From The Bitch, Please Files: Lindsay Lohan Is Sick Of The Media Spreading Lies
Seen here wearing the exact outfit Carmen Sandiego would wear if she stole a bunch of jewelry and needed to make an inconspicuous getaway, Lindsay Lohan landed at JFK from LAX on Tuesday night. After she hit a few pawn shops in Queens, she jumped on Twitter (via SFGate) to let out another crackie whine about how the media keeps pushing her down with their lies when all she wants to do it get up and sell all those watches she snatched!
Kleptohan is of course crying over that story about how she just so happened to be at an all-night party at a house in the Hollywood Hills when the owner's expensive watches and sunglasses were stolen. LiLo basically told the cops to eff off by not answering their questions and the owner of the house thinks that the two dude friends she brought to the party are the ones who lifted his fancy crap. There's a good reason for why Lindsay Lohan isn't a character in Clue. Because in every game, bitch would be the one who did it! But LiLo claims she's innocent and put another scratch on her broken record of a tongue when she wrote this:
All of this negative press is BS.... Whenever I'm doing great, people fabricate lies. It's such a shame. I'm just sayin' xo
When you're a trick who is known for stealing crap and stuff gets stolen when you're around, you're going to immediately be suspect #1. This dumbass has to know this. It's just like when I'm at a party and the host runs out of the bathroom screaming about how someone just fapped into her good hand towels, everybody looks at me. It's understandable!
And I don't know how Lindsay Lohan can hear all the hate over the sound of the stolen watches in her bag clanking against each other.
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Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/24/2012 - 2:15am.
why are there extra toes in lindsay's cameltoe?
nooooooooooooooooooooooo
dammit loopy you made me look!
*heave*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Whoa, Wynnona Judd has really lost some weight!!!
Looks like she's disembarking the senior singles cruise and dragging her shit back to the nursing home shuttle.
why are there extra toes in lindsay's cameltoe?
Submitted by RichBitch on Fri, 08/24/2012 - 12:39am.
And STILL no trailer for Dick & Lez! How long are they gonna keep me in suspense?
Release date is November 3. Let me know how it is.
like christina aguilera, for some bizarre reason, the chunkier this bitch's thighs get, the more she insist on wearing tights (not even thick-fabric leggings but fucking opaque TIGHTS) as pants.
And STILL no trailer for Dick & Lez! How long are they gonna keep me in suspense?
All of this negative press is BS.... Whenever I'm doing great, people fabricate lies. It's such a shame. I'm just sayin' xo
Now I'm thinking she is more guilty than ever. She's the Queen of fabricated lies. The question is who outfabricate each other with all the lies?
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She is always doing great, therefore she is always in the media. Doing great includes stealing, lying, stalking, driving under the influence, partying, getting bit parts in okay movies, getting big parts in awful movies, going to rehab, getting arrested, getting tossed out of clubs, shopping and tricking. Keep it up.
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
She didn't steal anything like she didn't have duck lips implanted and exponential chin fat growth from smirnoff funneling for the last two years. She didn't do it. Everyone else is a liar but her. Of course and shit. *fking eyroll;double flips this trash
I still don't understand why the party host didn't kick her ass out as soon as he saw her in his house. She probably blew him while her brother's friends were ripping off the watches and sunglasses.
Dina was in the car, waiting for the goods!
And if she and her crew were so innocent, why didn't they give their statements to the police?
Does she still have that fucking self tanner line named after Marilyn Monroe's birthday or some shit?
In that first pic it looks like she ass-scalped Mr. Ed and glued his tail into that fug hat.
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If you ever need someone to drink with, I'll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll drink with you. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love to drink!!!
--Karen Walker
Dang MK is that you giving her the side eye in Thumb 2?
Blohan did it in the DRAWING ROOM with a CANDLESTICK.
She brought he poor broke ass friends who robbed the dude...hahahaha i mean this shit is hilarious. Next,bitch wont be invited to any parties in the hills with her cokehead friends....everyone hates her there. Sad. Like..i dont see her ever getting out of this industry alive. I guess none of them really ever do.shit...
