Snow White Isn’t Going To Be In The Snow White Sequel

August 15, 2012 / Posted by:

Things we don’t need: from Hollywood: A sequel to Ho White and The Cuntsman. 

Things Hollywood will give us anyway, because they know we’ll throw our money at them if they make it shiny: A sequel to Ho White and The Cuntsman. 

The Hollywood Reporter says that because Snow White and The Huntsman made almost $400 million worldwide, Universal is planning a sort of sequel. I say “sort of” sequel, because the Snow White in Snow White and The Huntsman won’t be in the next movie. Universal probably thinks that if they put Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders on the same set again, those two whores will spend all their time dry humping each other’s faces in her trailer and the movie will never get made (that’s not a bad thing). So Universal has taken a red Sharpie and scribbled a giant L (short for lip-biting home wrecker whore) on KStew’s face before kicking her out of the sequel. Universal’s sequel will be all about The Huntsman. So basically, it’s going to be a day at the ren faire with Thor.

David Koepp, who wrote the first movie, has also been kicked out, because the sequel has become something other than the movie they hired him to write. Universal hasn’t hired a director for the sequel, but Rupert Sanders is still on a list of possibilities.

But wait. Universal tells The Los Angeles Times that The Hollywood Reporter’s story isn’t exactly made of 100% truthfulness. They say that yes, they are working on a movie about The Huntsman, but Kristen Stewart’s Snow White might still be in it. My guess is that Snow White will only be the first part. You know, Snow White will be caught getting her pussy eaten by a married dwarf in Cinderella’s pumpkin car and they’ll banish that slut to the Whore Forest.

No, I don’t think we need a movie about The Huntsman, but I will approve of it as long it’s nothing but 2 hours of Chris Hemsworth carrying a baby (see old pictures from July below). Or Chris Hemsworth can carry a dwarf or a bag of crab apples for 2 hours. I don’t care about the details as long as he’s cradling something in his “anaconda swallowing a warthog” arms.

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