Courtney Stodden Wants Playboy, Playboy Wants Nothing To Do With Her Plastic Iguana Ass

When Courtney Stodden turned 18 in human years on Wednesday, porn companies threw offers at her, because DUH. Well, nasty pervs who were hoping to fap to an iguana in a blond wig humping on human man peen will have to get their bestiality kicks elsewhere, because Courtney turned all those porn offers down. Courtney said on Twitter that she’s saving her newly legal nipples for Playboy. You’d think that since Hugh Hefner lives in an aquarium inside of the Playboy Mansion and only eats brown wilted lettuce fed to him by one of the whores from his blonde harem that he’d be into having a porn iguana like Courtney Stodden on the cover of his magazine, but he’s not.

A source type tells TMZ that the chances of an actual human saying “Nope, Doug Hutchison is not creepy at all!” are greater than Courtney’s naked body gracing the pages of Playboy. Playboy said that they have never put out an offer to Courtney and they will never ever put out an offer to her, because she looks “too enhanced.“

Playboy thinks a skank looks TOO enhanced? I didn’t think it was possible, but I just rolled my eyes and coughed up a laugh through my butt at the same time. It’s true, though. Playboy only selects flowers who have sprouted from nature like Pamela Anderson, Holly Madison, Denise Richards, Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan and Jenny McCarthy. But seriously, Playboy will regret this decision when they walk into a pet store and see dozens of amphibians jacking their tails off to Courtney’s naked cover of Reptiles magazine.

Here’s Courtney wearing a red dildo cozy while leaving her house on her 18th birthday.