Apparently, Clarence House threatened to punish any British publication that publishes the pictures that have been called the greatest work of modern art since the hologram cover for Prince’s Diamonds and Pearls CD (that shit really blew my mind as a kid), and that punishment includes feeling their brain cells slip out of their ear holes while suffering death by boredom from having tea with Prince William and Duchess Kate. So some bitches had to get creative and The Sun handled it by recreating the pictures using a Prince Hot Ginge lookalike who looks nothing like PHG. My asshole looks more like PHG than this shit poor excuse for a look-alike does. Okay, that’s not really true, because if my b-hole looked more like PHG than this impostor, I wouldn’t be writing this post right now. I’d be in yoga class, trying to stretch my head all the way to my PHG-looking no-no hole to whisper sweet nothings into it.
I’m happy that Bud Bundy is actually getting work as a PHG stand-in, but this is just lazy! Okay, I know The Sun is trying to be smart by getting one of their reporters named Harry to do the “cupping the crown jewels” pose, but they could’ve at least glued some saffron to dude’s chest so it looks like he has a field of red chest hairs. Seriously, The Sun should be the ones getting punished, not PHG.
UsWeekly says that PHG is back in England and he and his royal guards are facing the wrath of THE QUEEN. But some palace aide says that nobody will be sent to the Halifax Gibbet:
“Of course questions will be asked, and matters raised, but no one’s job is on the line. As protection officers, their job is to intervene when his life is at risk, not to protect his image.”
The Queen didn’t give three shits about the Olympics, so I’m hoping she wont’ give three shits about this. I bet that once PHG waltzes into her throne room, she’ll excuse everybody from the room by ordering them to immediately bleach her Corgis b-holes, then she’ll make a lot of noise like she’s beating the foolery out of him. But she’ll actually pat him on the back and then ask him how many of those skanks did he knight with his royal crotch scepter? That’s exactly how it’s going to go down.