The chlorine-covered (bro)mance between Ryan Lochte and Cullen Jones wasn’t the only flower of true love that bloomed during the Olympics. Today, Geri Halliwell is receiving a special basket full of industrial-strength condoms and different kinds of topical ointments from The Department of Health, because apparently Russell Brand is spreading his dick chutney all over her ginger biscuit.
The Sun says that the ex-Mr. Katy Perry was dating American piece Isabella Brewster, but he put her on the curb so he could be with Geri full-time. Russell has always had a thing for Geri and after the two met up again during the Closing Ceremonies at the Olympics, they started dating and now suddenly it’s “very serious.” The two have been seen on a few dates all over London, and this past weekend they took Geri’s daughter Bluebell Madonna on a tour of Hampton Court Palace. A source says that after two weeks of dating, they’re already in love and shit:
“Things are getting very serious between them — they’re a proper couple now. They had met several times in the past, but really got to know each other during the Olympics. People thought Russell was joking at the time, when he said he had a crush on Geri all over again, but it was true. They just clicked — they have so much in common. He is spending so much more time in London just to be with her.”
Russell Brand was married to Katy Perry for about as long as it took me to swallow three 100-calorie bags of cheese popcorn just now (SPOILER ALERT: 35 seconds) and he dated that Isabella girl for less than that and now he’s suddenly in love with Ginger Spice? Uh huh. Blueballs Madonna has nothing to worry about. I know she’s sick of getting the spooks every time she gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and runs into her half-naked “Uncle Cher” going down to the kitchen, but he’ll be gone soon. Russell will dump Geri after he meets and falls in love with (insert the name of literally anything. Anything. If you typed “crocheted tampon cat toy,” you’re right. Russell will eventually fuck and fall in love with that).
And since we’re on the subject of ginges and Katy Perry, here’s the two together in L’Officiel Paris (via HuffPo).