If you went into your car right now, opened up the ash tray and counted the coins you have in there, you’d basically have half of Dlisted’s photo budget. So because of this, I don’t have the pictures of Rotten Peaches Geldof snatching the Mother of 2012 certificate from Tan Mom’s hand, but you must click on over to The Mirror and spend some time with them, because DAMN. Just a day after Peaches married Sherri (or Terri, I’m not sure) from The Simpsons, she took her 5-month-old baby Astala for a stroll that ended with his little baby legs flying up in the air. Peaches obviously got dropped straight on her head several times as a baby, but shouldn’t she want something different for her own child? Shit.
Peaches was too busy yacking into her iPhone that she didn’t notice a huge hole in the sidewalk. The stroller’s wheel got caught in the hole causing the whole thing to topple over and BOOM! went baby. Unlike her baby, Peaches’ iPhone was firmly strapped in and never left her shoulder as she picked Astala back-up. The dumb bitch was like, “Hey girl, so blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, Ohshit, Whatshisname just fell out of the pram! Don’t be silly! You don’t have to hold. As I was saying before Whathisname rudely interrupted me by almost dying….“
Rotten Peaches went on Twitter to blame the City of London for not fixing the roads and sidewalks. You tell those bitches, Peaches! Something truly terrible could’ve happened! Like Peaches could’ve dropped her iPhone. Do you know how much those things cost?
And if you need to know Baby Astala’s thoughts on this, just look at that picture above. That’s the face of a baby who knows the card he’s been dealt and has already given up on life.