Vanessa Bryant Only Marries Champions, Thankyouverymuch
New York Magazine's The Cut has an entire article on the NBA's most fashionable wives and it's basically just a platform for a bunch of gold-plated hos to fart drop the names on all the labels on all the designer clothes hanging in a closet that is twice the size of my apartment. It's just the 1% reminding us poors that their queefs are made by the same perfumers who make Chanel No. 5. But what's extra special about this article is that they talk to one of my personal heroes and gold digging icons Vanessa Bryant, seen above looking Kuntrashian-like while posing with her dog Gucci. Bitch WOULD have a dog named Gucci.
The Cut tells us that Kobe Bryant's wife prefers to keep her personal life personal and she'd rather hump on her 8.5 carat diamond ring than hump on fame. Even though Vanessa hates the spotlight since the spotlight dries out the skin she slathers blended fetus cream on every night, she will lend her ultra famous name to foundations she cares about. (Example: During Kobe's latest cheating scandal, Vanessa leaked stories to the press to benefit her #GetMoneyBitch Foundation. So giving.)
Vanessa talks about Khloe Kardashian, her marriage and how she'd never be married to Kobe if he didn't win championships. Such a role model to me:
On how Birkin bags are for kids: “I’ve collected Birkin bags, Chanel 2.55 jumbo flap bags, and the Marc Jacobs Stephen Sprouse collection for Louis Vuitton since I was a teenager. But now, as they say, everyone and their mom is buying a Birkin or a regular size 2.55 bag in black, taupe, or beige. I’ve been sticking to a magenta suede Proenza Schouler bag.”
On how she's SO real, because she doesn't have a nanny and takes care of her kids by herself: “I’m up at 6:30 in the morning with my kids. I’m taking them wherever they need to go.”
On how she's not about to get mauled by a Sasquatch: “Khloé was at my 29th birthday. I don’t get involved in the drama. I’ve been with Kobe since I was 17, so I’ve seen plenty of players, and plenty of wives, come and go. It wouldn’t benefit me whatsoever to have an issue with any of them, whether they were a girlfriend, or a wife, a person-of-a-month, or … you know. And I think that’s why the Lakers as an organization give me the access that I have, that other wives don’t have.”
On how she's so special that they let her sashay into the tunnel after games: "If you notice, I am the only one allowed in that tunnel. I don’t like standing outside and giving him a kiss in front of all the cameras. So I stand in there to get away from them. But then the cameras end up following. And if the girls are there, sometimes, that’s their kiss good night for Daddy, and when he comes home, they’re asleep.”
On her marriage with Kobe: “We’re working on things.”
On how her husband sticking his wandering peen in any and every trick is okay, but losing a championship isn't: “I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can’t win championships. If you’re sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year.”
"As they say, everyone and their mom is buying a Birkin bag." Who is the "they" bitch that says this? I don't own a stupid ass Birkin bag and I know my mom doesn't own a stupid ass Birkin bag. I don't even think my mom knows what a Birkin bag is. She probably thinks it's a bag you keep your Birkenstocks in or a bag you barf into when you stare at Cheryl Burke's face too long. I don't know. But I guess you aren't the "every" or the "one" in everyone if you don't own a Birkin bag. Vanessa Bryant should be a guest editor for GOOP.
And now Kobe knows that if he wants to get rid of Vanessa Bryant, he just has to throw a championship game.
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Dear Vanessa,
Please return my frock to my climate controlled costume crypt where i keep my wigs and former lovers... btw please have it dry cleaned and sanitized (taking special care to wash out the scent of Charlie cologne you types love so much.
-signed
Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter
I understand the last statement. It would suck to have a husband who was away all the time--absent father, absent husband, etc.--and all he does is benchwarm. If you're going to put the family through the stress at least be good at what you're doing.
Love this hoodrat! Cause she is a straight biatch to yo face..unlike kim and her sisters who are straight up bullies...at least vanessa knows how to be tongue and cheek... And,imho i feel like kim and her sisters have always been jacking her style and legacy...but,bitch please with the special wives priveledges...they are only nice to you cause you helped keep their cash cow out of jail when he fucked that fat white bitch in the ass in colorado.so,dont get it twisted girlfriend or fuck with the nba cause you in danga girl....
I can only imagine what their conversations are like! Shrudders!
Wow, you really are quite special, esp in the brain cell dept.
Wow, she is one shallow, ignorant, superficial individual. Disgustingly declasse.
STFU fat ass smug whore !!!
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
Oh twat I am so sorry! It's hard for me to go to the shelters. I'm sure your kitty is in a better place where she is healthy and happy an checks in with you!
Submitted by lislop on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 5:11pm.
She's a piece of work, but Kobe isn't easy to live with either. Seems like this was a marriage that should have lasted.
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It did last.....for 10 years. In California, that's just long enough to be considered a "long-term marriage" where the wife gets half of everything.
