Snooki Is Officially Somebody's Mother
Yesterday we all lost an American icon who was the first human to walk on the moon, and today we gain a future American icon who will probably go on to do history-making things like moon a bunch of tricks at Karma on a Sunday morning. It's the circle of life.
As Neil Armstrong floated up to heaven hoping that his spirit doesn't land in the reincarnation bin before getting spit out into the body of a certain guidoling, Snooki went into labor last night and this morning she gave birth to the chosen child of the Jersey Shore. That's one small step for a Guidoling, one giant leap for the end of civilization as we know it.
When the news of Snooki letting out an Ooma Loompa birthin' wail made the rounds on Twitter and everywhere else yesterday afternoon, hos everywhere stocked up on Jäger and self-tanner before going down into their end of the world bunkers. Then at around 3 this morning at Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston, N.J., Snooki's baby boy fist pumped his way out of her poon and was probably greeted by MTV's cameras. I can't wait to see the touching moment when Snooki's kid hugs an MTV camera, stares into its lens and lets out his first words, "Are you my mommy?
Ten seconds after Snooki made history by being the first Oompa Loompa to give birth out of captivity, she went on Twitter and confirmed that her and her piece Jionni LaValle named their kid Lorenzo D:
I am SO IN LOVE with my son Lorenzo Dominic ! I had my little man last night, healthy at 6lbs! HE'S MY WORLD! ❤
Snooki's rep (yeah, she has one of those) tells People that baby is resting comfortably in his tanning bed crib and mother is resting comfortably on her hospital bed while Jionni stands over her face, squeezing 100 proof booze drops out of her drunk placenta and into her open mouth hole. Seriously, Snooki's placenta is probably a bloody organ of booze. On that note, it's Bloody Mary time!
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Shithead, crazy shooters kill innocent, good people a day and we're stuck with this and Honey Poo Poo Child. Fuck U.S.A. No wonder we're stuck with these candidates. Look at our standards for making people rich?
I like my men like I like my syrup---thick and rich!
That child will be gorgeous. Italian and a Virgo. He's going to be a looker!
I can't believe anyone cares that this midget gave birth.
Terrible Mother!
http://musicthatstartsyourday.com
Terrible!!!! What kind of kid will this become!!!
http://musicthatstartsyourday.com
Submitted by C6 on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 11:46pm.
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T.H.IS..
SLoshed and let me say I'm bringing the g/goose, p.noir. sake, andshrimp and scallops wrapped in bacon. End times=me+ you guys+ all this shit i;m bringing+ making the four whoresemen drunk; IF ANYONE CAN MAKE THEM FOUR WHORESEMN OR WHATVEVER DRUNK WE CAN, RIGHT?! WHO KNOWS HOW TO CHOCOLATE-DIP LOCUSTS? Someone bring the fondue thing!
****
I have a fondue thing, with the little stabbers and fire holder and everything.
lol
Bring Crown Royal and let's get this party started.
Submitted by salacious on Mon, 08/27/2012 - 1:28am.
Let's not be so pessimistic. So long as the Lochtes won't be allowed to breed, I think we'll be just fine. :)
^^^^^^^^
I get your point, but damn, at least Ryan was focused and driven enough to win medals. Training for the Olympics takes over your whole life, YEARS of it. So if Lochte and Phelps wanna act like stoner douches for awhile, let 'em. At least they've accomplished something other than doing whatever the fuck Snooki does -- I can proudly say I have never ever watched this piece of trash show. FFN== Famous for Nothing. Now, Lochte's sister, what a mess. She FFN but being a racist. But I'm gonna let some Olympic athletes slide for awhile. Snooki? Go to hell.
Well shit. It's the end of the world. Nice knowing you sluts, see you all in hell.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
gross...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by zocalo1 on Mon, 08/27/2012 - 1:51am.
Disgraziata putana lorda
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I don't speak Italian, but did you call her a disgusting, fat bitch?
Marijuana
Sickening
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...
Disgraziata putana lorda
Re: trying to quit. I sure don't want to seem like a pill pusher here, but if or after everything else fails, I know a lot of folks including my partner who used Nortriptyline (anti-depressant prescribed off/label for long term smokers) for those first 7-8 weeks of cessation. He tried the patch and came close three or four times, but with the meds, he has been a former smoker now for over three years! It's pretty effective for what is termed "behavioural" smokers (I just thought everyone was!!), i.e. it calms your nerves, helps you sit still, stops you from sugar binge eating..that sort of thing. It isn't for everyone, but thought I'd let y'all know.
