6 Mud-Covered Gems From The Premiere Of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
The Learning Channel outdid themselves last night when they showed us every angle of every sparkle in the crown diamond on top of western civilization's crown. I was all ready to feel my soul slip out of my asshole while watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but a strange thing happened, I loved every messy second of it from the family constantly talking about farting to the family saving money by buying ole' stale baked goods at a food auction so they can afford to spend thousands of dollars on Honey Boo Boo Chile's tacky ass pageant crap. The whole show was like if a bunch of juggalos put on a play called Anna Nicole Smith: The Early Years. This is WHY we have nice things, Amurica!
6-year-old beauty queen Honey Boo Boo Chile is supposed to be the superstar of the show, but the real star of the show, besides Glitzy the gay pig, is Mama June and her hundreds of chins that look like Jabba the Hutt's foreskin. 32-year-old Mama June is married (I think) to 40-year-old Sugar Bear and together they have 4 daughters: Honey Boo Boo, 12-year-old Pumpkin, 15-year-old Chubbs and 17-year-old Chickadee who is knocked up. I'll wait here as you turn inside out from grossness after figuring out that Mama June and Sugar Bear made Chickadee when she was 15 and he was 23.
There are so many eloquent quotes from last night's 2 episode premiere that I just want to put on microfiche and get surgically embedded into my heart, but here's just a few that I'm hoping will be put into a book of poetry so our grandchildren's grandchildren can study it and write 10,000 word essays about it in college. This is how I like my poetry.
"You have to take pride in how you look. Granted, I ain't the most beautimous out the box, but a little paint on this barn, shine it back to its original condition. Cause it shines up like it's brand new." - Mama June
"There are some broke down people out there. Please, women, that are of voluptuous size, put some clothes on. All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous. You don't see my shit hanging all out. My damn three bellies. There's girls bigger than me and they've got them bikinis on that literally they eatin' the bikini. Their body is just eatin' it like SLURP!" - Mama June
"If a person farts 12 to 15 times a day then they're healthy, so I guess my girls are healthy in that respect." - Mama June
"There's a lot of people that are bigger than me. They got five hundred chins. I only got about two or three, but I embrace it." - Mama June
"That's a girl name, Glitzy. We're going to make it a girl pig, so he's going to be a little gay. Yes, it is gay, because we're making it a girl pig and it's a boy pig." - Honey Boo Boo Chile
"It's called a 'biscuit' cause it looks like a biscuit. Ya know, when it opens up and um.... You know, it does. It looks like a biscuit. If you look at a biscuit and if it's cooked right, you know, like in, like a, like Hardee's or something, you can..." - Mama June
And if you pull up to a Hardee's every morning before work to order a biscuit, think of Mama June's "biscuit" when you bite into that.
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Mama June looks really good for her age.
Submitted by BangoSkank on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 11:36pm.
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Bango, come on here and vent anytime, you hear? Maybe go to OP, or if you can't vent, then scream! We'll find something to distract you, sorry for all the peen talk, Loopy is always a bad influence, haha
Always happy to see you pop in, btw! ;P
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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This will be Taterhead Willis if she puts on weight.
OffT, damnit, homeboy here was talking my fking ear off. sheesh
Anywho, I just finished re-watching the 'trailer' for the season premier of this mess, where HBB says "Anna's ("chickadee") the pregnantestst!..." and died laughing again. fml.
I keep feeling like Bristol Palin, and the Palin's in general, are related to Boo.
*mulls this shit; pours another
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“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' He's two. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.” -George Carlin (RIP MCA and C.Hitchens) *caprica six was/is here*
Dropped my other comment. I will never see an episode of this. I grew up with people like this, so I don't need to see it again.
Also, the finger by the pig looks kind of like a nipple--just saying...
Hey Within...
I'm having such a shitty day, that I want to take it out on someone.... I guess I can't blame anyone who tunes in to a hot mess like this boo-boo shit, but I want to...
So many people have disappointed --or outright fucked with me-- today, I don't know what to do.. Other than lay blame, I guess.
Sad, pathetic, but true.
:(
So grossed out...I can't even....
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
Hi CSG, IKR? *whispers* This does motivate one to work out... a lot! Plus they're gross for all the stuff they do, yuck. *gags*
Not knocking those who like it, to each their own... but can't see the appeal. Honey Boo Boo was very funny in her old clips though. ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I rue the day I ever dissed the Kardashians. I will take Pimp mama Kriss over Pizza the hut (with coupons) any day of the week.
Wow, what a great audience.
I did not get the biscuit reference. I was like "..the hell is she talking about?" I had to google it.
Who's who-haa looks like a fucking biscuit?! I've watched a lot of porn and I have never seen lady parts that resembled a goddamn biscuit.
