Open Post: Hosted By Tan Mom Being A Sad, Slurry, Drunk Wreck
So much for that tan-under. Since Tan Mom is so used to getting roasted, Bianca Del Rio and Lady Bunny tried to roast her ass at an event called "Tan Mom at Hot Mess" at the gay club XL in NYC last night, but it's kind of impossible to roast something that keeps drunkenly falling off the grill while shouting at everybody. From the video (via Gawker), this doesn't look like a roast. It looks like a tragic performance art piece about the life and times of White Oprah.
On the red carpet before the roast, Tan Mom fell over and a source tells The Post that she attacked a drag queen. They eventually got her on stage, but once she was there she was incoherent, cursed bitches out and kept blabbering on about how she didn't put her kid in a tanning bed (cut to her kid locked in a tanning bed at home, because a locked tanning bed IS the best babysitter). It ended with Tan Mom getting kicked off the stage.
You should immediately download this video to your phone, because the next time one of your friends gets on your ass for being a sloppy drunk who is known to pass out on a McDonald's toilet after barfing into it, show them this. At least you don't get as messy as this mess.
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Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:42pm.
thank you. it's not like there wasn't a mens bathroom AND an alley next to the building. prima donnas -- "i have to go in the ladies room, waaaaa"
;-)
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Foxxy - no. The psych asked me to describe incidents and certain behaviors and if there was a time frame, or an event that made it worse, which there is, so....
M.E......I hope you and your family are ok. And Cupcake, I'm really sorry for your loss. :,( *hugs to both* <3
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
hi Irish!
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:40pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:27pm.
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:)Gotta love those cheesy 80's vids.
Submitted by bridgjones on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:32pm.
I feel for her kids. You get that shit out of you before you have them, you know?
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Ed-zactly.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:35pm
i'll see you an OE 800 drunk at mom's house and raise you a getting caught on a MD 20 20/Boone's Farm drunk at family reunion [older cousins got blamed for making me drunk but i was the one mixing the drinks haha]. then next day non-express Greyhound bus ride from Ohio to DC. on 4th of July. through towns having 4th of July parades with marching bands.
bad times, bad times
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
UBF....you better thank baby Jesus for inventing technology!!! Hahahaha
www.poopreport.com :)
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Thanks Cuppy and hugs and kisses to you too. Sorry for your loss.
Omg Foxxy, those rude ass bitches!! Didn't they know you were having a moment?!?!?! Lolol
Bambam....I cant stop laughing!!! Hahaha
I needed the drunken ho stories. Thanks you guys!!! :)
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Thanks all! I'll bring a box of tissues with me.
Mel, I have no idea what happened to the tape but the advance to digital cameras worked in my favor. Soon nobody will own a device to watch that shit even of they find the tape
Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:37pm.
Thank you Bizzare. I really appreciate that!
Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:25pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:20pm.
Since I been there, done that, puked on the t-shirt, thank you for allowing me to see it from the male's point of view, and please accept my apologies on their behalf.
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LMAO, that's funny Kiz, ah don't worry about it because if we do win that fight you women are more that appreciative:) Truth be told we actually we feel good about being THE man and protecting you if we win those ones. It may sound old school but I don't think that ever changes for guys.
If your man doesn't fight or at least TRY he's a pussy.....
*call me* lol!
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:31pm.
Best of luck to you and yours.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Bad behaviour is always good when it's not you're own, I always say.
I'll say this for tanning mom. At least she didn't take a Scott Disick piss in a waste basket (so he wouldn't splash his shoes) and then kick it over the floor. Dirty fricken c*nt.
Now that I have ^ out of the way. Maybe some panty liner company can (should) sponsor tanning mom. They'd get plenty exposure.
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Sucky - Ultimate Grand Supreme Dlisted Celebrity
http://youtu.be/kYrxbOV_znM
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:31pm.
AWWW M.E ((((((((hugs)))))))
Try to stay calm and be glad you will be getting him some help to address whatever the problem may be. Try to think positively! I know it is hard.
Sending good thoughts your way!
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:27pm.
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:12pm.
*hands Whamo large glass Rye.*
I like Manhattans so I like me a little rye
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*slams back Rye starts getting a little too close to Ms Fury, doesn't care cause he likes her and figures tonight she WILL be mine*
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LMAO!
HERE, I want you to be singing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZvl2aqIyNg
The world's worst video but great song!
(You don't dress or dance like this do you? 'Cause we'll have to have a huge breakup if you do...)
