Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden’s Very Special Birthday Present

August 29, 2012 / Posted by:

18 years ago today, a 45-year-old skankified worker at the Wet ‘N Wild factory was stirring a giant vat of boiling orange foundation when a half-brained baby iguana ran onto her feet, scared her and caused her to fall. As she fell into that vat of boiling orange foundation, she grabbed the baby iguana’s tail and brought it down with her. The other factory workers heard a splat, a boom and then they felt a strange sensation like they were just touched inappropriately by the Four Horsemen. And that’s when out of the vat of boiling orange foundation came the mutant iguana goddess we all know as Courtney Stodden!

Today is Courtney’s 27th annual 18th birthday and not only did she get the gift of a bunch of porn offers, but her fat Aileen Wuornos-looking husband Doug Hutchison gave her an Italian Greyhound they named DOURTNEY.

Poor little Derpney is saying everything with his traumatized. So young and already hates life.

via E! News

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