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Ukranian-Canadian artist Taras Polataiko’s Sleeping Beauty installation in the National Art Museum of Ukraine !

Like something out of a Scientology marriage ritual ceremony, unmarried dudes who are 18 or over can  go to the National Art Museum of the Ukraine and sign a contract that binds them to marry the “Sleeping Beauty” if she opens her eyes after he kisses her on the lips. Dear Tommy Girl, direct your hover pod to take you directly to the Ukraine and use your telekinesis powers to open up Sleeping Beauty’s eyelids, because that’s a girl who believes in fairytales (see: Xenu and Thetans) and who respects the sanctity of a contract!

Taras tells The Daily Telegraph that until September 9th, wannabe Prince Charmings (or creepy ass perverts who just want to put their lips on the lips of a real-life human woman who isn’t a Real Doll aka every dude in this clip) must sign a contract confirming that their unmarried asses are at least 18 years old and that they will legally marry Sleeping Beauty if she opens her eyes. Each Sleeping Beauty, they rotate, signs the same contract. Taras says this mess of an art piece isn’t a joke and it a very serious matter, because a legal marriage is involved! Yes, marriage is a serious matter. Kim Kuntrashian taught us that.

I love it when artists stamp the word ART on weird shit, but this is just too weird and there’s no way any Sleeping Beauty is going to open her eyes. What if you opened your eyes to a fugly-faced dude who is broke, ain’t got no job, has one of those extra short burrito dicks and has a shitty personality. You have to marry him, because you signed a contract and I’m sure a court of law will bind you to that contract (insert closed eye eye roll here). So you’ll have to pay for everything, because he’s broke and you won’t ever talk, because everything he says will make you want to fuck your ear holes with a screwdriver. I would say that the only fuck position you can get into is the “hit it from the back” position, but he’s got a short burrito peen so that’s out. The only thing you can really do is sit on his face. But you know, I bet the key to a long-lasting marriage is to sit on each other’s faces all the time. That way you don’t have to hear them talk and you don’t have to look at their face. This could work!

But seriously, this shouldn’t be called the Sleeping Beauty exhibit, this should be called the “How To Get The Mouth Herps In The Name Of ART!” exhibit.

And the Sleeping Beauty, who I thought was wearing fancy condoms around her face, in this clip is a dumb bitch. I mean, Tom Petty (at the 1:26 mark) kissed her mouth and she didn’t open her eyes (probably because her eyes are weighed down with all that paint). He’s rich!

via TDW