This is classic whorehan. She potentially does something illegal, then hightails it in full sight of the photogs (probably calling them ahead of time to let them know when & where she'll be landing), then complains that the media is following her every move & "they're trying to get me" or some such asspuke. This was what drove little miss spears insane during the 2007 "summer of shitney"; hopefully, it'll have the same effect on whorehan...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
This dumpster masquerading as a human is what $2.00 whores have contempt for.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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Fap, fap, fap.
At this point it's just plain sad that Lohan thinks anyone believes her anymore. Chronic Liar, Multiple Drug user, Alcoholic, Multiple thefts WITH PHOTOS of STOLEN ITEMS SHE'S WORN & BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED IN. Nothing is ever her fault. It's good to know after all the criminal offenses she's been arrested for and tax payer costs for court that she's learned her lesson and will crime no more.
As of now she's a joke and who the fuck is hiring this nasty bitch after all of this? She's not even a fun trainwreck anymore.
This post was hilarious MK! :)
Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:17pm.
I was at universal studios this weekend and they were giving us stage tours and showing us some props. The tour guide showed us some stuff that they're using on the Liz and Dick movie and he said this is the movie that LiLo is suppose to make a "come back" everyone on the tour started laughing so hard it was so funny to see that 50 to 10yr olds know what a hot mess this Bitch is!! The tour guide said "Yup surprisingly these things made it back to storage!"
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Hahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Mani6 on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 5:06pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:44pm.
I wonder if in her mind when she goes through the airport everything goes into slow motion. When she looks out it's 1958 and all of a sudden...
Yes Whamo...her delusional day dreams of fame and of one day getting an Oscar. *eyerolls*
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Are you kidding, she's already won 3 Oscars!
Lilo, Get off the high donkey and go with it, don't fight it. Press is press, you're known for something. OWN IT! ;)
*but watch the looks cuz you're looking like yo mutha!*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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That tan leather bag looks like its seen some rough days. Oh and I am referring to that stained piece of luggage not Lindsay.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:44pm.
I wonder if in her mind when she goes through the airport everything goes into slow motion. When she looks out it's 1958 and all of a sudden...
Yes Whamo...her delusional day dreams of fame and of one day getting an Oscar. *eyerolls*
Sometimes I will view myself as if from a birds eye perspective, running around like an ant working my ass off.
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Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:44pm.
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I call bullshit Whammy. You know she'd beg the cabbie (please please please) while rubbing his crotch, tell her brother to put on his Ipad, jump in the front seat and save herself $40.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Wow, age is taking its toll on the whole family.
Hah, she looks like someone's Aunt Hildy off the plane from Miami circa 1972 with those coconut candies in her bag for you, that's your gift for picking her ass up at JFK and driving her back to Woodmere.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:44pm.
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LOL...Simy that was beautiful!
Not to defend a Lohan, but that stolen watch story was pretty flimsy. I mean honestly, if I had Lohan over at my place and she decided to crash there for the night I'd claim she stole shit too.
How can this bitch walk anywhere?! I'm sure she gets heckled on the street-- amirite?
I know if I saw her walking nearby I'd have a tomato and a few choice phrases ready.
I wonder if in her mind when she goes through the airport everything goes into slow motion. When she looks out it's 1958 and all of a sudden everyone is in period clothing, the paps camera's turn to big giant boxes with flashbulbs going off, she catches her reflection in a window and she sees her beautifully clothed Marilyn Monroe reflection for a brief second, "Marilyn Marylin, just one more please", Marylin are you going to see the President when you're in town?" She smiles coyly and jumps into a beautiful black stretch limo with the full wings on the back fender as she's whisked off to the Waldorf Astoria.
Meanwhile it's the same scumbag paps, she's dressed in yesterdays barfed on tights, they are yelling "do the cops still want to talk to you about the thefts in LA?" and she stumbles into a smelly 1997 cab and the driver says " I remember you from last time when you stiffed me, money now or get the fuck out of my cab, thank you very nice" Linds borrows the $40.00 from her brother and gets dropped of at her moms and finds the cat is now sleeping in her old room and she has to sleep in the basement!
