A while ago, there was a rumor that Welsh pop opera singer and former Dancing with the Has-Beens loser Katherine Jenkins has heard David Beckham’s Minnie Mouse-like orgasm moans while the two wet humped on each other a few times. The rumor came back up on Twitter over the weekend and so in a few tweets, Katherine basically told Posh to stop making plans to nibble on the calorie-free parts of her soul, because she’s never been bare nipple to bare nipple with Becks.
Dear Twitter friends, I’ve read some horrible rumours on here & want u 2 know I absolutely deny I’ve had an affair with David Beckham. The rumours are very hurtful, untrue & my lawyers tell me actionable. I’ve only met David twice: once at the Military Awards in 2010 & on a night out in the West End in Feb 2012. We were out in a group of friends & it was just a normal fun evening out. Just so we are clear I have never been on my own with him and never arranged to meet up.
The Sun says that some 17-year-old crazy on Twitter wasn’t having Katherine’s denials and threatened to shank her shit up if Posh & Becks ever broke up. Katherine had to call the police, because the 17-year-old troll said that “she is dead when I get her” and “I will kill that slut.” So stick your head out the window and kiss the air, because we’re all living in a time when some sort-of-famous-but-not-really opera singer has to go to the police over death threats she’s getting from some stupid bitch on Twitter. If Katherine never got any dick from Becks, I’d be pissed if I was her. She should tell Becks that he has to tap that coochie at least once now that she’s getting death from dumb pieces of teen trash.
There is really something wrong with that crazy teen Jenkins hater. Shouldn’t he be doing bath salts and knocking up other teens like a normal 17-year-old? He shouldn’t be so far up Posh & Becks’ b-holes that he’s sending death threats at some opera singer over some shit that might not have ever happened. I swear. It’s like if Twitter existed in the 90s and I sent the Tweet “@kellytaylor DIAF YOU YELLOW-HAIRED HUSSY WHORE SLUT” after that yellow-haired hussy whore slut Kelly Taylor stole Dylan from Brenda on BH 90210.
Okay, I totally would’ve done that.