Let's not be so pessimistic. So long as the Lochtes won't be allowed to breed, I think we'll be just fine. :)
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"He is my world." LOL! Yeah, right....maybe for the next month until the novelty wears off. Flash forward 10 years when she's not "famous" anymore and hustling hard to get her fat ass on tv again. I mean, congratulations, Nicole.
those of you looking to quit smoking: you can do it! i tried everything to quit and finally just did it cold turkey. free yourself from the shackles of slavery!
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
@ HockeyFan... Save me a seat...
My issues now have issues.. So take a number.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 11:41pm.
Fuck, civilization is really over. I'm expecting locusts and the Four Horsemen any minute.
See all you horz in hell. I'll be at the table by the fireplace.
_____
T.H.IS..
SLoshed and let me say I'm bringing the g/goose, p.noir. sake, andshrimp and scallops wrapped in bacon. End times=me+ you guys+ all this shit i;m bringing+ making the four whoresemen drunk; IF ANYONE CAN MAKE THEM FOUR WHORESEMN OR WHATVEVER DRUNK WE CAN, RIGHT?! WHO KNOWS HOW TO CHOCOLATE-DIP LOCUSTS? Someone bring the fondue thing!
____
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*
Fuck, civilization is really over. I'm expecting locusts and the Four Horsemen any minute.
See all you horz in hell. I'll be at the table by the fireplace.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 10:44pm.
And I can't muster up any cares to give about Snooki or her baby.
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same here. It's even beneath the equivalent of being famous for nothing. They're famous for sleeping around, cheating on one another, back stabbing their friends, getting trashed, being completely unhealthy, dirty, nasty, ugly, stupid and vile creatures.
I like the shirt idea! You could make it happen, have it imprinted on a one colored simple t-shirt.
One giant leap to FK.OUR.LIVES.
Where's Morrissey and his "undersized pigmies WAKE UP WAKE UP." tag here?!
/sloshed;trying to find the exit
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“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*
Reps who make statements for someone in the hospital and says that so-n-so is "resting comfortably in bed"?
Have never SLEPT (or make that *attempted* to sleep) in a hospital bed! I never sleep well if in the hospital!
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 10:44pm.
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Yeah, probably a good idea. But with everything you have going on now, if "I" were in your place I'd probably be shit-faced every night! Lol. (When my daughter wasn't home)
Drinking always made me and everyone else I knew smoke "more". It would be nothing for me to go out clubbing (back in the days) and smoke 2 or even close to 3 pks a night! Of course, a lot weren't smoked if someone asked you to dance, or some ass wipe steals a pack (or butts from your ashtray-nasty asses! Ick), etc. But I also did A LOT of it myself. So, I probably smoked the majority of them.
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
This is still the last post? EARTH TO MK!
That pug shirt on the Fab ad is cute, but I don't know who could pull it off. I always wanted to have a shirt made that said "I'm smiling at your dog, not you."
And I can't muster up any cares to give about Snooki or her baby.
Submitted by crazyassmom on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 10:35pm
The quitting wasn`t that hard, i think the drinking is just boredom, really. It`s only a beer at a time, but for someone who didnt drink at all, i guess i gotta keep an eye on it.
"ADAM LEVINE IS GOING TO BE ON AHS?????"
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Umm..what channel is this show on?
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg2dYCDS1LY&feature=fvwrel
ADAM LEVINE IS GOING TO BE ON AHS?????
UBF- I want to quit smoking badly! But I have ab-so-lute-ly NO willpower! I hate being uncomfortable, and even if I craving isn't *that* bad (where I could probably distract myself through it if I tried) I will break down and head for 7-11! Lol
So good you did quit, just watch yourself with the alcohol. (Not preaching!) It's sooo easy to fall into a routine of doing/using something, then it's hard for us to notice when we start to increase our usage.
Actually thought about you and your boys yesterday! When I went to Walgreens there was a kid sitting outside accepting donation for Autism Awareness. Gave my donation and got one of those little "flowers" that dance when they're in direct sunlight or bright light!!! {O:
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
another AHS promo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gY0_Tgemo8
I can't wait for the first episode, wooooo. adam levine & chloe sevigny were also cast for some reason, & that reason is probably to kill their annoying asses off in gruesome ways. so I can't complain :)
Everytime a snooki has a baby, an angel loses its wings & is cast into the fiery furnace of hell...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Haha, the Rose- Trailer for AHS is cool, i was all relaxed and buzzy from my beer and then that fucking noise...