Ahhhhhhhhh, shaddup alla youse haters. Lindsay generates publicity and in HO wood any publicity is good publicity.
Plus she's dangerous, you know HO wood is full of wanna be wussies so they invite Lindsay hoping that she might set something off. Inviting Lindsay to your party is like inviting rappers only safer.
That's right bitches, I'm defending Lindsay Lohan and it's not because everytime I see her and her mother I think a little champagne, a little coke, a stretch limo and both them bitches legs will be up in the air. lols
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
She looks no older than 50
Yes, can't we let this poor woman go on with her life and artistic endeavors? This band of gypsies probably emptied the fucking beverage cart on the plane. Bitch please, shut your dick port! Stop stealing shit!
Rande -- and just like Victoria Silvstedt, giving rim jobs to every gross rich guy out there.
I swear, LA cops & the LA justice system suck the celebrity schlong. You've got a burglary, when one of the houseguests was just put into jail for theft and has been sued numerous times for stealing/burglary/kleptomania. She's the one who brought the 2 main suspects there; she's the one who has a long history of the crime in question. She walks up to a police officer and asks him "Am I a suspect?" Cop says "no", she immediately turns around & leaves. And they let her.
Uh, hello cop dumbasses; she's a potential witness who was present at the scene of the crime & has a history of theft. You need to at least take her statement & investigate the details of what she said. Also, a quick "don't leave town for a while until we sort this out" is in order, but nothing was said. She immediately bolts, putting as much distance between her & her crime, hoping to stall the investigation. Watch; the cops will want to interview her again once they've done their initial investigation, but, now that she's in New York, she'll come up with various lame & obvious lies/excuses why she won't be available to talk with them. LA cops & the LA justice system just SUCK...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by fredfred on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 3:26pm.
i fucking hate the phrase "just sayin'". of course you are "just sayin'" because you just fucking said it.
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I hate when people tag, "you know" at the end of a sentence. I went on a date with a guy who did this. By the end of the night I wanted to scream, "STOP SAYING THAT!"
She truly lives in idiot land.
fredfred: see also: "it goes without saying..."
"It goes without saying" is an expression with meaning, though.
"Just saying" means nothing.
Her smile is truly ugly.
(And I did not know that was Dina!)
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
I bet it was that skinny drug dealer dude she is constantly with.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by fredfred on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 3:26pm.
i fucking hate the phrase "just sayin'". of course you are "just sayin'" because you just fucking said it.
see also: "it goes without saying..."
lohan is a low level punk and all the "media" is doing is recording her pathetic death diary. just sayin'.
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Well, if you feel that way about it,
It goes without saying. Just sayin'.
ETA: How do you feel about "needless to say?"
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Submitted by britmachine on Thu, 08/23/2012 - 4:04pm.
Jesus Christ, the bitch bought a BIRKIN BAG. That's like a fucking THIRD of her income!
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Is there one missing from that party house?
Lohan just GO AWAY. I don't want to hear about you filching goods. I don't want to hear about your entourage filching goods either. I don't want to hear about you being unable to perform at your job.
You are a junkie fame whore loser. Just get out of our face already.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
britmachine: the bitch bought a BIRKIN BAG.
Elsewhere, the Office of National Statistics has just reported that sales of Birkin bags have plummetted by 1,500% in the last 24 hours, and the decrease is increasing exponentially by the hour.
I was at universal studios this weekend and they were giving us stage tours and showing us some props. The tour guide showed us some stuff that they're using on the Liz and Dick movie and he said this is the movie that LiLo is suppose to make a "come back" everyone on the tour started laughing so hard it was so funny to see that 50 to 10yr olds know what a hot mess this Bitch is!! The tour guide said "Yup surprisingly these things made it back to storage!"
Looks like she is still on a high from stealing all that shit. Not to mention the high from all the blow that now replaces her blood.
Hekki -- that's probably a new business for the Lohans, stealing shoes & shit from ladies getting pedicures! Love it!!!