NOSTRILS. WEAVE. NOSTRILS.

Sometimes the only things you need to really make an album cover work are a pair of flaring nostrils, a hulu skirt that can double as a weave, a whole lot of discount fabric from JoAnn's, an expert Photoshop artiste and a look that says "a fly just landed on the tip of my nose and I'm trying to stare it down." Snooki's identical twin separated at the tanning bed incubator tweeted this cover of her new album "My Body" today. Xtina probably thinks she looks like Marilyn Monroe as photographed by Bert Stern, but bitch really looks like she just woke up from a terrifying nightmare and got caught in the chiffon canopy around her bed.

via @TheRealXtina

Posted by: Michael K

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Christina Aguilera • Photoshop Awards

Submitted by yuelaiyuehen on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 9:49pm.

Submitted by ponyboy on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 1:27pm.

Christina is an Asshole.
Her voice is crap and she looks Like trailor trash..
"Your Body"?! What is she trying to be Mariah now?
First Brittney then lil Kim/P!nk then Gwen then Gaga now Mariah... This dumb bitch needs to find herself!
Or better yet just give up .

Submitted by melissahotness on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 4:13pm.

i don't know why her career is in the gutter considering she is soooo talented but i hope she puts out some good music soon we need some good music on the radio!!!!!

Submitted by Lale on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 2:14pm.

Reminds me of Aubrey O'Day.

Submitted by bigorexia on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 8:38am.

Here is the first single...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhTdTFYlCOs

What do you all think?

I am kind of shocked by the lyrics. Society won't let white girls sing like that. Only black girls get away with it for some reason (Janet, Rihanna etc).

Submitted by Scott in NYC on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:29am.

How someone with such an incredible voice became a has-been by age 31 is amazing. I think the fact that she is, unfortunately, an absolutely hateful beyotch really affected her career. The woman doesn't seem to have a kind or gracious bone in her body and it definitely shows. BUT, she has a gorgeous voice and I hope she uses it effectively on her new album! I wonder if I'm the only one who still loves her album, "Stripped"????

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 11:25pm.

*sings Beautiful*
oooohhhh yeaaahhh
Used to be such a Dirty Girl
I showed my kooch
Made world news
But since I've dropped cause I grossed you out
You didn't care to see my pubic hair
So now I'm Virginal
I changed my slutty ways
Covered up my thong
I am Virginal
We'll see if it will pay
At least for this one song
This ain't a sexy song today
There's a drag queen in the wig
There's a fat girl no one likes
There's an anorexic twig
My pierced nipples ain't in sight
There's a sad boy lifting weights
Gay guys kissing deep and slow
But you won't see my wild state
While you watch this video

Cause I'm Virginal
I won't flash my ass for you
Even if you peg
Cause I'm Virginal
I'm trying something new
Closing up my legs
No more sexy song for you

Unless this don't sell, then I'm going
Right back to being whore

(thanks MadTV)

Submitted by dementa on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 11:21pm.

I think she has a good voice, but she wastes it. She makes herself sound LESS naturally capable by constantly doing that stupid yodeling thing she does. She hasn't changed her vocal style since EVER.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 10:59pm.

*spins around quickly in The Voice chair*

If you pulled that sheet that she's wearing she would spin around like a top. If you need to cover yourself with see through material to look good somethings wrong.

............................................

Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 10:52pm.

I thought it was Blohan. AGAIN!
Ugh, don't think I could bare another album of her caterwauling. She is painful to listen to.

Submitted by Knative on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:17pm.

I can't hate on Christina. She's a mega slut that sows hatred wherever she goes.

Submitted by Snowblood on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:11am.

Lol!! Fucking awesome.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:02pm.

Mmmmmm...Herbie wanted to tap that?

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by bambam on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:00pm.

Submitted by FabulousDivaBuns on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:28pm.

Christina is a one trick pony everything is always vaguely the same and she just doesn't sound good. I wish people who can't actually hear music would just really STFU already. Your opinion is only as good as your facts and your expertise.
----------------------------------------

Funny. Herbie Hancock said Christina was the only singer he ever worked with who was on key all the time. So what are we to make of that?

***************
You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 8:55pm.

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 10:18pm.

Definitely Little Lights, if you have to start somewhere. You're always welcome. And I LOVE B.B. King!

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 8:48pm.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:30pm.
Off Topic. Lucy, if you are still here, just got back from Barnes & Noble. bought 4 CD's and a book. It's like a shopping high:) Anyhow, I'll need to order Kate Rusby. Should I get Little Lights or Make the Light. Too many lights:)
Thanks again for your recommends.
Got a BB King greatest hits on sale:):)

Submitted by jussayin on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 8:14pm.

no it's not my body. it's not hers either. I don't know who the fucks body that could be.

