Hot Slut Of The Day!
There's a good reason for why that screen shot looks like it belongs on the official Memaws Are Not The One crest. Because it does! 73-year-old Margaret Jackson of Houston, TX taught a dumb young bitch a life lesson he should've learned at birth: Don't try to mess with a grandma, because she will use everyday household items to set you right and you don't want that.
Who needs dramatic reenactments starring actors found on Craiglist when you've got a granny who can reenact it for you. In a Peabody-worthy segment for Fox26 in Houston, Granny Margaret acts out (AND HOW!) the day she forked a bitch up. Margaret stopped by her daughter's house in Northeast Houston for a little rest and relaxation time when her furry alarm system started getting crazy by barking at the door. Margaret got up to see why the dog was losing its mind, and you know nothing good can come from a memaw interrupting her rest time to check on shit. Margaret looked out the window and saw some dumb ass trying to get into the backdoor with a credit card. Margaret knew she had to act fast and that's when she said my new favorite phrase of the week: "I need to get a strategy!"
Margaret ran to the kitchen, opened up a cabinet and all she found were some scissors, a BBQ fork and I think she said "the dog." Don't ask me why the dog was in the cabinet. My guess is that the dog realized some messy shit was about to go down and didn't want to get any brat blood on its coat, so it hid.
When Margaret decided that the BBQ fork was her weapon of choice, she ran as fast as she could on her bad knee and changed up the thieving thief's game by giving him a MEMAW SURPRISE! Margaret pushed the door on him and he pushed back before running away. The gods must've held the back of his shirt, because Margaret was able to catch up to him and perform a GRANNY'S ARREST on his ass by stabbing him in the neck with her BBQ fork. And when Margaret stuck a fork in him, she whispered in his ear, "You're done, bitch." Okay, I made that last part up, but there's a really good chance she actually said.
Even with the mark of a bad ass granny on his neck, the thief still managed to run away, but Margaret knows that he and his bitch ass robber friends won't be back. And he won't ever be able to enjoy a barbecue again. As soon as he sees a BBQ fork, his stupid ass will run far, far away. And that's the worst punishment of all.
Here's Deputy Memaw Margaret giving us some Grannypiece Theater by acting out her thieving thief takedown. Watch and learn:
Obviously, Margaret was protecting the cocoon in her bathtub, because she has more strength and energy than all of us combined.
(For Cristina & Robert)
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So she's 73, never got her nap, and she STILL has more energy than me!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Awesome!!! That abuelita is one of a kind. You just don't want to cross her on her bad day. May she live 30 more years to reenact that story over and over. :D
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
Love her. Her reenactment was FLAWLESS. I'm bummed the cops didn't catch that jackass. I pity that fool if he tries to come back for seoonds.
Team Memah! She means BUSINESS and she GOT strategy! lolol Not to mention that badass lady is looking dang GOOD for 72! And Love her re-enactment! ahahah
"GRANNY'S ARREST" it didn't hold but it sure did HURT! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Beaumont/Houston represent! I have family in both places, and that is something my grandmother and mother would do! I got tears streaming down my face! Go Mama!
Long time fan, but never a commenter until now. LOVE THIS! I'm a Houstonian born and raised and I can tell you that a black grandma is not to be trifled with. In fact, I think that's what the world needs, more black grandmas. All this petty-ass criminal shit would come to a screeching halt. I can just see the line of black grandmas outside the police department, each holding some young ass punk by his ear as she drags him in.
Oh, Houston... how I love thee.
TEAM MEMAW MARGARET
Bambam and MO2--
I think we're watching the GOP implode.
The fiscal insanity of their platform in this Great Depression part II economy (tax the middle class & poor! cut funding for safety net programs! cut taxes for the wealthy!), their medieval (literally medieval tinyurl.com/8vgte7w) ideas about women's bodies...just make no sense.
But if Missouri votes for Akin, I think we can conclude that we're doomed. As the cliché goes, there's always Canada.
Submitted by MO2 on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 3:07pm.
Romney and the GOP's new slogan: "I need to get a strategy"
Submitted by rosehips69 on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 3:00pm.
Granny's just like the anti-rape vagina that "shuts it down" when intruders come rudely calling! (It hurts just to think about my vag's big 'ol BBQ fork!)
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Can you believe it? That guy actually says he misspoke one word, "Legitimate", implying he believes the rest of what he said is true.
If I were some famous female I'd be leading a scorched earth attack on this guy.
You wanna elect some guy who knows nothing about women's bodies knowing full well he's gonna write anti female legislation?
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Romney and the GOP's new slogan: "I need to get a strategy"
Granny's just like the anti-rape vagina that "shuts it down" when intruders come rudely calling! (It hurts just to think about my vag's big 'ol BBQ fork!)