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:31pm.
hang in, M.E. you and D will work through this, and if you and D don't like this guy you'll find another doctor. not cool for the psych to have an alarmist communication style though...
btw, how is the big bitch?!!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:31pm.
I just got a call back from the psychologist, Big D has his first appointment next Wednesday. I am shaking. He seemed pretty alarmed when I discussed the issues we were having.
*cries*
Hopefully we'll get some answers now and Big D can start feeling normal again.
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Wish you and Big D the best, M.E.!
@Evil Cupcake:
So sorry to hear about your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.
UBF...lmao!! I hope you have the tape in your possession!! Hahaa
The first time I ever got drunk was when I was a Senior in hs. My friend's parents were out of town, and it was only supposed to be about six of us, but word got out and soon there were about 40 ppl. Typical teen movie, etc. But this was back in the '80's, before cell phones, so that was big for then. Lol
Anyway, I hadn't planned on doing the nasty that night, so I decided to be comfortable and wear my Hanes granny panties. I had to pee at one point, and didn't lock the door. In the middle of my tinkle, my good friend busts in with a big ass video camera and starts taping away. All I see are flashbulbs going off and someone yelling 'she wore her granny panties too!' I laughed it off then, but was completely humiliated on Monday when my friends kept reminding me about my underwear choice that evening. And my friend still has the picture. :(
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Geez, i should print out these pictures.
I've been alcohol free for a year now due to a health problem but it is possible i could drink again, moderately. i'm really debating it though. i could tell many many stories of drunkenness and have ended up like tan mom too many times.
i miss margaritas the most, but i don't know if i can be moderate! (plus it remains to be seen if i can get my liver thing under control).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Amnesty International
Shine a Light
My worst drunk was a little weed with Old English 800 Malt Liquor, real ghetto stuff. Don't remember what I was doing but it was a Sunday nite and mom had put away dinner, roast beef and gravy, cabbage and mac and cheese.
This was before microwaves (or before we got one) and I piled a plate with all that stuff, only the gravy was hot. I ate every last bit of that food.
Man, I remember puking going down the basement stairs, puking in the toilet, puking coming back up the stairs, keeping it together long enough to clean the stair puke (and falling in it, a streak from my calf to my ribcage,) going upstairs and falling into bed where I was suddenly transported to an amusement park ride that had the room spinning like crazy, then puking the last of it in a streak from my pillow to the trash can on the side of the bed. I flipped the pillow over, grabbed the sides of the bed since I didn't have a seat belt and fell asleep. I never, ever drank that stuff again. That shit is straight rot gut.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:31pm.
:-( You poor thing.
I'm glad he's getting the help he needs. Remember, what you're doing for him is a good thing and a necessary thing.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
ME...*hugs*
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by luvsmekitty on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:12pm.
Thank you very much. Everyone is doing well. Her life was celebrated which made things easier, vs hand wringing wailing, which makes everyone feel awful.
I feel for her kids. You get that shit out of you before you have them, you know?
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:29pm.
Oh Lordy, that's hilarious!
Gee, all of these fucking stories and tales of drunken fuckery...kind of makes me wonder why the alcoholz is even legal.
Seems to me that it would be much safer to just sit behind a big bong and listen to some Floyd.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
I just got a call back from the psychologist, Big D has his first appointment next Wednesday. I am shaking. He seemed pretty alarmed when I discussed the issues we were having.
*cries*
Hopefully we'll get some answers now and Big D can start feeling normal again.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:28pm.
do WE know each other? lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:16pm
my story [ok one of my stories] is similar. except that it was a bathroom in my friend's bar/restaurant with a bunch of pissy (literally) bitches lined up in front of it, i was not passed out and could hear people banging on the door and yelling at me but was too wasted to get up from the corner i had crawled into to rest my eyes for a bit [rude people], and they had to pick the lock to get me out. then i went to sleep in a booth of the corner of the restaurant section
good times, good times
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
YAAAASSS! Tequila does make the ladies act all Billy Badass. My friend had a few shots and wanted to fight people for "looking at her wrong". Then she had an epic crying jag. Yeeaaahhh, good times...
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:12pm.
*hands Whamo large glass Rye.*
I like Manhattans so I like me a little rye
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*slams back Rye starts getting a little too close to Ms Fury, doesn't care cause he likes her and figures tonight she WILL be mine*
Sans Fards, we need to talk ! ________________________________
Dark-sided!
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:20pm.
