STOP EVERYTHING: The Taliban Is Going After Prince Hot Ginge

After burying her beloved Corgi Monty, this is the last thing The Queen needs today. It’s the last thing any of us need. Those stuntin’ minions from deep within the musty asshole of Hell are using Prince Hot Ginge’s name for some shameless publicity. A rep for the Taliban (yes, they have a rep and no, they don’t share one with the Kardashians…I think) announced today that now that they know PHG is stationed at Camp Bastion at Helmond, they’re coming for his crystallized ginger ass cheeks. Monday is already gross and now it’s gotten a lot grosser, because I’m actually copying + pasting a statement from the damn Taliban (via The Daily Beast):

“Prince Harry came to Afghanistan and he is a high value target for us. We will try to arrest him. Because he is an Apache helicopter pilot, he will target us more. If we are not able to arrest him we will target him.”

The Taliban also said that they think sending PHG to Afghanistan is just a propaganda stunt to take the attention away from his naked Las Vegas antics. Yes, they actually said that. Then they kiki’d about Kristen Stewart looking like a haggard skank at TIFF and flipped through Chanel’s lookbook to guess which dress Blake Lively wore to her wedding. Those bitches. If they ever get close to PHG, he’ll just drop his panties and that will make them drop their guns and pick up their iPhones to take pictures of his royal ginger scepter. And you know, they’ll sell those pictures to TMZ too.

Those bitches better watch out, because Prince Hot Ginge WILL gladly fuck all 72 of their virgins and then some.