Let’s All Bask In The Divine Beauty Of Jackie Stallone

August 16, 2012 / Posted by:

The most beautiful 90 year old in every universe Jackie Stallone is a world-renowned and highly skilled rumpologist, and something tells me that very recently she read the ass one of her customers and saw the future of her lips. And yes, that customer was a constipated baboon with inflamed anal glands.

At the Hollywood premiere of her son Sylvester Stallone’s new movie The Expendables 2, Jackie showed up looking like a flower in the Pete Burns garden that was fed gallons of illegal lip fillers and extra-sweetened hummingbird juice.

Jackie’s beautiful face looks like a tour through the Garden of Eden. That wig looks like a threatened beaver who’s getting ready to attack. Those exquisite brows look like the extra healthy, banana-shaped poops of a serpent. Those eyes look like baby spiders eating green apples (or like a tarantula doing the goatse). And finally, that mesmerizing bottom lip looks like an obese slug trying to give birth. When OctoMom’s gynecologist can look at your mouth lips and say, “That looks really familiar!“, then you’re doing plastic surgery RIGHT!

And right after your eyes fell on that gorgeous picture of Jackie, I’m sure you dropped your mouse and walked out of the room. So I’ll excuse Jackie’s beauty on her behalf.

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