Things That Exist: A Portable, Reusable Toilet Seat Cover
It was either post about this mess or post about Kim Kartrashian talking about the fucking ECONOMY with Maria Bartiromo on CNBC. I went with this, because an infomercial about shit-stained toilets is more informative and less vomit-inducing.
If you're always walking into bathroom stalls that look like someone had an explosive diarrhea moment all up in it, then you need to stop using the bathrooms at Port Authority (they really do all look like that). But if you have to and don't want to rub your bare nalgas all over a stranger's caca marks or try to use those REALLY hard to use paper toilet seat covers, then get yourself a Potty Pax! Potty Pax is a bag that not only tells the world "I'm weird and I like to waste money," but it also has all the tools you need to keep your butt cheeks from kissing random poop splatters. You just put the nylon seat cover over the cacalicious disaster zone, sit on the toilet, do your thing, get up, throw the cover back in the bag, walk around carrying someone else's gross butt germs and then put in your washing machine when you get home. So what if your washing machine is now tainted with someone else's butt discharge! At least your ass cheeks are somewhat clean.
Or you can do what normal people do when a toilet is too gross to use: shit in the sink, bitch!
via Videogum
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I dormed in college, so I've seen it all. Girl shitting her bed while piss drunk (almost laughed in her face when I saw her washing her comforter the next day), drops of blood all over the toilet seat and floor in one stall, practically brown urine that some kind souls forgot to flush. The worst was probably at camp as a kid, with one stall filled to the brim with diarrhea and heaps of TP. The water was almost black, and for some reason I couldn't look away. God bless whoever cleaned that up.
On a different, but somewhat related note, I was shopping on the weekend and asked the sales clerk if I could try something on. The dressing rooms were locked and as we approached them, a door opened and some sketchy gal steps out and mumbles, “here, you can have this one”. I step in and the stench is gut-turning. Seriously, it was like rotten eggs, spoiled sardines, and dog poop all curdling under the hot sun. I kept thinking of the King of the Hill episode where Bobby stinks up the joint after eating the new minister’s lutefisk. I thought for sure Sketchy Gal had used the dressing room as a toilet and started looking for “evidence” while holding my breath and my nose. I found nothing but the stank of horrendously soiled air. It was so bad I exited after about 10 seconds and asked for another room. The sales clerk apologised and fumigated the offending structure with Lysol.
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"This is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
" . . . the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN". (MK, c.2009)
Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 09/06/2012 - 1:59am.
I thought that one was odd, also. Behold: http://www.go-girl.com/
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I love how they say "it's discreet" ya, nothing more discreet that a chick standing beside you at the urinal taking a pee!
I am crying with laughter at this "product".
And why is it always Americans that think up these things?
lol @ at the first 10 seconds of the video, the mother shielding the daughter from the shit... its like they were at a crime scene or something and saw something horrific. lol
and dirty toilets dont look like that, come on, thats chocolate smeared on that seat.
not even the toilets at mcdonalds look like, nobody smears their poop on toilet seats like they are painting the michaelangelo working on the fresco.
Couldn't even finish watching that commercial; that was absolutely disgusting.
This is just odd...why would you want to wash something like this in your washing machine?!? Talk about gross. I would not want that anywhere near my clothing in the washing machine.
I remember a product they used to sell called "Go Girl". It was basically a device women can use to urinate in when they cannot find a public toilet. I thought that one was odd, also. Behold: http://www.go-girl.com/
I must be honest...I would SO rather do my business anywhere other than that nasty bathroom I saw in this dumb video. Ugggh...the horrid bathrooms I have seen. The worst one was in South Beach - Miami. It was like Calcutta in July (now called Kolkata).
Have to give props to everyone who commented in this thread. Very informative and entertaining! : D D :
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 7:39pm.
Don't hover. That's how pee gets on the seat in the first place!
THANK YOU!!! Would that more women realized this. Public toilets are nasty because you piss all over them. "I don't wanna get crabs from a public toilet!" No honey, you probably had those BEFORE you sat down in the ladies' room. I mean, do you have thick coarse hair all over your ass & thighs? Cuz that's all pubic lice can hang onto to get from one host to the next.
"But I don't wanna get [name of STD] from a toilet seat!" Do you have huge, runny, gaping wounds on your ass? Because that's the ONLY WAY any viruses or bacteria are getting in there. Dumbasses are just blaming their STDs on the poor oft-maligned public turlet. And making up excuses to shit all over the walls. It's FUN! [/end rant]
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:14pm.
...I'm still too traumatized to go in there, for all i know , the shit still sticks there. I would happily shit myself in my car before i use that place to take a dump.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
[deep breath]
OMG Uby, I was screeching with laughter! Tomorrow, I will work "I would happily shit myself in my car" into a conversation.
OT: I'm too grossed out to even comment on this new "product." OK, except to say it's better than what MK could've posted (and, thank you merciful Jesus, did not).
P.T. Bull, a lot of toilets in Mexico don't have seats either. And you never see any toilet seat covers. Still, I have encountered worse toilets here in the U.S. : /
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Because when I line a public toilet seat, I like to pack up whatever I lined it with and throw it in my purse!
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:38pm.
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Least you didn't have to touch the disgusting toilet seats, though you might have fallen in, LMAO!!
And you don't have Paruresis. Count yourself lucky! hahhaha Yeah, that's weird having someone there while you're trying to do you doing the business. hahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Can't focus between all the pooh talk, phone calls, and poly-tics on the tee vee, either.
Nite, and passionate (but non-bathroom) fondles to all!
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I have so many stories, but for another day....
Ok, anybody see the flaw in this product that they kind of skipped right over? Well, after you take your first dump with this thing, the backside of it is all covered with shit, piss, vomit, and pubic hairs, and you have to touch the thing and clean it, and put it back into its little packet.
And what do you suppose that little packet smells like when you open it to use it the second time? I don't want to know.
Ok, one story. I am in a major south american city wanting to release some intestinal pressure. I go into a public restroom and their is no seat on the toilet. So I go "Well, this one is broken, need to find another one..."
Well, I soon learn that south america isn't into toilets seats like we are. They have toilets with the two holes where you can screw in a toilet seat, but its just the china to sit on. It seemed horrid to me, though its no different than a toilet seat that has had a thousand people sit on it.
Ok, one more. So, in another public restroom in south america. Got a couple trough urinals maybe totaling 20 feet in total length. And against the bathroom wall at one end is an elderly hispanic woman sitting in a chair next to a mop and bucket. Staring at nothing looking as bored as one can be.
Now all of my socialization says that one does not pee in front of a woman who is a total stranger, so I struggled. But I figured, I would be the millionth dick she has seen pee over a lifetime spent in this job, so why should I care of she doesn't. Did what I had to do, but awkward...
That's even worse! Same thing with that stick where you stick TP on the end and wipe and then flush. Then you have to wash that stick and everyone is going to stare. Eww.
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
@Can be
Pooh is an entirely different matter. Squeeze those asscheeks like an Olympian to make it home to your personal, and clean, poop-receptacle. :D
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Submitted by tomahawk on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:05pm.
O-M-G
I can't bear to read all your comments *lol*
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I know, the longer they are, you know the grosser they are, right? ;)
Submitted by BaconSlut on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:49pm
Drop trou and squat about 6 inches over. Pull your underthangs as far as you can from the bowl.
Yes, I concur, this is the best for pee. Poo though, you got to go the TP route.
Mr. Pushy says I come out of the bathroom looking like I'm going in to perform surgery. Hands all up in the air:)
Couldn't read most comments. Very weak stomach.
Just came in to say Good night.
O-M-G
I can't bear to read all your comments *lol*
Okay, I'm probably showing my age in more ways than one here.
I had no idea what this was until my kid had a party at the house and the next day I woke to raucous laughter and gagging from my kid and his best friend coming from the bathroom. Apparently a "guest" left what's called an upper decker in the upstairs toilet. He shit in the toilet tank instead of the bowl.
Lovely. I hope it wasn't a girl but I know from experience many of us women are just as disgusting as men in the bathroom.
I had an aunt who *gag* threw used tampons in the corner of her bedroom. She was a hoarder and had some neuroses about throwing them away, even the used ones. *vomit*
Nj has THE WORST public toilets I've EVER encountered in the us or Europe...
Thank you for the input, Neat Hoverers!
Perhaps I am blessed with a nice neat stream. Yes, I have hovered, although I prefer to paper and sit. What I suspect is that the Messy Hoverers just bend over and aim it back toward the wall, instead of positioning their pee-maker directly over the water.
Ugh. This is making me queasy, thinking about all this.
Oh yeah, that's real sanitary *gag*
You have to handle it quite a bit after u are done.
Ewwwwww that is disgusting!!! MK is right.
Who would want to bring home those nasty ass germs.
@Hekks
*raising hand* Hoverer, here! :)
Drop trou and squat about 6 inches over. Pull your underthangs as far as you can from the bowl. Toss your whiz SLOWLY, wipe, and get outta there after you flush the toilet with your Crocs. Or, whatever favored footwear.
Speaking from experience, Crocs work well in this kind of sit-chee.
Hand washing and exiting tips, are, of course, extra!
