The Silver Fox’s Piece Pulls A Kristen Stewart

It all went to piss when they let Fuggie Fug get between them, obviously. The Daily Mail has some slightly ESCANDALOSO and EXLUSIVO pictures of The Silver Fox’s rumored fiance Ben Maisani sucking face with a piece who isn’t silver on top and doesn’t have creamy porcelain skin like an angel’s organic cum shot. Basically, Ben MESSani is making mouth love with a dude who isn’t Anderson Cooper and he’s doing it all out in the open. Here’s my theories about this shit:

1. Ben has brains of dried squirrel shit and he’s a dumb, cheating skank whore who has committed an ILLEGAL act by stepping out on The Silver Fox. When Andy Coo is calling you his own, the only thing you put your lips on besides him is a fucking lucky star, because you’re screwing on The Silver Fox. That is living the life. If Ben is passing his peen to other whores behind Andy’s ass, then he obviously wants to get caught, because who kisses their side piece out in the open besides KStew’s dumb ass. You take that shit private and by private I mean the second bathroom at the gay bar Eastern Bloc. I just hope that this doesn’t break Andy’s heart into a million black pieces and makes his angelic hair turn charcoal black from being betrayed. If I wasn’t a lazy piece of lazy shit, I’d totally work out until I got biceps on my lashes so Andy Coo would have an eight pack to cry on.

2. They have an open relationship. I know, crazy. If I was with the Silver Fox, I’d have an open relationship. But by that I mean that my legs would be open 24 hours a day for his ass. I’m sorry if there are children in the room, but that’s just the truth. Why lick on another trick when you can fill your mouth with diamond dust by licking on The Silver Fox’s nipple. That’s just crazy!

I hope theory #2 is the correct theory, because if Anderson Cooper’s heart breaks, the world will split in two and the apocalypse will swallow us whole before spitting us out into the depths of hell. We have failed as a people if Andy Coo’s heart breaks. I’m just going to blame Fergie.

That being said, I’m totally twisting my nipples to those pictures. Shame: You can’t ever accuse me of having any.