, you can hear a bitch screaming, “That’s my fucking missing Birkin!”