The New York Daily News answered the question “Why do video cell phones exist?” by posting a video of a Prince of Wales and a Prince of Derp drunkenly racing in the pool at XS in Las Vegas on Monday morning. While a bunch of bikini-wearing skanks (served with a frosty glass of jealousy) wondered if they died of a ginger overdose and went to the great big pool in heaven, Prince Hot Ginge, still wearing his jeans, and a fully clothed Ryan Lochte breaststroked to the end. (Why oh why didn’t one of those bikini-wearing skanks take advantage of Ryan’s brain by saying they want to see him do the other breast stroke with PHG. Meaning they want Ryan to stroke PHG’s breasts until one of them finishes. He would’ve fell for it!)
Ryan got to the edge of the pool first and celebrated by hugging PHG as I screamed all the way from New York, “Please tell me your peens are kissing under that water!” Ryan not only won the race, but he also won again when he peed all over PHG’s jeans in the pool. How do you say “JEAH!” with a British accent?