Papa Joe Busted For DUI
When Jessica Simpson gets a call on the hot dog phone next to her bed in the middle of the night on a Saturday, it's usually from a drunken Papa Joe asking her what she's wearing. But on the night of August 4th, Papa Joe called Jessica Simpson on the hot dog phone next to her bed to ask her to pick him up from jail....and then he asked her what she was wearing. TMZ says that Papa Joe put his Christian pastor values to good use last Saturday night when he drank some of the fermented blood of Christ before getting in his car to drive down Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks.
Papa Joe was driving along when a flashing police siren in his rear-view mirror made whatever buzz he had left in his system slip out of his b-hole, because his drunk time drive party for one was officially over. The cops walked up to Papa Joe's window and got the feeling that he was under the influence of booze, so they arrested him, took him down to jail and kept him there the entire night. Papa Joe was released the next morning without having to pay bail. Criminal charges against him haven't been filed yet.
Nowhere in TMZ's report does it say that the cop tested Papa Joe's state of drunkenness with a sobriety test or a breathalyzer blow, so I'm guessing the officers just got the sense that he was boozed up. Was it because Papa Joe pulled a Randy Travis and wasn't wearing pants when they pulled him over? Because Papa Joe never drives with pants on. Papa Joe always keeps it pant-less while driving, because he's always prepared to tickle his down low parts with one hand as a sexy young piece next to his car walks down the street. And it would be highly irresponsible of Papa Joe to use both of his hands to take his pants off while driving. Maybe the cops figured Papa Joe was drunk, because when they walked up to his window, he told them to squeeze them titties together and shake, shake, shake 'em for daddy, bitch. That doesn't mean Papa Joe's drunk! Because both Jessica and Ashlee will tell you that he does that even when he's sober.
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can't his daughter sell a couple of pairs of shoes and get him a cap for that molar?
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:32am.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:27am.
a novelty tee shirt that says "Gynocology Is My Hobby".
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*ADDS TO CHRISTMAS WISH LIST*
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Paging Dr. Jack-n-hat.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:38am.
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Doc, Boom goes the dynamite. LMFAO
I miss the days when only celebs screwed up. Now we have all their freaking family members jockying for attention and getting into trouble *bleurgh* PLEASE kick all those fhukers off the stage man - put them back in the background where they belong!
Reverend Papa Joe and his daughters give me the heebie jeebies, thanks MK! >:( lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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<"Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:13am.
Joe looks like a 100% str8 tuna-tasting exclusive fish-fucking real man heterosexual!">
What a shame, Mrs. And believe it or not, I believe there ARE pics of him presenting hole!
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:32am.
but he probably ask to preview it and see that its done right.
Looking at his picture always makes me want to take a shower. He is so creepy in a pervert way. Why hasn't Jessica's mom taken half and run?
Ok, the dude is skeevy! Why the hell is he advertising his perversion??? Sicko moron!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
GG... from Radar:
"I’ve lost count of how many lines Joe Simpson has crossed. Family pictures at gatherings and trips are normal. Telling your daughter to bend over and wait while you adjust the light so it bounces off her ass just right is not so normal."
:'''(
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
GG: he's on record as saying some pretty sketchy stuff. Definitely has issues with boundaries.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:27am.
a novelty tee shirt that says "Gynocology Is My Hobby".
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*ADDS TO CHRISTMAS WISH LIST*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Well, in all fairness, I'm sure Papa Joe stood outside the bathroom door explaining how to put the tampon in. He didn't actually try to do it himself. That would be WRONG.
I never heard of this guy before I stared lurking here so I assumed it was mostly all snark so....did he really lust after his own daughter and did he really get busted with a hooker that looked like her? *gags and cries into coffee*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:26am.
hahaha papa joe probably says giggity as well.
Dp
I'm sure Jesus is overjoyed this nasty fuck is no longer claiming to be in his service.
He'd totally be a disgraced preacher by now, getting caught with a Chestica - looking prosti.
I'm surprised Mama Simpson hasn't said good riddance but I guess he's the master mind of having our brains infected with Chestica.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:20am.
He was probably the one who took her for her first bra. And explained how to Insert a tampon.
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While wearing a novelty tee shirt that says "Gynocology Is My Hobby".
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
loopy - they exist... and they're everywhere!!!!
*giggity*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:20am.
He was probably the one who took her for her first bra. And explained how to Insert a tampon.
*dry heaves*
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now you have just elevated the stories to a different level!
Submitted by fredfred on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:02am.
so, does california have the most lax dui laws or what? released w/o bail and no charges filed? wtf? is the same "sleep it off" courtesy extended to mere mortals?
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That only applies if you are "somebody" or make over 6 figures. Regular mofos get hauled in and their car impounded.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:19am.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! STR8 GUYZ R SO GHEY!
Funny thing is, I know someone that sounds just like that... very lame. LOL at BOOYAH!
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i got the inspiration from quagmire because i imagine thats what quagmire would say and do...hahaha
but i didn't think real quagmire's exist.
He was probably the one who took her for her first bra. And explained how to Insert a tampon.
*dry heaves*
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:11am.
"hay dude *high five* you tapping that azzz lately? thats a fine ass, you like hitting it? cuz ive been hearing noises from the room next door, and i put a glass cup against the wall and i hear what yal doing in there, BOOOYAH *high five* is she any good?"
