Hot Sluts Of The Day!
Tonight’s the MTV JustPretendWeDontShowVideosAnymoreAndOnlyShowKnockedUpTeenSlut Awards and we should all just assume that MTV will finally do things right by giving the Video Vanguard Award to the only twirling Spanish pop queens from the 80s who deserve it: Locomía!
My aunt has a giant fan hanging over her leather puffy couch in her living room and it’s her way of paying homage to Locomía. Long before, Kunty Karl Lagerfeld chilled the air with the ice cold windy waves of cuntiness that fly off of his weapon of choice, his fan, Locomía filled the air with the shards of glitter that bounced off of their twirling fans. Locomía was known for their matador outfits (which kind of made them look like the luxurious rugs that hang over a chain link fence at the swap meet) and they were also known for their fan twirling skills, which made rabid bulls stop, drop and worship at their feet.
Get into one of their performances below. If your ass lips start to burn with the flames of hotness that shoot out of their eyes, turn around and let their twirling fans cool it for you:
Beyonce, take note! A true queen doesn’t hire a full-time staff member to hold an electric fan at her face so her hair is blowing at all times. A true queen makes their own wind. The wind doesn’t make the queen, the queen makes the wind, bitch.
And all of Locomía’s haters can go ahead and have a seat on their ottoman shoulder pads. Just hold on tight and try not to slide off when they twirl, twirl, twirl!
(For CINNAMONGIRL and CINNAMONGIRL’s sister)