Afternoon crumbs

August 30, 2012 / Posted by:

QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s the last holiday weekend of the summer in the US, and so I’m taking my pasty carcass to the beach tonight. If the news tells you to stay away from Long Island, because a bloated sea creature more terrifying than the Montauk Monster has washed up on shore, it’s just me passed out on my towel again. So because I’ll be doing that, it will be a little lighter around here until Tuesday. And speaking of beaches (and bloated bitches)…

The beach in Seaside Heights has officially declared been safe by the Health Department, because MTV has ended our long national nightmare by canceling Jersey Shore. Parents can finally let their kids go into the water without them worrying about coming back with Syphilis. I can’t wait to see the Duck Phone in the new season of Celebrity Rehab. – The Superficial 

When are we going to find out that Winona Ryder is really an ageless vampire? – Lainey Gossip

“Saving the world….” Yeah, that’s what I say I’m doing when I’m really trolling for tricks on Grindr – Towleroad

Kelly Brook’s dress looks like the Hello Kitty pencil case I stole from my sister – Hollywood Tuna 

Aubrey HO’Day is so resourceful. I mean, turning a child’s seatbelt into a pair of panties… – Drunken Stepfather

Oh, don’t mind Lea Michele, she’s just looking for her humility – The Berry 

In other words, Rosie O’Donnell’s new wife better make sure she passes every “smell yo poon” test – Celebitchy

Ke$hit’s pussy looks traumatized – Just Jared

If the trick suing Kris Humphries for giving her the Herp gets any money out of this, Derek Jeter is screwed – ICYDK

I’d like to think that Mila Kunis showing her midriff is her way of letting us know that no, she’s not knocked up with AssStain Kutcher’s baby – Popoholic

I hope JLo’s 3D concert movie co-starring Casper Smart is rated under PG-13 or the theater might not let him in to see it – Popsugar

The hell did they do to Goofy? – OMG Blog

That low-budget blue background is making Beyonce and Anderson Cooper look like human Shrinky Dinks – SOW

Michael Keaton will play a villain in the remake of the last movie that needs to be remade – Hollywood Rag

Are we sure this isn’t really fan art of Phoebe Price as Ke$hit? – Cityrag

Bush (the first one) doing an impersonation of Dana Carvey doing an impersonation of Bush (the first one) – Videogum

Today’s “fighting the hot” moment is brought to you by ASkars looking like Kristen Stewart in Panic RoomI’m Not Obsessed

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