Randy Travis Got Messy Again This Morning
The bad news is that Randy Travis is still disturbing the peace with his drunken acts of sad country song fuckery. The good news is that this time, Randy Travis didn't rub his butt sweat all over the backseat of a cop car. The other bad news is that Randy Travis' latest boozed up date with the cops didn't end with him walking away with a fresh pair of paper pants. Getting busted by the cops isn't so bad when you get a pair of paper pants out of it.
Randy Travisty was put in handcuffs earlier this year after he was caught high on the sweet nectar in front of a church near his house, and a little over two weeks ago he was busted for drunkenly crashing his car before taking all his panties off in public. TMZ says that Randy earned the latest jewel on his record at around 1 this morning when the police were called to a church parking lot in Plano, TX, because Randy and some other dude were scrappin' over a woman.
An officer tells People that the woman is apparently Randy's latest girlfriend and she was arguing with her estranged husband in the church parking lot. Being the drunken Captain Save A Ho that he is, Randy threw himself into the ring to defend his piece and started throwing fists at the husband. TMZ says that the husband must've delivered a serious WHOOP THAT TRICK citation on Randy's ass, because he was taken to the hospital to get his war wounds treated. But the officer tells People that Randy never went to the hospital and that he didn't seem drunk at the time. Randy was cited with simple assault and there were zero arrests.
First of all, if Randy wasn't drunk at 1 this morning, then neither was I (I was). Second of all, what is it with Randy getting messy on God's front lawn. The father, the son or the holy ghost need to turn a garden hose on his ridiculous ass next time. Why were the three of them fighting in the middle of a church parking lot, anyway? The only reasonable explanation for fighting in a church parking lot is if you're in a drug deal gone wrong, a threesome hook-up gone wrong or you all brought the same dish to the church bake sale.
We're all laughing at Randy's ass now, but watch in two year's time, Rebecca Black and Carly Rae Jepsen will be saying the words, "And the Grammy for Best Song goes to 'I Tore My Paper Pants In A Parking Lot Brawl' by Randy Travis!"