Well played, madam....well played.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
GG, getting your eyebrows did, sounds... hot? hahahaha Maybe it's because she's dressed up but I don't see chola here, I see ONLY KK!
Vanessa, how hard can it be to dress bettah? Even Dame Edna looks CLASSIER than this, and I doubt he has as much money to work with! HA!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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This bitch is delusional at best. She was broke ass high school student when they met, now she's talking a lot of shit. Does she have a GED? 17 is the legal age for consent, Kobe was only 21, but I'm sure she wasn't 17 probably younger. Kobe had a fiance when the news broke he and his wife were married. She was all over Philly radio talking aboutthat shit, she had a ring and everything. That is why his family was really mad about, this girl was at least in college, Kobe traded down.
In all these yearsI still think her family had something onhim to force him to marry her ass. Shit he has been fucking around since day one and she is still with him. Something ain't right, a real gold digger would have taken the money and ran a longtime ago, they have no prenup.
Her photo reminds me of the Dolly Parton joke: "It takes a lot of money to make me look this cheap."
WR, I must now go on a pilgrimage to El Monte and have my eyebrows did!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
If they have the sexs...I can hear her telling him "put your dick in a birkin bag and then you can fuck me"...stupid bitch!
Coma Caca!
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GG, you HAVE BEEN CHOLA SCHOOLED!!
@LaChaylo, OLOLOLOLOL only "Excuse My Beauty" could have done it better!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Twatty, can't wait for your update that you have a new kitty!!! :)
OnT: So who came first, the Vane or the KK? lolol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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A thousand pardons LaChaylo!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
These rich hos are too much. And look at the pup, obviously headachy from the constant hair blowout fkery they impose on him, scoping out his next shit zone, lol. SHIT ALL OVER THAT PLACE PUP WE UNDERSTAND YOUR STRUGGLES
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“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' He's two. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.” -George Carlin (RIP MCA and C.Hitchens) *caprica six was/is here*
Ooooh, Vanessa. You have been getting a little lax with the snacks!
And I hope all goes well with your audition "Los wives de Futbol!" as you are obviously trying out for the part of Vixen wife of Carlos Sanchez, Maria del Los Cantina del Casa de Chola Whores!
Get it, hija!!
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"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
lol @ "Garbage Grove". 'Nuff said right there.
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Just here for the fun
GG, any self respecting chola would not have such horrible taste. Pregnancy to keep a man? Possibly. Be a bitch to hos who try to step in on your territory? Yes! But wear a dress which would look better as drapes than the abomination hanging in that Dynasty reject room? Nevah!!
Kizzy -- thanks, hon. I want one bad, but in time it will happen. I went to a friend's house yesterday to get some kitty lovin' from her cat; I crave animal love every now & then.
Wait a minute...this uppity bitch is from Garbage Grove!!! Fuck you...you're just a chola not an Astor!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by JTROS on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 3:00pm.
It's not just athletes. I have a friend who is a very up-and-coming state official down South and he has ALWAYS dated dumb assed bimbettes, or women who were lacking in the brains department or just plain needy. He's extremely good looking, very well educated, but the women he dates are seriously losers. He likes to prey on vulnerable women. He told me once that men need to feel needed, so I guess picking these women makes him feel like a man.
I imagine that Kobe got caught up in Vanessa's ho web and he wasn't really expecting it to turn into a longterm thing. That, and she probably knows how to sucky, sucky, so there you go.
And I thought Kanye and Kim were the perfect couple of assholes.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 5:36pm.
Oh Twatty, I'm so, so sorry. All I can tell you is, a kitten does help fill that hole. You love it for itself, and somethings do remind you of what your other kitty did or did not do, but it does help. JMOE
OT: Bitch deserves a huge rock everytime he fucks up, because he's too fucking stupid to keep his shit on the downlow, and everybody and their grandmother knows what a fuckup he is.
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
I am sure what needs to be said about this one-good-meal-away-from-being-fat, high school dropout, entitled, self important, delusional, lumpy, fake assed bitch has already been said, so I have nothing to add.
Kris10 -- I had a kitty that died in March. I'm still mourning her loss. I'm still numb over it and it's going to take me some time to get another one. I got her from a rescue and I now realize she had never been well, so I'm a little soured on the whole experience; I might get one from a shelter the next time. I'd been a dog person my whole life but that little 7-pound kitteh made me a crazy cat lady. Poor thing, I get the sads just thinking about her.
Vanessa Bryant in her most natural element:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYnZMMAdBhw
No wonder his parents were pissed that he fell for her. She's always looked like a hooker. Seriously, no matter how hard she tries, she can't get rid of that low class aura about her. Her cunt ways are legendary.
http://web.archive.org/web/20070406105500/http://allstarz.hollywood.com/...
I wonder if she collects merkins too?