Submitted by deucenoir on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:45pm.
this show is the perfect palate cleanser to all these weeks of watching humanity's most perfect specimens in the Olympics.
and great motivation to keep on my diet. win-win!
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LOLZ - so, so true! I've been watching the Olympics and keep telling myself I have to work out, but after watching this family I got my lazy ass on my bike tonight and hit the bike trail. It's funny - I watch people with 0 body fat and only think about working out, but after watching this pod of land whales I made sure to get off my fat ass and start moving.
Thanks Honey Boo Boo Chile!
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I always knew that Lassie's successor would be a chihuahua. (Cut to my chihuahua who spent a full 2 minutes looking for his own b-hole before giving up and going back to bed for the 10th time this morning.) - MK
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown
I happened to catch bits of these two episodes...I was dying laughing and cringing awkwardly at the same time. Now I definitely understand why people see Southerners this way, but we're not all like Mama June and her beautimous-ness! I love that 90% of what they say is subtitled and that they live literally ten feet away from the train tracks.
Lindsay Lohan's costar's nalgas flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.
this show is the perfect palate cleanser to all these weeks of watching humanity's most perfect specimens in the Olympics.
and great motivation to keep on my diet. win-win!
Thanks so much, "Mama" June...biscuits, which I once loved more than life itself, are now RUINED for me forever...
And why in the name of HELL are we encouraging the white trash element in this country, by giving these people their own show??? (I'm caucasian, so it's OK for me to use that expression, right?)...
The only redeeming quality that I find in this mess is the pig, so why don't we just give the cute little pig his own TV show?
There's hella toilet paper behind her in the fourth pic. I wonder if she bought that in an auction too.
The learning channel is trying to teach us all that psychopaths are normal instead of genetic trash. Just warehouse these hambeasts and let the normal folks get on with their fapping. I can smell the genetic brain damage from here. I can only hope they all eat themselves to death before next season.
This is why I no longer have cable. I'm actually trying to keep psychopathy out of my house and act halfway sane myself!
---------- Dying’s for amateurs. C. Sheen
Whamo & IF, LOL @ cunnilingual with 9" tongue and bunnies through backdoors! ;)
Whamo, you must learn to breathe through your eyes and whisper sweet nothings through your nose, IF would demand at least that! ahaha
OnT: Looks like the Mom is the only one happy to be there? Oh brother!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Dude that mama june is a fucking ugly shit, i'm so scared that i won't be eating until the next millenium
Karma is a Bitch
They look just like the majority of people in northern WI. North , South, East, West; we all have our fat white burdens to bear.
I also think it is abusive to give a child the nickname Chubbs. Not right. Not cool.
Guess I'll have to give my hands a rest. Arthritis is acting up because I'm typing so much with my BB. Hopefully I can get back on later! Nobody leave now, ok??! =)
For those that do have to leave, or I'm not able to make it back in, then good night and thanks for the laughs! {O:
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
i love this show. this and the dog whisperer, best shows on tv
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other) -MK
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I can probably fit 10 dicks up my ass, but that doesn't make it right -MK
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ubmitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:50pm.
Whamo is cunnilingual.
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Just another thing I have my Masters in.
As I mentioned before, I do have a 9" tongue and I can breath through my ears :P
I wish I loved myself as much as Mama June loves herself...that goes double for Honey Boo Boo...
Submitted by BangoSkank on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:03pm.
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I know what you mean Bango. I concentrate on how awful this family is, how horrible the show, the network, on and on... LOL DListers get very little blame, after all, we all have guilty pleasures, *this is not one of mine btw* haha
Hi!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Alien-"...But what is wrong with that girl who looks so dumb all the time and has a vacant look? You know, the one who is on the left side of the pic on MK's pic..."
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Not to worry. Her body is still processing out all the moonshine Mama June drank during the pregnancy. She's reached the hangover stage, she's almost sober for the first time.
That's why Honey Boo Boo acts the fool like she does, she's still drunk! =)
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:32pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:15pm.
I'm sorry, my little Mocha Choca Lata, I got carried away!
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That's ok my sweet Shamrock, it happens to me sometimes too:D
*opens back door let's bunny hop off into the sunset*
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@ Crazy..".Omg...don't ya' just hate the clingy, psychopathic ones? Lol"....Are there any that aren't? :P
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# Reason....you're too fast for me, I'll have to see your other responses, I'm sorry:(
I try my best not to attack other Dlisters, but if you support this shit by watching, you're part of what's wrong with this country...
Okay well you also have to bring the booze and the gps then.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Irish..you're very welcome.
And I think Whamo may be *wishing* he was honing his cunnilingual skills more often. ;o}
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
@ Stoney
I'm in. But I don't want to touch fat people so I'll drive the getaway car.
dementa: "no matter how educated, intelligent or refined you are, if you say you're an American than other countries' people see you THAT WAY."
