Open Post: Hosted By Farrah Whatever's Latest Assault On Ears
Warning: If you didn't prolapse while listening to Teen Mom Farrah's last massacre of a song, then you will definitely fall completely out of your body while listening to her latest single "On My Own." This single comes complete with a zero budget homemade video shot by Farrah. I don't know what's worse: Farrah's daughter dancing to this mess on her dad's grave or the actual "song" which sounds like a bunch of robot cats drowning in a tub of electrocuted water. Oh, like it's really a contest. The song (or whatever you call that stabbing to my ears) is worse. The song is worse. That song actually made me stare out onto that cemetery full of dead people and feel jealousy toward them, because they're in a better place. A better place where they don't have to listen to musical murder like this.
via ONTD
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 6:01pm.
Ahahaha! I hadn't thought about that, BUT that is a really good idea! I might do that as a joke. Thanks for the idea!
I did tell him he better not try the dick through the popcorn bucket trick!
I do not want any holes in my nipples or lady bits thankyouverymuch.
And getting your tongue pierced hurts. Not so much when I was getting it done (10 shots of liquid courage later) but the next day I thought I was going to die. My tongue swelled so much it filled my entire mouth and I was left keeping my mouth fully open all day so I could breathe.
I took that shit out after 3 months.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 6:07pm.
Look in the mirror, my friend. ;-)
Hi Dog! Long time, no speak!!!
ETA: I was in Canada when I did this. Had to deflect the glow Whamo was giving off.
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 6:01pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:59pm.
Dear Evil:
I regret to inform you that FedEx Guy got an anus tattoo this afternoon. Film at 11:00.
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DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT! Now I am going to have to check his ass out, and he is going to wonder WTF is up!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:59pm.
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I do remember reading about the sad date with Twihard dude. Lol.
The hubs is taking me to the Bourne Legacy tonight! Hell, I might even give him some. If he's lucky!
So, on that note - I'm outta here horz.
UBF hahahahahahahaha SHIT I keep forgetting the cleft part!!! thank you.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Hi Beb!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
My husband, who i of course had to share my disgust with, has somehow figured out how to sound exactly like the DUDE, so whenever he wants to piss me off, he ll say in this Kermit voice : Wash UP and Down the shaft, nice and slow, Up and Down the shaft.. I swear , it makes me wanna puke every time...lolol
Oh shit, beb is a fuh-reek... I've got a couple of buddies that have theirs pierced... I always grab it through their shirt and act like I'm gonna rip it out... You'd be surprised still a person can be when you've got em by the nip...
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 6:01pm.
I regret to inform you that FedEx Guy got an anus tattoo this afternoon. Film at 11:00.
( I <3 | CUPPY )
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Does that penis enhancement shit actually work???
I know I get 117 + spam emails from them a day, but I've always thought it was bullshit.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 6:00pm.
OH MY FUCKING GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is truly where I would draw a line in the sand!!!!!! Stephen Hawking...wash up and down the shaft. Oh fuck! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Tuna Cleft Pounding, jack...
LOL Jack!
I still have one of my nipples pierced. The first one hurt like a bitch, but the second didn't (a couple of cocktails helped).
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Because fed-ex is a TUNA POUNDING FISH BOMBER!! not some twihard nancy boy! Say, Cuppy... are you gonna make him sit one chair over with a empty chair between you?? I NEED MY SPACE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:59pm.
Dear Evil:
I regret to inform you that FedEx Guy got an anus tattoo this afternoon. Film at 11:00.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:59pm.
PEOPLE CAN'T HELP THE SIZE OF THEIR PEEN GUYS OK?!!!!
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EXTENZE!
If it can help Jimmy Johnson, former NFL coach AND Survivor contestant, it can help small guys!
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:57pm.
chewi - LMAO @ pencil dick. I encountered one of those. Was left staring.
*looks at buffed dude*
*stares down at pencil peen*
*repeats*
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! I know this feeling EXACTLY! I was completely STUNNED and I remember to this day how it took my breath away...and NOT in a good way!
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by beb on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:56pm.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:54pm.
I reached down his pants and there was basically nothing there but something that felt like it resembled a chewed up #2 pencil. In other words, thin. Like a worm. And short. And erect.