On a distantly related note:
http://news.yahoo.com/a-gaffe-is-when-a-politician-talks-about-rape--tod...
"He's gonna tell his friends 'They got a dangerous old lady there!' "
Oh, what a contender for Hot Slut of the Year with the "I ain't got time for bronchitis, Jesus!" in that race, too. What a dilemma that would be to have to choose only one.
Deputy Memaw Margaret is going to be the next Antoine Dodson.
Michael loves him some Memaw stories. This one was a pantie wetter.
Good thing she didn't find a BAR-B-BOSS in the drawer. She cut have cut his head off and served it with fries and coleslaw.
God, I love her pageboy wig.
Damn. I need to get a strategy too. I guess a BBQ fork is the African-American equivalent to a chancla. In any event, never NEVER cross an abuela who is trying to take a nap. She will stab a bitch!
Go gramma. You got a good strategy. 73 and not a line on her face.
Priceless!
if only lindsay would break in and try to steal some of her jewelry.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
She looks great. Hard to believe she's 73!
You go Granny HSOTD! BBQ neck forkin' is the new chopping off hands.
a credit card? was the burglar Jim Rockford?
i'm sorry Ms. Jackson
oh i am for real
never meant to make your doggie bark
i apologize a trillion times
i'm sorry Ms. Jackson
oh i am for real
never meant to make you fork my ass
i apologize a trillion times
/apologies to Andre and Big
p.s. in certain situations, "i gotta get me a strategy" would work well with "i'm not doing your maneuvers." just a suggestion
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I want to be her when I grow up.
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Devil's advocate.
She's my hero! Exactly how I plan to be when I'm her age.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Goaheadnow abuelita! Fuck sleeping with a gun under my pillow, I'm sleeping with a BBQ fork from now on! BBQ Fork = DANGER
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Go granny go! I hope I'm as agile and handy with a BBQ fork when I'm her age...
Love your Memaw stories!!!! It's true though, if a person has a feisty streak--it get's stronger with age. Too bad they didn't catch the fuxker.
A lot people who reach old age become either very apathic or abrasive.
I think it's because of the accumulation of all the crap the average person experiences in their life.
Hell yeah granny! Discipline them fuckin thugs.
But seriously, north houston is scary as shit.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
I'd fork her!
She looks great. Way to go.
This warms my heart to no end. Oh I love piss and vinegar memaws with arthritic knees.
My older co-worker told me "lord child, me and Arthur done spent half the night up in that bed." I thought she was talking sessy times - she meant arthritis.
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Why don't you dance with me? I'm not no limburger.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 10:54am.
Amanda Bynes is one no driving mother fucker. She got in another accident last night!
Sorry to go OT, but that chick has officially been inducted into the Lohan Non Drving Hall of Fame.
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How in the world does she still have a license? You'd think she wouldn't be allowed to even have rollerskates at this point.
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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Yeah no shit she doesnt look 73!
WHAP!
Way to represent Houston memaw! You make me proud :-) And that strategy line was priceless.
Amanda Bynes is one no driving mother fucker. She got in another accident last night!
Sorry to go OT, but that chick has officially been inducted into the Lohan Non Drving Hall of Fame.
I love the scroll at the bottom talking about tax free weekend, it's almost as entertaining as the video
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I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself
There's some punk ass kid running around looking like vampire victim.
And WHAP I gots him right in the neck! LMFAO!!
Margie got some manuevers!! Stab stab stab! I'm not sure what I would have done in that situation. Probably keel over dead.
"bak uh dat doe, boi, I push dat doe n he stopped dat doe, he came out he uh pushin me, he got away, he got tuh runnin when I got rye heyuh I said WHAP! right in duh neck...."
homie don't play dat game.....
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
She got her strategy all up in that bitch's neck meats! Is she gonna be the new Antoine Dodson? The Original Toine is getting kind of old.
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
granny stuck a fork in that fool and he was done!
miss jackson deserves a parade, she is ready for her close up... she's 73 and her skin is gorgeous...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by Dgrin on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 10:27am.
SHE DON'T LOOK 73, GRANNY LOOK GOOD!
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jinx
she looks good for 73, no wrinkles. I read somewhere that black people age better. I think it's true in most cases.
SHE DON'T LOOK 73, GRANNY LOOK GOOD!
I loved the "I gotta get me a strategy" comment.
Did you see that fork!?!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I gotta get ME a strategy, too!
God love Miss Margaret! That kid was lucky that she was tired, or he'd be dead.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Mk you better cut my MIL a check for putting her on here...
Her re-enactment! LOL