When a trick spends an entire night with Lindsay Lohan at Chateau Marmont, the first thing she does in the morning is pull her valuables out of Kleptohan’s booty bag of a cooch. The next she does is wash away Lindsay Lohan’s stank with alcohol-based hair dye. That’s obviously the reason for why Lana Del Taco dyed her usually red locks a shitty shade of MEH and showed it off at last night’s GQ Men of the Year Awards in London. I’ve seen painted up corpses lying in coffins that give more expressive facial expressions than Lana does, but at least the ginger hair made her look like she belonged on Team The Living if we ever got into a humans vs. zombies war. But now, she looks like cold death on ludes.
If you’re ever out of Ambien, and for some reason Lana Del Rey and Kristen Stewart are in the room with you, just ask them to take turns giving each other really sad news using only their facial expressions. Watching those two miserables bitches try to out-Emo each other will put you out faster than watching paint dry on a Kate Bosworth cardboard cutout.