A nubbie! How precious!!! :-)
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hahaha, that reminds me of the nursing home, where i had to wash Stephen Hawking-Dude`s penis and he tried to explain to me how to wash "Up and down the shaft" in a Kermit the Frog voice. What shaft, the half inch i had to dig for in that fold of pubic fat??
Edited, sorry, cant spell today (or any day)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:59pm.
PEOPLE CAN'T HELP THE SIZE OF THEIR PEEN GUYS OK?!!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL THAT TO MY IDIOT NEPHEW WHO THINKS THE HOOVER IS HIS BEST FRIEND? THANK YOU!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by JTROS on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:53pm.
I would have been mortified!
Were you here the day I talked about my date with the Twilight fan?
It was a first date and we went to is place for a minute and I got to looking around and he had the entire Twilight book collection and current films on dvd proudly displayed! THEY WERE HIS!
Needless to say, we never dated again, and I initially wondered why he was so cool about seeing The Hunger Games!
Thank God, FedEx is taking me to see The Bourne Legacy tomorrow!
PEOPLE CAN'T HELP THE SIZE OF THEIR PEEN GUYS OK?!!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:55pm.
what up, beb? Let me tell you, I've had ears pierced and my tongue pierced, neither hurt... Looky here, I've pinched my dick a little too hard before trying not to piss my pants after drinking 12 beers at a football game having to wait in line for the john and that shit HURT... stab a fucking hoop through the head... s'alright, I'm good.
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JACK! You're going to get me in trouble here! LMFAO!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:56pm.
What is up with pierced dicks? I had a costumer call in once and whe he was done ordering , he ordered another bouquet (smaller) for his wife from : card message: forever in you....Prince Albert. Motherfucker, min. Wage is not enough to take messages from your dick.
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Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAWD. Well, at least it was kind of creative.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:54pm.
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Hmmm...you obviously met the guy I lost my virginity to! Small world (and penis)! :)
chewi - LMAO @ pencil dick. I encountered one of those. Was left staring.
*looks at buffed dude*
*stares down at pencil peen*
*repeats*
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:54pm.
I reached down his pants and there was basically nothing there but something that felt like it resembled a chewed up #2 pencil. In other words, thin. Like a worm. And short. And erect.
A nubbie! How precious!!! :-)
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by beb on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:53pm.
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Re: Nipple piercing.
I dunno...I watched my best friend get his nipple pierced and he almost passed out (me too!). But some people like nipple pain. Shrugs.
Personally, I think genital piercing would be excruciating & worse than a nipple.
What is up with pierced dicks? I had a costumer call in once and whe he was done ordering , he ordered another bouquet (smaller) for his wife from : card message: forever in you....Prince Albert. Motherfucker, min. Wage is not enough to take messages from your dick.
what up, beb? Let me tell you, I've had ears pierced and my tongue pierced, neither hurt... Looky here, I've pinched my dick a little too hard before trying not to piss my pants after drinking 12 beers at a football game having to wait in line for the john and that shit HURT... stab a fucking hoop through the head... s'alright, I'm good.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:40pm.
LOL - that mushroom story cracked me up because I once started fooling around with this guy (say about 8 years ago or so), and I reached down his pants and there was basically nothing there but something that felt like it resembled a chewed up #2 pencil. In other words, thin. Like a worm. And short. And erect. I remember my exact reaction distinctly - it was WTF????? So then I felt bad because I thought I might be putting too much stock into large penises and so forth, so I went out with him again...and I learned that large erect penises are a good thing.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:50pm.
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Dude. It would've been funny at the time if I weren't so HORRIFIED. I can laugh about it now, thank god!
I liked the part in the video (sound off by then) where her daughter bolted for precious freedom...alas, she was caught this time. Who helped her make this shit?
Had a guy in an adult shop pull out his pierced weenus and BANG the ring in it on the table. Since it was big and heavy, it made a nice sound. That was my introduction to this city 17 years ago.
I remember talking and/or singing into the old metal oscillating fan as a child...I'm sure I had a better voice, but little did I know I was using the precursor to auto tune!
Awful...simply horrible. And I doubt I made it 15 seconds.
_.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._
Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:49pm.
