Last we left drunken mess Randy Travis, he was arrested for living out a sad country song by drowning his sorrows with cups of the sweet nectar while parked in front of a baptist church near his house in Texas. Not much has changed since then. Randy is still spreading the foolery, is still out being a public drunk and is still getting arrested for his dumb bitch antics, but this time he’s taken shit to a whole new level by taking off his panties for the cops.
While some of us were in dreamland, leaping across clouds made of Randy Travis’ ex-wife’s hair, his liquored up ass was on the side of a Texas road, yelling at the cops with his drunk peen hanging out. TMZ says that shortly after Randy crashed his 1998 Pontiac Trans Am into several construction zone barricades, the cops showed up and found him butt lips naked. Since Randy always has to give TMZ something to write about, he refused to take a breathalyzer. I will really be disappointed with Randy if he didn’t grab each one of his butt cheeks, spread ’em wide and tell the cop to shove the breathalyzer up in there. You really haven’t lived until you’ve blown a breathalyzer with your butt hole.
Randy was arrested immediately and thrown into the backseat of the trooper’s car. As Randy’s ass left sweat stains on the trooper’s backseat, he threatened to shoot at all the officers who arrested him. It’s unknown if Randy threatened to shoot them with a gun or shoot them with the possibly loaded weapon hanging off of his crotch. The cops weren’t going to take any chances and were not about to get hit with a whiskey-infused jizz bullet shooting out of Randy’s peen, so when they got to the station they covered him up with a t-shirt and some paper pants. Randy then threw Blue Steel eyes at the mug shot camera to try to distract us from all the face scratches and bruises he got in the crash. Randy was charged with DWI and for threatening an officer.
Okay, so Randy was as nekkid as nekkid can and threatened to shoot up all those cops, and he all he got was a pair of paper pants and a few charges? If that you or me, the cops would’ve tased us straight in the culo until our genitals started coughing up black smoke. But yet Randy gets paper pants. I want paper pants!
I guess driving like a mess while fully clothed is totally yesterday. The new thing is driving like a mess while your nipples are kissing air. Let’s hope that Lindsay Lohan doesn’t start following this new trend.