The producers of Scary Movie 5 apparently didn’t know that dealing with Lindsay Lohan is about as pleasant and soothing to the nerves as trying to shit in a public bathroom when the stall door lock is broken and you have to keep it shut with your hand. Everybody knows that trying to brush a shark’s teeth with a baby toothbrush is easier than trying to deal with Blohan’s messy ass, but the producers of Scary Movie 5 are still shocked and surprised that she’s been a cracked out nightmare to work with.
Page Six says that LiLo is only in the movie for a few minutes and only needed to be on set for a few days, so things should’ve gone easy. But since LiLo is a professional fuck up, she missed rehearsal and didn’t get on her flight to the set in Atlanta. LiLo said she had “walking pneumonia” and couldn’t make it to the set, but a source says that she didn’t want to make fun of herself and that’s the real reason why she didn’t show up. In the script, LiLo and Charlie Sheen make fun of themselves for being the human Hindenburg disasters of Hollywood. The script calls for LiLo to kiss on Charlie Sheen and she didn’t want to do that either. The source explained it like this:
“Lindsay missed every meeting she had for the film, including script reads and wardrobe meetings. Then she missed her flight to Atlanta on Sunday to shoot the movie. The producers had been getting signs Friday that she was a mess, and would not be fit to work. She is under contract — so to get out of it, she had to prove that she was sick. She tried to prove she has walking pneumonia. She’s been locked up in her room at the Bowery Hotel. She’s been in a tailspin. Even Charlie Sheen worried she might not be able to do the scene.”
LiLo finally showed up after the studio threatened to sue her for breach of contract and sent a private jet to NYC to pick her up.
First of all, LiLo should want to suck on Charlie Sheen’s gnarly warlock face, because do you know how many lines of the bad shit she can lick off his tongue? Second of all, “walking pneumonia” must be the delusional way of saying chlamydia and flaring coke sores. Third of all, the producers of Scary Movie 5 should’ve just stuck a hidden camera in her stolen suite at the Bowery and put that footage in the movie, because I’m sure there’s nothing more hilariously horrific than seeing Blohan in her natural habitat. Fourth of all, we’ve been getting signs since 10 million Fridays ago that she is a mess.