LOL!! I bet!
agirl, you'd be shocked (would not) at the way I talk to him...
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Hi Bacon!
I've always wondered if getting a PA is more painful than getting your nipple pierced...
ETA: LOLOLOL @ JTROS and Jacko
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by JTROS on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:43pm.
Ahahahahahahaha! OMFG I can't breathe! That rim job comment was sooooo funny! WTF????????? You poor thing!
And I thought the dude I went on one date with, who was a Twilight fan ,was bad!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:44pm.
When I dated the chick we so affectionately dubbed "tattoo", that bitch had 3 rings in her puss (both lips and her clit) *gag*, both nipples and her tongue (that one was okay, LOL).... it was like having sex with a pile of fuckin 3-ring binders.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
At a concert last year, a guy gave me a tour of his tattoos - most of them were pretty cool. He then asked me to accompany him to the bathroom to show me his piercings. I quickly found Mr Banano, lol
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:46pm.
agirl - he is not my friend... he is the boss.
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LOL then you should be careful how you talk to him!!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:44pm.
that bitch had 3 rings in her puss (both lips and her clit) *gag*, both nipples and her tongue
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What what what WHY
agirl - he is not my friend... he is the boss.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:27pm.
*googles Prince Albert*
*whips penis out* SEE MOTHERFUCKER I COULD TREAT YOU A HELL OF A LOT WORSE SO STFU!!!!!!!
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Uh oh, Jack is disciplining his weenus.
Jack that is no way to treat your friend.
When I dated the chick we so affectionately dubbed "tattoo", that bitch had 3 rings in her puss (both lips and her clit) *gag*, both nipples and her tongue (that one was okay, LOL).... it was like having sex with a pile of fuckin 3-ring binders.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:25pm.
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WTF?!?! Please tell me this wasn't a first date!
My worst first date:
BAD: Dude picked me up at my place, his car was filthy.
NOT BAD: Took me to a relatively nice restaurant.
BAD AGAIN: Where we ate at the fucking bar (tables were available).
VERY BAD: He then proceeded to talk about his recent ex-girlfriend.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME: As I ordered my 4th glass of wine from a very sympathetic bartender, my date said, "My ex-girlfriend told me that I give the best rim jobs. I'd love to show you sometime."
I'M OUTTA HERE: When he got up to go to the bathroom the bartender came over to me and said that he would help me call a cab to get me away from that creepy motherfucker.
He kept calling me after that...I never picked up.
I fooled around with this dude that had the rim of his mushroom cap pierced. Attempted secks, but he didn't have a dick. Only a mushroom cap.
I know I have told you guys about this dude before.
Another time my GF and I were at a concert and we were in line for beer and the dude behind us out of nowhere commented on his pierced peen, whipped it out right there in line. It were pretty, because he actually HAD a peen. IDK what a pierced dick is supposed to do for you.
OK, you really need to put a much stronger disclaimer on the front of posts like this to TURN DOWN YOUR SPEAKERS BEFORE PLAYING THIS!!!!!!!! Some jackass must have turned up my computer subwoofer in my office to level goddamned 11 and now my entire fucking office thinks I am murdering someone in here!!!!!!!!! WTF is wrong with this chick? She is completely broken. Her mother just might be saner than her...and that is saying A LOT! And I dont want to hear someone call her a HOT mess. She isn't hot, she is fucking ugly and retarded.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 5:25pm.
Submitted by chewinsmoke on Fri, 08/17/2012 - 4:59pm.
He had it all pierced up - the head of his dick had a big long feather hanging out of it, and both of his balls had two chains pierced through them, and the chains connected to two locks placed on either side of his dick. It was truly disturbing. Plus it was SMALL.
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*blink*
*blink*
*blink blink*
*blink*
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I know, right? I wish there was a way I could show you guys these pics (like I say, I can't really show anybody any of this shit).
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
What the FUCK is this????? Jesus Christ, the only thing that's missing is Ross Gellar's Casio keyboard.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
Holy Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick...
Just shows you, Autotune can't fix everything...
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
*googles Prince Albert*
*whips penis out* SEE MOTHERFUCKER I COULD TREAT YOU A HELL OF A LOT WORSE SO STFU!!!!!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers