These Two Didn’t Get Married This Weekend

August 20, 2012 / Posted by:

Every damn weekend, the nurses of the Brangeloonie Ward in every mental hospital go into high alert and strap their patients into straitjacket panties in preparation for a panty pudding flood, because the media keeps saying that this is the weekend that Brad Pitt and Angie Jo will get married. It never happens. It didn’t happen this past weekend and it didn’t happen the weekend before that.

Everyone keeps saying that Brangie will get married any day now, because they just finished building a chapel and a reception hall on the grounds of their fancy estate in France. But Brangie haven’t even been in France the past week or so, because they’ve been traveling around Greece in a super yacht. Page Six says that Brad and Angie were having dinner at a restaurant in Halkidiki, Greece when the owner asked them when their wedding date is. Surprisingly, Angie didn’t let out a long-winded cackle and then tell the owner that he’ll know when they get married, because the clouds will open up and Jesus will float down from the heavens to do the Macarena next to Maddox on the dance floor at their reception. The source said that Angie Jo said something else instead:

“Angelina was in white, but she laughed and said ‘not yet’ when the restaurant owner asked if she was getting ready to be married. She also said, ‘We love Greece too much to leave . . . we have other islands to go to before heading back to France.”

I don’t know why people keep saying that Brad and Angie are going to get married in that dumb chapel at their French Chateau. That chapel isn’t a wedding chapel, it’s a holy place with a St. Angie altar in it and it’s the place where she goes to worship her favorite saint: herself! Do you think she’s going to ruin and taint that sacred place by marrying husband #3 in it?

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