Every White Cockatoo Is Not Amused By This

September 7, 2012 / Posted by:

As UsWeekly pointed out last night, Miley Cyrus showed up to the VMAs last night with Pink’s signature butch bitch mohawk on her head. Pink clearly has this, because she’s had a white cockatoo on the top of her  dome for what feels like years and she really went hardcore by wearing a hair clip that looks parking lot spikes. Don’t back up! Miley clearly doesn’t have this, because (maybe it’s the lighting) but that Jedward mop is almost the exact shade of an old urinal cake and it makes her look a Top Chef reject (because you know, they only accept a certain number of blond mohawks every season).

Yes, Miley looks like if Mad Max took place on top of Honey Boo Boo’s dumpster boutique, but she can easily save this look. All she has to do is get a nose-to-ear chain and add a long fall of microbraids to the back of her heard. The world of glamour just hasn’t been the same since Jane Child disappeared and Miley’s hillbilly chipmunk ass can feel that void.

And since I have other highly important CNN-worthy news stories to get to today, I’m just going throw up a bunch of pictures from last night. Here those bitches are:

Taylor Swift looking like an American Girl doll as a pharmaceutical sales rep (Pro tip of the day: Do not watch Taylor’s high school musical theater performance. Watch Bye, Bye Birdie instead).

Emma Watson serving up some Scooby Snack realness. It’s like something you’d see on Project Runway if the designers had to make a dress out of old Scooby Doo Gang costumes.

Jessica Szohr looking like a miniaturized and deflated Big Ang.

Amber Roast and Wiz Khalifa told anybody with a mic that she’s knocked up. They said it on the red carpet and then he said it on stage. It was annoying when Beyonce did it last year and it was extra annoying when these two bitches did it last night. I guarantee you that if Amber and Wiz announced she’s pregnant in an empty Piggy Wiggly parking lot, they’d get the same reaction they got while announcing it to millions of people last night.

And here’s the rest: Zoe Saldana, Alicia Keys, Green Day, One Direction and Katy Perry.

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