Dlisted guest blogger extraordinaire Sweetas e-mailed me last night about Kleptohan’s latest act of thievery and she totally called when she said that crackburglar will cry out, “It’s in the black girl’s twat!” Because TMZ says that Lindsay Lohan is pointing her sticky finger straight at Suge Knight’s son Andrew Knight. You’re probably not reading any of this, because as soon as you saw that picture of Andrew Knight, you immediately turned around to let him see that thong.
LiLo has reached deep up into her ass and pulled out one of her old excuses by blaming the black kid. Andrew Knight was also at the all-night party at Sam Magid’s Hollywood Hills home when $100,000 worth of watches and sunglasses went missing. Sam apparently told the police that on the day of the theft, two of LiLo’s friends, Andrew Knight and another dude, came up to him and handed him a bag with a few pieces of the stolen stuff wrapped in HER t-shirt. It gets better. When Sam and LiLo talked about the burglary later on, she told him that she hid some of his expensive stuff around his house, because she didn’t want the thieves to steal more shit. LiLo doesn’t really remember where she hid the stuff, because she was high on Ambien at the time. Sam also told the cops that her last words to him were, “I’m sorry. Please pray for me.”
After LiLo put the blame on Suge Knight’s son, he denied it all and the cops believe him, because LiLo is still their main suspect.
I don’t know whether LiLo is the dumbest bitch alive or the boldest bitch alive, or a lot of both. I’m going to go with the former, because she truly is the worst jewel thief of all-time. My abuelita’s half-blind fat chihuahua who has IBS would’ve done a better job. Ambien + a house full of cracked out bitches + $100,000 worth of jooree lying around = the easiest jewel heist ever.
Bitch should’ve drugged everybody with the Ambien, stole all that jewelry while they were all knocked out, quickly hid the stuff where nobody will ever look (examples: White Oprah’s panties or the drawer where her agent keeps her headshots and resumes) and then come back to the house to rub some random party guest’s hand all over the soon-to-be crime scene before passing out with everybody else. It’s not hard!
Maybe the realization that she sucks at thieving will fall into her head when Suge Knight hangs her over a hotel balcony.