“Basketball Wives” Is Gonna Be REAL Fucked Up Next Season

August 12, 2012 / Posted by:

There is no reason for anyone to be hitting anyone else unless someone is trying to kill you, your children are in danger, your mother is being raped or WE stops running Golden Girls reruns. Damn.

Basketball Wives tigress (and emitter of the classic “non-muthafuckin’ factor” read) Evelyn Lozada had to make an unscheduled trip to the ER last night. Her husband, Miami Dolphin Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson, allegedly head-butted her during an argument. Ow? Dude has a prominent forehead so Evelyn is lucky her own melon is still attached to the rest of her gold-diggin’ body.

TMZ sez that Lozada found a receipt for condoms in Chad’s ride, and those rubbers obviously hadn’t seen the inside of her vagine. She confronted him about it, and that was when he supposedly Chris Brown-ed her. Chad claims it was an accident, but he was still arrested and booked on a single domestic charge and will soon be out on $2,500 bond.

Evelyn had lacerations (yikes) on her forehead and was taken to the hospital in Florida. She’s since been released.

Was this just for the cameras? That’s awful to think. But this is exactly the sort of “storyline” that takes place on that show. I don’t hate to say it – Basketball Wives regularly features people acting like rabid animals and fistfights abound over things like imagined dirty looks, insinuations that people aren’t being “real,” and unsent party invites. People get paid to act gross, and producers encourage their antics to make it more enjoyable to watch. My head is hung, because I am guilty as fuck for perpetuating it because I watch this shit along with everyone else. Mostly because Tami Roman is my favorite television drunk. Her journey from “It wasn’t not funny” on The Real World: Los Angeles to “Bougie Bitch. I’m going to get some fucking t-shirts made that say “Bougie Ass Bitch!” on Wives has thrilled and inspired me.

But then it leads to crazy like this. Dude used that big cranium to HEADBUTT his wife. Time the fuck out, everyone. Let’s keep our melons to ourselves.

Mugshot (and a picture from their wedding) below.

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