I am not proud to say that i quit smoking but seem to be developing a drinking habit..
Howdy , down here win SE FL it's raining and the wind is blustery. We had some lightning and thunder in the last few hours but that seems to have stopped. Just hoping that the trees don't drop any big branches tonight! Take care all of you in the path.
They're mini-promos (there's four additional ones to the left.
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/video/download/00031706/
Haha..."Escorting his abuelita...". Yeah, I know he's pretty layed back on Sun, just feels weird to me. He gets a "summer sickness"? Sounds like me, different changes in the weather and I *immediately* develop a sinus infection. Ugh..like right now!
Hello everyone! Adding in my "keep safes" for everyone in the line of this hurricane.
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
@mike
Promo for AHS??? WHERE???? The sad thing is, I downloaded the first Season ( I wanted the husband to watch it) and while he loved it, i realized how extremely CORNY it was at times . Jessica Lange made that fucking show. Every last bit of it.
Work was alright.. I NEEDED to go back, damn , i am broke.
And Snooki hath sayeth unto thee...this kid is going to have one wild ride.
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Submitted by EvilShoe on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 8:41pm.
Ant balls are when they climb each other to form a ball and float along moving water on the streets.
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2011/04/25/fire-ants-...
If they hit you while you wade you're toast. ugh
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That's the stuff of nightmares-right there. No Bueno. Always had a fear of ants. No insect should be that organized.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 9:16pm.
mike -- damn, that clip is short, isn't it? I do know that Chloe Sevigny is one of the actors on the show this year. She plays an inmate at the asylum. And that kid who played Tate is going to be on the show, too.
That's right, I do recall reading that the guy who played Tate will be in this season as well.
All I know is that this season had better end better than last season. Last season's finale was a major letdown.
Hey there gang, I hope everyone had a great week end and I'll add my "keep safe" as well to all you guys in the storms path! Make sure all your furry critters are safe as well. I know doggies can get a pretty skittish when it's stormy so give em an extra milk bone and a hug to let em know they're safe:)
Hekki -- I read somewhere that that was complete BS. I can't imagine rubbing up on Sam Shepard's fine self for over 30 years and then becoming a lez, ya know? But then, that's me.
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 9:16pm.
Speaking of AHS, is it true about Jessica Lange and that other actress being lovers? What is that? The bazillion photos of them hanging all over each other made me wonder. Not that there's anything writing with it!
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Damn right, Heks! Nothing writing with it at all!
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Dark-sided!
Speaking of AHS, is it true about Jessica Lange and that other actress being lovers? What is that? The bazillion photos of them hanging all over each other made me wonder. Not that there's anything writing with it!
mike -- damn, that clip is short, isn't it? I do know that Chloe Sevigny is one of the actors on the show this year. She plays an inmate at the asylum. And that kid who played Tate is going to be on the show, too.
Twas Brillig -- I also meant to mention this to you: the way Kane walked past Kitty in the hospital -- wow, pure ice! I really thought he was going to talk to her, and he just acted as if she just didn't exist. He really is the worst. I also love the show because it's filmed in Chicago, I live here and it means so much to me, and when they show the council meetings, that is not a set -- that is filmed in the actual city council chambers.
Just poppin in to say hope all u guys in scary weather areas are safe! Vodka all around cheers babes!!
Well, they're mini-mini-promos:
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/video/download/00031706/
This season is set in an asylum for the criminally insane. It takes place in the '60s. Jessica Lange and Zachary Quinto are the only actors from last season with major roles (from what I've read). It premieres on Halloween.
mike -- GET OUT! Where did you see the promo for AHS? I so want to see that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twas Brillig -- Oooh, I'm so glad someone replied; I now have a "Boss" friend -- yay! I can't say I like Kitty, but the way Kane talked to her in that last episode of season 1 was unbelievable; he verbally eviscerated her, didn't he? He is so good, too -- I can't believe he wasn't nominated for an Emmy. I really, really hate Zajac's wife; she's extremely manipulative and will do anything to get him in office. And he's such a horndog; I wonder if she knows the true extent of his horndoggedness (is that a word?). I find the Emma story line distracting, too, as well as the ghost of Ezra Stone. Is it to prove that Kane has a bit of a conscience? I think not. I don't know about the Sanaa Lathan character, but she seems good, so we'll see where that goes. The guy who plays Ross is good, too.