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! STR8 GUYZ R SO GHEY!
Funny thing is, I know someone that sounds just like that... very lame. LOL at BOOYAH!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:14am.
Laughing too hard from y'all's comments.
But seriously, why do the cops bother pulling people per for DUI in CA? Apparently it's not a serious offense there.
I know. In Illinois you lose your license for at least a year, there are all kinds of fines and you have to get one of those breathalyzer things to start your car- and that is for your first offense.
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:18am.
Ahahaha, loopy--- you're not right in the head either.
*dies laughing and gags all at the same time, which is not nearly as easy or attractive as it sounds*
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awwww come on, im sure you can conjure up some papa joe stories!!
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:16am.
Does Jessic even have a mother? I don't thinknive ever heard a word about her or seen a photo of her. Hmmmm.
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same woman beyonce used to birth blue ivy carter.
Ahahaha, loopy--- you're not right in the head either.
*dies laughing and gags all at the same time, which is not nearly as easy or attractive as it sounds*
Does Jessic even have a mother? I don't thinknive ever heard a word about her or seen a photo of her. Hmmmm.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:14am.
Laughing too hard from y'all's comments.
But seriously, why do the cops bother pulling people per for DUI in CA? Apparently it's not a serious offense there.
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i dont get the opportunity very often to make fun of papa perve joe.
so when the opportunity comes knocking, i grasp it by the balls and dont let go.
Laughing too hard from y'all's comments.
But seriously, why do the cops bother pulling people per for DUI in CA? Apparently it's not a serious offense there.
Joe looks like a 100% str8 tuna-tasting exclusive fish-fucking real man heterosexual!
Submitted by miz cynical on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:07am.
I'll never forget how post-divorce, Nick Lachay said that Joe's influence on their marriage probably/maybe/definitely led to their divorce. Nast.
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yeah cuz Joe was trying to be "one of the boys" and whenever he chats with nick, he would like "hay dude *high five* you tapping that azzz lately? thats a fine ass, you like hitting it? cuz ive been hearing noises from the room next door, and i put a glass cup against the wall and i hear what yal doing in there, BOOOYAH *high five* is she any good?"
nasty drunken pig...probably got drunk thinking about how he can't touch jessica anymore...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I think my work here is done.
*slaps Jack on the ass on the way out*
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
I think that everyone is in a foul mood because supposedly, its foing to rain so hard on the East Coast that we're going to need an arc.
As for Joe, I could totally see him stealing her lingerie and blaming it on the paparazzi. And Jessica being too dumb to realize a) she never threw them ot and 2) why would the paps want them?
I'll never forget how post-divorce, Nick Lachay said that Joe's influence on their marriage probably/maybe/definitely led to their divorce. Nast.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:02am.
Jacko- Ha!
loopy- *huah huah* I won't even mention using his daughter's used tampons to make tea. Oh... WHOOPS...
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wow i cant top that lol and i thought licking the lactating bra was bad.
Jessica Simpson's father/manager/minister/lover Joe Simpson was arrested for DUI last week. He spent a night in jail. HAHA Gawker! "lover"
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Uvy!! *BARFS*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
ubmitted by snowpiece on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:54am.
damn y'all are nasty this morning!!!! *goes back to staring at oozing meat*
**************************I do that too! Have you watched the video? I want to but I don't think I have the stones. It queases me out so, yet I am drawn to it. I need a synopsis from one who has braved it.
so, does california have the most lax dui laws or what? released w/o bail and no charges filed? wtf? is the same "sleep it off" courtesy extended to mere mortals?
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watching hardcore ufos
Jacko- Ha!
loopy- *huah huah* I won't even mention using his daughter's used tampons to make tea. Oh... WHOOPS...
*holds can out for jack*
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
'When Jessica Simpson gets a call on the hot dog phone next to her bed in the middle of the night on a Saturday, it's usually from a drunken Papa Joe asking her what she's wearing.'
Bwahaha, MK--- you are not right in the head.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:54am.
must be something in the air, cuz everybody is in a mean mood lol
damn y'all are nasty this morning!!!! *goes back to staring at oozing meat*
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:50am.
loopy- Just imagining that gave me the total skeeves. I bet he's a close talker- one that wheezes his boozy breath into your face and tries to kiss your ear while his hand gets lower and lower on the small of your back.
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yeh and dont forget his peen is rubbing your leg, cuz he is dry humping your leg and then all the sudden you see a wet patch, cuz that sick fuck peed from the exciting since he couldn't cum cuz he was too drunk.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:50am.
"...I bet he's a close talker- one that wheezes his boozy breath into your face and tries to kiss your ear while his hand gets lower and lower on the small of your back."
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You rang?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Lord he is disgusting.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:48am.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:46am.
I can always count on you to make me laugh Loopey, and I bet you are totally right.
He probably steals her bras and panties and sniffs them. Sick, drunk, fuck!
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he steals the bra thats still wet from the lactating, then he licks the milky wet spot and sniffs it.
loopy- Just imagining that gave me the total skeeves. I bet he's a close talker- one that wheezes his boozy breath into your face and tries to kiss your ear while his hand gets lower and lower on the small of your back.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.