Things That Exist: A Portable, Reusable Toilet Seat Cover
It was either post about this mess or post about Kim Kartrashian talking about the fucking ECONOMY with Maria Bartiromo on CNBC. I went with this, because an infomercial about shit-stained toilets is more informative and less vomit-inducing.
If you're always walking into bathroom stalls that look like someone had an explosive diarrhea moment all up in it, then you need to stop using the bathrooms at Port Authority (they really do all look like that). But if you have to and don't want to rub your bare nalgas all over a stranger's caca marks or try to use those REALLY hard to use paper toilet seat covers, then get yourself a Potty Pax! Potty Pax is a bag that not only tells the world "I'm weird and I like to waste money," but it also has all the tools you need to keep your butt cheeks from kissing random poop splatters. You just put the nylon seat cover over the cacalicious disaster zone, sit on the toilet, do your thing, get up, throw the cover back in the bag, walk around carrying someone else's gross butt germs and then put in your washing machine when you get home. So what if your washing machine is now tainted with someone else's butt discharge! At least your ass cheeks are somewhat clean.
Or you can do what normal people do when a toilet is too gross to use: shit in the sink, bitch!