I'm laughing because this is true.
I am going to form a secret gang of soldiers to seek out this honey doo doo bile bitch and her trashball sisters and sterilize them all with a strong kick to the groin. It is a noble mission. Who's with me?
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Oh for #*@%'s sake, please don't tell me people are watching this crap.
STOP SUPPORTING THIS SHIT TELEVISION!!!!
VAJIGGLE JAGGLE
Well thank you crazyassmom! ________________________________
Dark-sided!
Whamo is cunnilingual.
Oh ok, that was lame. But it's all I have on this rainy Thursday night! ________________________________
Dark-sided!
TLC should stand for Totally Low Class.
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 8:59pm.
Wow..latin in 5th grade? Geez. Are you're kids up to 5th grade yet? If so, how are they doing in it?
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@ IF
Thanks, I get it now. Such a cool sounding language! You are a very lucky lady to have come from what I've heard is a very beautiful place!! And that shot of the "little furies" in your avi is adorbs!!!
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
I don't get TLC. Where can I go watch this hot mess. I think it will be me and Mr. Marbles new favorite show! Yikes!
Multilingual too. English is my third language (Turkish and French are my main languages.) Also learned Spanish and Italian, but since I don't practice, I can't really speak it that well anymore. I can still understand it, though.
Submitted by C6 on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 8:41pm.
Team Gaelic and any multilingual here
Dad was a linguist through HS; 4 yrs Latin, 2 yrs Gaelic in study abroad years. Irish Catholic HS. He went on to be a Comm Tech in the Army due to his early exposure.
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hiii C6! Thosaigh me ag foghlaim Gaeilge ("I started learning Irish," IrishFury can correct me if this is completely wrong, LOL). An teanga deacair agus iontach!
I've tried to teach myself, b/c I've always been fascinated with Ireland and the Irish language. It's slow going though. It's definitely the hardest language I've tried to learn. I generally do pretty well with grammar, but I honestly cannot pronounce the stuff for the life of me.
I'm wondering whether to spring for Rosetta Stone; I've heard good things.
I hate people like this. They're the reason why, no matter how educated, intelligent or refined you are, if you say you're an American than other countries' people see you THAT WAY.
Yes, I know that other countries all have their own versions of our hillbilly trash (watch "Cold Comfort Farm," which is basically about BRITISH inbred white trash in the 1920s). But for some reason, some people see ALL Americans as trash.
And ferfuksake, why is she explaining about vaginas? I'm pretty sure at least three of her daughters are already fucking their cousins.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
IF, "Mocha Choca Lata" - ollloooolll
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Deb, feel better soon! Heating pad at home and stick-on icy-hot outside, no? Plus get those refills, stat!
Those classes sound amazing! And you absorb so much about the country as well. If you're good with languages, you'll pick up expressions in no time! I love all that stuff! ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:15pm.
"Um EXCUSE ME!!!
*dangles bunny by the ears over pot of boiling water!*"
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Omg...don't ya' just hate the clingy, psychopathic ones? Lol
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
i can't believe i forgot and missed it. goddam olympics.
Glitzy the Gay Pig. the gifts just keep on coming
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:15pm.
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:03pm.
Want to see my vagina? It's Irish, you know!
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Um EXCUSE ME!!!
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I'm sorry, my little Mocha Choca Lata, I got carried away!
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Dark-sided!
Whamo, didn't you see my post there, PLEASE correcting posts, as if this WERE ENGLISH CLASS, pfffft, lmao every time I see that.
Imma have to use that more often. Of course it isn't! One can write however the eff'n Fhuk one feels like! Fuhk *crying* ☺
OnT: ya grossness!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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"Just imagine Big Ang, Mama the Hutt here, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, and Jan Crouch..."
---- ...umm,...doing.what? *shudders*
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@ GG
I think if my family looked like that (and myself included) I'd keep my eyes closed most of the time as well! Lol. Never know when one of the wildebeasts will saunter by or an innocent mirror will pop up around the corner! =)
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IF- I loved Ireland and the language also. Sooo want to visit some day. Doubtful, but...
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Submitted by tardistraveler on Thu, 08/09/2012 - 9:02pm.
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Ikr!? Love those accents, also love the Australian and New Zealand accents as well!!
Yumm-f'n-mmmyy!
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
That was a spectacular show, I was entertained for the first time in a long while!
But what is wrong with that girl who looks so dumb all the time and has a vacant look? You know, the one who is on the left side of the pic on MK's pic.
Their dad is like a sad, anemic Popeye. And the pig makes me sad too, poor animal.
I don't know if anyone watched Toddlers and Tiaras too last night, but I saw some glimpses and Honey Boo Boo's family name roadkill deer and eat them!
I can't wait to see more of this train wreck of a show, I've already programmed it so that my phone will remind me to turn the TV on :)