Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 21, 2012 / Posted by:

There’s a good reason for why that screen shot looks like it belongs on the official Memaws Are Not The One crest. Because it does! 73-year-old Margaret Jackson of Houston, TX taught a dumb young bitch a life lesson he should’ve learned at birth: Don’t try to mess with a grandma, because she will use everyday household items to set you right and you don’t want that.

Who needs dramatic reenactments starring actors found on Craiglist when you’ve got a granny who can reenact it for you. In a Peabody-worthy segment for Fox26 in Houston, Granny Margaret acts out (AND HOW!) the day she forked a bitch up. Margaret stopped by her daughter’s house in Northeast Houston for a little rest and relaxation time when her furry alarm system started getting crazy by barking at the door. Margaret got up to see why the dog was losing its mind, and you know nothing good can come from a memaw interrupting her rest time to check on shit. Margaret looked out the window and saw some dumb ass trying to get into the backdoor with a credit card. Margaret knew she had to act fast and that’s when she said my new favorite phrase of the week: “I need to get a strategy!”

Margaret ran to the kitchen, opened up a cabinet and all she found were some scissors, a BBQ fork and I think she said “the dog.” Don’t ask me why the dog was in the cabinet. My guess is that the dog realized some messy shit was about to go down and didn’t want to get any brat blood on its coat, so it hid.

When Margaret decided that the BBQ fork was her weapon of choice, she ran as fast as she could on her bad knee and changed up the thieving thief’s game by giving him a MEMAW SURPRISE! Margaret pushed the door on him and he pushed back before running away. The gods must’ve held the back of his shirt, because Margaret was able to catch up to him and perform a GRANNY’S ARREST on his ass by stabbing him in the neck with her BBQ fork. And when Margaret stuck a fork in him, she whispered in his ear, “You’re done, bitch.” Okay, I made that last part up, but there’s a really good chance she actually said.

Even with the mark of a bad ass granny on his neck, the thief still managed to run away, but Margaret knows that he and his bitch ass robber friends won’t be back. And he won’t ever be able to enjoy a barbecue again. As soon as he sees a BBQ fork, his stupid ass will run far, far away. And that’s the worst punishment of all.

Here’s Deputy Memaw Margaret giving us some Grannypiece Theater by acting out her thieving thief takedown. Watch and learn:

Obviously, Margaret was protecting the cocoon in her bathtub, because she has more strength and energy than all of us combined.

(For Cristina & Robert)

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