*********★******★*********
"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under
my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 8:00pm.

Who the fuck is this

Submitted by almostfamous88 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:59pm.

...ALL of these hoes better thank the Lord (HOURLY) for photoshop and SPANX

Submitted by FabulousDivaBuns on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:58pm.

I have one thing to say...You Bettah Work.

Submitted by bunnies3 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:57pm.

Hey, Mammy Yoakum hollered; she wants her legs back!

Submitted by FabulousDivaBuns on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:56pm.

Libra's picture
Submitted by Libra on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 8:09pm.

Did she really lose all that weight or is this a case of airbrushing?
-----------------------------------

I think she hired Mimi and Britney's photoshop artistes and hired Oprah's make up artiste to contour her mug. That is not the body she brought to the voice the other day that's what I know.

I have one thing to say...You Bettah Work.

Submitted by purin on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 11:13pm.

The blind auditions episodes are pre taped, not live. Live episodes start when the battle rounds air

Submitted by Boo1212 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:53pm.

I agree about the autotune crap. The inventor should be assassinated and the autotune erased from history. Bring back the real talent!

Be Good to Each Other

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:48pm.

Submitted by FreakGeek on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:50pm.
As god awful as she makes herself look, I have to give props for having actual vocal chops. Britney, Chestica Simpson, Mandy Moore, etc....all the people who debuted around the same time can't hold a candle to her voice.

==========================================

THIS! She may need tons of photoshop, but she's one of the few b!tches today who doesn't need any autotune.

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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)

Submitted by Boo1212 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:44pm.

Ahhh, MK. You always know how to make me unexpectedly chuckle outloud. Kudos, sir, kudos!

Be Good to Each Other

Submitted by kategreensburg on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:38pm.

kategreensburg

call me crazy, but this looks like Janet Jackson in a blonde wig (maybe it's just the way my tablet displays the pic?)

Submitted by Dannii on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:22pm.

not that its important-but she has a real nice shape. love those curves :3

Submitted by C6 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:20pm.

Here go hell come. And lol at "caught in the chiffon canopy".

____
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*

Submitted by lalamaria on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 7:14pm.

Thought this was Heidi montag...

Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:47pm.

It's amazing how without the X-tina label there, just looking at the face I would not have guessed her. I would have gone through the "Real Housewives of..." list first.

Submitted by Libra on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:39pm.

Did she really lose all that weight or is this a case of airbrushing?

Submitted by Saphris on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:27pm.

meh. looks drab.
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Lucifer_Sam: "Do you EVER post anything worthwhile on this site? Do you EVER have a point to make?" In case anyone else was wondering, the answer is "No."

Submitted by Who Datt on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:25pm.

She should kiss the feet of Adam Levine hourly for making her melismatic ass relevant again. It must gnaw at her at a subatomic level that Gaga has run with her career.

Submitted by femguide on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:24pm.

I thought this was Lindsay Lohan with photoshopped hips at first

** http://feministguidetohollywood.blogspot.com **

Submitted by SandwichQueen on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 6:06pm.

Holy jesus I thought that was Lil Kim or Nikki Minaj or one of those disgusting whores. Though Xtina is a disgusting whore too, so whatever.

Submitted by purin on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:47pm.

Wow MK you really got this wrong. This is the cover for her new single 'Your Body', the album is called 'Lotus'.

Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:27pm.

So tired of cheesy hair extensions, but I love the pink and the hips. Big hips don't get enough credit. Hope this song doesn't suck. Maybe it's one of her ballads, which are usually excellent. "Impossible" and "keep on singing my song" are sooo good.

Submitted by Emeriesan on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:26pm.

Meh, I always thought she was the queen of naffness and this does nothing to change my opinion. Super dated graphic design and art direction.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:23pm.

hahahaha, they took in sooo much at her waist that they had to DRAW the hair in.

and did a shitty job too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by FreakGeek on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:20pm.

As god awful as she makes herself look, I have to give props for having actual vocal chops. Britney, Chestica Simpson, Mandy Moore, etc....all the people who debuted around the same time can't hold a candle to her voice.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:18pm.

HAAHAHAH her followers sound like her publicist. They're asking about her inspiration for the new album, the Voice, the new album, the cover, the Voice, the cover, the new album lol

#thevoice and #yourbody ;p

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:13pm.

Hayride extensions! Deb! You made me snort out my tea through my nose!

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:11pm.

I thought it was Lil Kim at first...they sure photoshopped her lard off.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 5:01pm.

Don't like the pic. She looked slimmer on The Voice last night but of course she doesn't yet look like this (assuming she wants to shed all the weight she put on).
I'm a fan so I definitely want to listen to this song.

Oh and LOL at this whole post MK!

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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!