Kristen Stewart Doesn’t Want To Show Her Face

August 9, 2012 / Posted by:

RPattz will publicly show his face on The Daily Show on Monday night for the first time since we all learned that contract relationships just aren’t what they used to be. Even though RPattz is ready to smear grease glitter all over cameras by showing his face, Kristen Stewart isn’t ready yet. KStew is still curled up in the back of her hermit cave and cuddling with the only thing in life that understands her: her bong. The Daily Mail says that KStew has pulled out of the movie Cali, and Radar says that she won’t make an appearance at the London screening of her new movie On The Road. A source says that KStew is just too embarrassed and doesn’t want Nutty Madam to show up to the premiere and eat her out of rage.

“Kristen won’t be doing the red carpet for On The Road – she’s too ashamed to show her face in public right now. After everything that has been said, and in light of the revelations that she cheated on Robert with director Rupert Sanders, she’s running scared at the moment. There’s also the dilemma of standing next to her co-star in the movie, Tom Sturridge. He’s very close to Rob and Kristen thinks it would be awkward for her to promote the movie on the red carpet alongside him. Kristen is very proud of her work for On The Road, she grew up reading Kerouac novels and this is a production she always wanted to star in. If she appears at the London premiere, it will detract people from the movie itself and Kristen doesn’t want that at all.

It’s kind of crazy how some crazies are crucifying this ho because she sucked on the face of a married man. Yeah, sucking on the face of a married man is kind of a dumb and heartless thing to do, but have we ever accused Kristen Stewart of having an actual beating human heart and have we ever accused her brain of producing smart thoughts? Exactly. KStew shouldn’t be hiding her face because she rubbed her twat on married man lips in public. Big deal. She should be hiding her face because she was in Twatlight. Now that’s some “put your head down and weep” shit.

And the organizers of the On The Road premiere should just grab a piece of water-damaged cardboard, draw a frowny face on it with a faded Sharpie and push it out on the red carpet. Everybody will think it’s Kristen Stewart and everybody will say that she’s never looked hotter.

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