Puppeh looks like he's dropping a deuce on the marble tile!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Whose hair is she wearing? Did she say?
She looks tacky as hell. That dress is not flattering on her at all.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
I've always thought she was very pretty and sexy looking which sort of explains why Kobe fell for her. She's also the type of women who would push her husband and Kobe no doubt liked that. Very successful men want a woman like that.
She's a piece of work, but Kobe isn't easy to live with either. Seems like this was a marriage that should have lasted.
No wonder Kobe cheated on this thing.
Oh my god! Don’t you hate it when everyone is looking at your chi chi to see how big, cute, stylish or gold plated that shit is? Girl that is way too much pressure, my gosh juggling back to back pedicure sessions with step aerobics and botox injections got me winded girl. What? Another glass of champagne? Bixch it’s only eleven in the morning, but what do I care, Im’s a loaded on account of being your rent a basket ball bixch. Pour that good shit now!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/08/nbas-fashionable-wives-only-marr...
For someone so private, she's very forthcoming. Do.not.care.Van!
"#GetMoneyBitch Foundation. So giving." -- HAHAHAHAHA
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I'm feeling her on the Birkin thing. Every fucking celebrity has one. It's like a Coach....that costs 10k. :-)
Pretentious much, ho? shit, your man fucks other women, get over yourself skank!
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
o_O I just don't get cunts like this.
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Bitch please. If it wasn't for your husband you'd be slinging chicken parts at El Pollo Loco.
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Iris Chacon, ahi viene!
lol Dating a 17 year old when you are 19 years old does not make you a "pedo". Hell dating a 17 year old does not make you a pedo at all unless said 17 year old hasn't gone through puberty. *rolls eyes*
Anyway she's the cunt we all knew she was. At least her and Kobe are on the same page championships wise. Every time he doesn't win one it's a failure to him and wifey. Count Chocula is getting her money so tip of the hat to her, just make sure you get tested regularly girl.
KOBE was FORCED to marry her because her father threatened him since she was 17 years of age.
In every other country, a 17 year old could do what the f they wanted. The Law screwed Kobe.. He should have dealt with the consequences then and left this Jacked up face Harridan! She is just disgusting. Real trash, no wonder Kobe's parents hated the Ho!
Watching 'Lympics with someone who needs to borrow a credit card from this bitch to purchase a clue (and clearly is not the type who "gets it" and reads the D):
Person: "I've really gained new respect for Kobe during these Olympics."
Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhm... *blinks* Really. Why?"
Person: "Because he's been really friendly to everyone when they show him on TV and he's been signing autographs for everyone who comes up to him."
Me: *dumbfounded silence* "You do realize that's his job when the cameras are on, and that when the cameras are off he's dicking everything that moves in London, whether consenting or not."
Person: "He's not a rapist, that bitch was lying for money."
But the fact that Kobe married this bought-and-paid-for two dollah hoe doesn't count as "lying for money" with said Person, who otherwise holds very conservative views of the world. There is a lot of rose coloured glasses syndrome with people who idolize and support sports figures. They will ALWAYS see what they want to see in their "heroes". Rather frightening, really.
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Just here for the fun
Submitted by kiwikim on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 2:44pm.
Did anyone read that article? Kobe Bryant sounds like a pedo. She was still in school and Kobe came in a black mercedes to pick her up at the playground and flooded the school with roses. Seriously fucking gross. None of these guys is going to be marrying a woman with a PHD. Nouveau riche never change.
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In my opinion, most high performing athletes, musicians, etc. DON'T want an intelligent woman as their wife/girlfriend. To have someone who is smarter than them would be like losing a competition. They want to be dominant in all respects that are important (to them): money, fame, power, "intelligence"*. The only area that seems to be okay for them to be "less" in is the looks department.
*I use the word intelligence loosely because a lot of athletes, musicians, etc. can barely string a coherent sentence together.
Again, this is just MY opinion.
DAMN with those triple-wide hips, bitch... For her exercise is obviously carrying around pounds of plastic in her ugly bags.
She needs that red dress like the red flag the big trucks use when they trailer something that is waaaaaay too big to actually fit into it's allotted space.
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Just here for the fun
Bitch is shallower than a cookie sheet and not worth the time it takes to read her mindless cotton-headed blather.
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Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Did anyone read that article? Kobe Bryant sounds like a pedo. She was still in school and Kobe came in a black mercedes to pick her up at the playground and flooded the school with roses. Seriously fucking gross. None of these guys is going to be marrying a woman with a PHD. Nouveau riche never change.
Submitted by guest on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 2:21pm.
Submitted by JTROS on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 2:16pm.
Lol. Are they pomeranians too?
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Naw. My girl is a yorkie-poo who honestly thinks that she's a mix between a human being and a Great Dane. lol.
Looking at old photos of her (I didn't know who she was). She has gained a lot of weight. Looks to be a solid 16-now.