Open Post: Hosted By Reverend Jesten Peters

August 27, 2012 / Posted by:

Hurricane Isaac (who looks like this, obviously) is headed for Louisiana, and Louisiana has Reverend Jesten Peters and her congregation at the Keys of Authority Ministries to thank for that, because they prayed hard for the hurricane to take its bitchy ass far away from the Republican National Convention in Tampa, FL. It worked, because God reset Hurricane Isaac’s navigation system and pushed it away from Tampa. Rev. Peter said this to the CBN (via Towleroad):

“We have had lots and lots of people praying around the clock that it would move, and after you watch from the very beginning where they were saying it was coming and now where they say it is going, then it has really moved out of the way for us and we appreciate God doing that and moving it for us!”

Now that they have successfully prayed Isaac away, Rev. Peters and her congregation should pray for God to give her at least another inch of brows, because a high-ranking lady of the lord should have an eyebrow situation that takes souls higher. Also, every time I pray to God, I hear the sound of a click followed by a dial tone. It’s really weird. So maybe Rev. Peters and her congregation can pray that a naked Prince Hot Ginge (or just a naked ginge with a working ginge peen, or just a naked ginge without a working peen but an extra large carrot in his hand… I’m not picky) lands on my front door. Only they can ayúdame.

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