Since I been there, done that, puked on the t-shirt, thank you for allowing me to see it from the male's point of view, and please accept my apologies on their behalf.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Omg Baconslut, LOLOLOLOL!! I would have totally helped you safety pin that shit, but would have been crying laughing hysterically in the process. Good times. Hahahaha.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
@DD, I used to be able to handle beer like a champ, relative to my size (I'm a shrimp). Never could do liquor, though; one cocktail is all I can have, and if I drink any more I'll feel lightheaded and will get sick soon. Wine doesn't sit well with me either. So now I just stick to light beer with the occasional microbrew.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
My Dad was born and raised on Ketchikan Island in Alaska. Rural kids have nothing to do but get in trouble. He had lots of stories, but that one was the best.
He stopped drinking altogether in his early 20s when he was in the Army and his drunken fool ass thought he could swim the English Channel. At night. That was his wake up call.
LOL you silly heaux...cracking up at these stories.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:06pm.
God. Women and tequila, brrrrrrrrrrrr. That stuff will make 'em rob gas stations and pick fights with gangbangers.
do we know each other?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
The only time I have been *this* drunk, I was in Sebana Seca, PR. I got so wasted at the bar that once I was carried into my room I felt the barfs come. I ended up in the shower with the water on with my clothes on for God knows how long until I came to. Oh, the "panty removers" that bartender made went down SMOOTH.
@ Sans Fards
I don't handle booze well either. Esp. the hard stuff. My Mom is the same way.
Migraine....Ololololol!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:05pm.
I am addicted to the Song Pop app.
Someone help me. I need an intervention.
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*mental image of Dlisters lining up to shake & slap M.E. a la "Airplane"*
Ahem, straighten up, there, M.E. *pats shoulder, covers app button with HELLO KITTY sticker*
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by bambam on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:06pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:41pm.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:36pm.
@ Whamo
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God. Women and tequila, brrrrrrrrrrrr. That stuff will make 'em rob gas stations and pick fights with gangbangers. Make us flinch when you try to touch us the next day. Tequila is bad juju for the girls.
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Or the ones that get behind you and start mouthing off to some dude who can kick you ass. You can't get her to settle down and buddy is now starting to mouth her off and let's face it, you can't let him run her down too much. Next think you know you're squaring off against Guido the killer pimp while your girl's going "that's right baby, you kick his fucking ass" and YOU'RE thinking WTF, how did I get into this shitstorm? on top of that ALL that you actually secretly AGREE with the dude, I mean you're girl is being a mouth piece and now you're about to maybe get your ass handed to you!! LOL!!!!
In the corner of your eye (the one you're not going to be able to see out of in about 42 seconds ) you see your GF ordering yet another shot of Tequila
The worst drunken foolery of mine involved playing Quarters. After passing out on my friends toilet with my pants around my ankles and drunkenly falling off, i kept drinking and eventually one of the other drunks decided he should kill himself and do so by jumping from a second story window. His dumb ass wouldnt have even broken a bone, but we called the cops anyway. It ended in him being hauled off, cops with their flashlights raiding an apartment littered with bottles , condom wrappers and drunk people sprawled out on the floor and other shit. The whole act was accidentally caught on cam, which we had left running earlier that night. God, NEVER have i been so embarrassed. That was the last time i got really drunk, come to think of it.
Tequila is a harsh mistress. *shudders* Haven't drank any since my college days....I don't handle liquor very well in general, so I just stick to beer...but I did some stupid shit after the Patron came out for the night.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Omg Migraine....that story had me in tears over here!!! Lololol
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Migraine - LMAO!
When BH and I were dating, I was at a friends house for 4th of July swimming, taking jello shots, drinking God knows what. Called BH to pick me up. Ran straight to the bathroom and locked the door and puked up all my insides, then passed out, face in toilet bowl. BH said he got worried when he didn't hear me wretching anymore and tried to get me to open the door, but, I was passed out and couldn't hear him. He had to bust down the bathroom door. He was SO pissed at me.
He got me back though. Even stevens.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:04pm.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:58pm.
hi - glad you're ok. what are conditions like in your neighborhood?
and good luck with the marriage situation!!
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Thanks Foxxy. Actually, only my back fence was damaged. No flooding. The wind dropped a tree on a neighbor's car and some people lost shingles off the roof along with a few more downed trees, but overall we made out ok. We actually have a sliver of sunshine right now.
Still raining at VP's house. He went home (for his son's sake, so he says). He's been texting me on the regular. Not sure what to do concerning him...