Papa Joe Busted For DUI
When Jessica Simpson gets a call on the hot dog phone next to her bed in the middle of the night on a Saturday, it’s usually from a drunken Papa Joe asking her what she’s wearing. But on the night of August 4th, Papa Joe called Jessica Simpson on the hot dog phone next to her bed to ask her to pick him up from jail….and then he asked her what she was wearing. TMZ says that Papa Joe put his Christian pastor values to good use last Saturday night when he drank some of the fermented blood of Christ before getting in his car to drive down Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks.
Papa Joe was driving along when a flashing police siren in his rear-view mirror made whatever buzz he had left in his system slip out of his b-hole, because his drunk time drive party for one was officially over. The cops walked up to Papa Joe’s window and got the feeling that he was under the influence of booze, so they arrested him, took him down to jail and kept him there the entire night. Papa Joe was released the next morning without having to pay bail. Criminal charges against him haven’t been filed yet.
Nowhere in TMZ’s report does it say that the cop tested Papa Joe’s state of drunkenness with a sobriety test or a breathalyzer blow, so I’m guessing the officers just got the sense that he was boozed up. Was it because Papa Joe pulled a Randy Travis and wasn’t wearing pants when they pulled him over? Because Papa Joe never drives with pants on. Papa Joe always keeps it pant-less while driving, because he’s always prepared to tickle his down low parts with one hand as a sexy young piece next to his car walks down the street. And it would be highly irresponsible of Papa Joe to use both of his hands to take his pants off while driving. Maybe the cops figured Papa Joe was drunk, because when they walked up to his window, he told them to squeeze them titties together and shake, shake, shake ’em for daddy, bitch. That doesn’t mean Papa Joe’s drunk! Because both Jessica and Ashlee will tell you that he does that even when he’s sober.