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Hekki, its a matter of how a pussy is build. I guess some urethras are just meant to splatter while others pee tidily...Hair also will distract the "flow" and it could get messy.
This concludes my Pee Studies for tonight.
Question for the Messy Hoverers*:
How do you get the pee all overthe seat and not all over yourSELF????
* because it's impossible to wet a toilet seat when you're sitting on it, and I will acknowledge that it's possible to hover and get every drop in the toilet.
@RichBitch
"Restrooms" are purely for the exclusive and elusive country club set. All others (self included) need to take their chances. ;)
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Frigging stupid WiFi. Incompetent bitches.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by NDNchief on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:02pm.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:56pm.
I'm confused. Is NDNChief a dude or just a girl with a peen?
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Straight dude. I thought that Dog, Jack, Sucky and me were the only breeders on Dlist. . .
sound off if your not one of these 4 and a straight dude
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Holy shit, another one! I'M A WOMAN, YOU DICKWEED!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:56pm.
I'm confused. Is NDNChief a dude or just a girl with a peen?
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Straight dude. I thought that Dog, Jack, Sucky and me were the only breeders on Dlist. . .
sound off if your not one of these 4 and a straight dude
That vid was hilarious, I can see the director: "No, a little more vertical shitstaining on the front, yes, that's better. Good, very realistic."
Walked into a public restroom at an ice rink with tons of children and instantly got smacked in the face with a wall of vomit smell. Really had to pee so I held my breath and hurried. Walking out I glance at the offending stall (which of course was open - UGH) and I see BLACK CHUNKS THAT LOOK LIKE COAL all over the toilet seat! WHAT??? How does that even happen??? QUE HORRIBLE
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Just here for the fun
Submitted by mike on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:34pm.
You work at a Talbot's, right? :)
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Close. Military Exchange. America`s Heroes have weird bathroom habits...
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:27pm.
Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:22pm.
And why do you 'mericans call the bog "the restroom"
^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, like calling it the "bog" is so brilliant.
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I like saying lavatory to old people.
I'm confused. Is NDNChief a dude or just a girl with a peen?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by mike on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 8:47pm.
C'mon, y'all! More worst public restroom stories!
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This one time when I was a street pharmacist; I was huddled in a stall with 2 other people on the conference floor(there was no conference at the time) of the hotel at Pechanga Casino at 4am.
"To be a dope man you must qualify; don't get high on your on supply(Eazy-E)."
Well. . . sometimes you gotta dip in a packet to keep awake. So there I am in a public stall with 2 others. . .smoking an undisclosed substance. Then a Security Guard comes in. . .I'm holding my breath. . . we saw the guards boots shuffle past and then leave.
We finish. . . then go to the staircase to smoke the good shit and I took a piss through the spiral stair case. . .
This post just reminded me that the NDN y'all know. . .is not one y'all would of wanted to know back then.
It's like that EP from friends. . .when Phoebe had to go into street Phoebe mode and she told her Friends to go away cuz Street Phoebe would never associate with "you people".
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:27pm.
Oh, like calling it the "bog" is so brilliant.
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Well it's certainly more accurate! ;-p
Why would anyone with more than 1/2 a brain ask mentally limited sex tape piss princess & cum dumpster kim whoretrashian ANYTHING that required functioning neurons to answer? Has the mainstream media finally jumped the shark by featuring her in a interview on anything besides how to best give a blowjob? Her answers are going to be limited to "I want one of those in gold", "I'll get to sucking right now" and "Sure, piss away..."
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:14pm.
I hover and my aim is immaculate...;-). Seriously, we have a bathroom at work that is used by customers as well. In one of the stalls someone managed to shit on the door. IDK if they were throwing up and shitting at the same time, eitherway, the shit stayed on the door for 4 months. 4 FUCKING MONTHS. Nobody wiped the fucking shit of the door. I m still too traumatized to go in there, for all i know , the shit still sticks there. I would happily shit myself in my car before i use that place to take a dump.
You work at a Talbot's, right? :)
Thank you MK for this post instead of the alternative!!
---------- Dying’s for amateurs. C. Sheen
Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:22pm.
And why do you 'mericans call the bog "the restroom"
^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, like calling it the "bog" is so brilliant.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
@Mike
My grossest public toilet experience? Accidentally launching my key chain into a college bar toilet.
You never want to face such a dilemma, post whiz, with your shorts bunched up around your ankles. Trust.
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Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 09/05/2012 - 9:22pm.
And why do you 'mericans call the bog "the restroom" when all they seem to do is induce stress and fear?!
heh! excellent question
And why do you 'mericans call the bog "the restroom" when all they seem to do is induce stress and fear?!