Hot Slut Of The Day!

Pavel Patel, a Russian unicorn who is made up of 50% muscles and 50% glitter, and makes the stars over Moscow cry tears of diamond dust when he flexes the eight packs on his ass cheeks while posing for the people. Finally, some real talent, natural beauty and sexiness around these parts!

Ever since Pavel Patel was the star of a CAPTION THIS contest in June, hos have been leaving drops of sequins from my e-mail inbox to the front of his NSFW (but oh-so-safe for your soul) Tumblr and Vimeo pages. My eyeballs have spent many a mesmerizing hour on the Russian PP's Tumblr House of Fabulousness, because it has everything you need. It has hard man tits, a pom pom peen cover (aka the official uniform of Scientology's man cheerleaders), exquisitely crafted heels, a luscious beard and a humongous uncut corn dog peen that is so large it looks like it should be lying in a buffet tin marked: GIANT CABBAGE ROLLS, EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK. PP's crotch sausage is so big that my eyes gagged a little.

Besides being a beauty of the Internet, Pavel Patel is a DJ and a European treasure who is single-handedly beautifying the streets of Russia by sashaying around in nothing but platform heels and wigs that Nicki Minaj wishes she owned. Pavel Patel is like Rainbow Brite as seen through the brown eye of John Travolta. Bitch is EVERYTHING.

And I hope that as I type this, Pavel Patel is scaling down a prison wall on a gold rope while wearing a camouflage jock strap, camouflage nipple tassles, lucite heels and a purple unicorn mane for whipping the prison guards as he tries to FREE PUSSY RIOT!