Jessica Simpson Gives Face! Face! (And Only Face!) In Her Weight Watchers Commercial

September 11, 2012 / Posted by:

While sitting in an Ikea showroom, Jessica Simpson says in her Weight Watchers commercial that she’s on her way to losing all the chunk and she’s just a real woman eating real food, and the camera never ever leaves her face the whole time. Will the camera man please take Papa Joe’s wrong ass aside and teach him how to stay focused on Jessica’s face? Because if Papa Joe shot this commercial, we’d be listening to Jessica Simpson talk about how she’s a real woman eating real food while the camera only stayed focused on her real big tits.

Four months after birthing out an amniotic fluid river carrying Baby Maxwell, Jessica Simpson was the first guest on Katie Couric’s new talk show yesterday to talk about how Weight Watchers taught her that queso soup with a side of corn syrup cardboard (aka a Pop Tart) slathered in bacon butter doesn’t count as a meal. Jessica told Katie that she didn’t want to do one of those “before and after” commercials, because that’s just not her and she’s still 10 pounds away from her goal weight. And because, there were scheduling conflicts with Industrial Light & Magic and they were unable to provide the special effects needed to do a “before and after” commercial.

Katie asked Jessica how much weight she’s lost since going on Weight Watchers, but she wouldn’t spit out a specific number and only said that she’s dropped more than 40 pounds. Jessica said in another interview that she weighed in at 170lbs when she got her pregnant ass naked for Elle. So let’s do some math! If I drop the truthfulness and carry the bitch please, I get the number: 130ish.

Jessica’s obviously just shouting out any number that enters her head, but she shouldn’t. Every time a trick wants to know how much she weighs now or how much weight she’s lost since she stopped eating frosting and pie sandwiches for lunch, she should just tell them that the number is written on Papa Joe’s peen and we can go down there if we want to find out. Nobody would go and nobody would ever ask her about her weight EVER again!

Here’s some pictures of Chestica wearing some flowy dress thing while having dinner at Tiny restaurant (no comment) last night and some pictures of her making her way to her interview with Katie Couric while looking like a middle-aged Texas trophy wife turned born again preacher’s wife going to a funeral.

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