At the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, Italy this morning, workers took down Botticelli’s Birth of Venus and replaced it with this set of La Duquesa de Alba in a bikini pictures, because this is some real art that will splash your eyes with salty exquisiteness and diamond-dusted glamour. Venus had a good run, but the bitch is dusty and now it’s time to pay homage to a fresh new modern day goddess of the sea.
The Daily Mail burned the tips of my eyelashes last week when they published a glorious gallery of pictures of the 86-year-old klingon dandelion the Duchess of Alba making bitches bow down in the sand at a beach in Formentera, Spain. Well, since yesterday was a holy day, the Duchess of Alba was back at the beach and with the help of her lady-in-waiting and her 61-year-old man toy of a husband, she cleansed the ocean water with the drops of holy nectar that seep out of her pores. Or she cleansed it by peeing. Either or.
The olds of my family are always saying shit like, “Getting old sucks.” I don’t know what they’re crying about. Getting old is the best. You can curse out a kid and get away with it. And as these pictures prove, you can put on a two-piece and any hate thrown at you by younger bitches will have zero effect on you. Because any fucks you had left in your being, were humped out of your body earlier in the day by your 61-year-old hot piece.