Guess What This Lindsay Lohan Story Is About?

August 21, 2012 / Posted by:

Since today is obviously Groundhog Dog, the only way to follow up a story about Amanda Bynes getting into ANOTHER car crash is with a story about the police questioning the crackburglar of Hollywood Lindsay Lohan in connection with ANOTHER jewel heist. All we need is another story about Kirk Cameron saying some crazy crap and this Groundhog Day is complete! Oh, wait….

Both TMZ and Radar say that Lindsay Lohan went a party at a house in the Hollywood Hills on Sunday and decided to spend the night. Yeah, whenever I pass out face first into a puddle of my own runny coke snots and booze barf on the floor of somebody else’s powder room, I always call it “spending the night.” When LiLo woke up the next morning after the cokehead slumber party, the owner of the house was going crazy, because somebody robbed his ass during the night.

In what sounds like the worst and crackiest version of Clue ever, the owner locked down the house and refused to let any of his guests leave until the police questioned each one of them. (I’ve played this game before and I already know it was LiLo and she used her sticky vagina to snatch that jooree!) A source tells TMZ that when the cops showed up around noon on Monday, they started to question LiLo and since she knows the game, she asked, “Am I suspect?” When they shook their heads no, the source says she “blew them off” and left. I bet she did.

TMZ’s source says that the owner of the house told the police that LiLo brought her brother Cody, her assistant and two dude friends to the party. The owner thinks that LiLo’s two dude friends are the ones who robbed his ass.

Don’t you just hate it when the buzz of an all-night coke party at a fancy crackhouse in the Hills is killed when the police arrive, because some junkie bitch had to steal the owner’s stuff to buy more 8-balls? That is the worst. But please, the only reason to let Kleptohan into your house is if you want her to steal your stuff, because you want to cash the insurance policy you took out on your expensive jewelry. This is probably just one big scheme. The owner probably let LiLo snatch his shit, because he knows she’ll get rid of it by making Cody sell it out of a briefcase to tourists on a beach in Ensenada. I’m on to those bitches.

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