Remember those pictures from like a day ago of Brigitte Nielsen doing a spot-on impersonation of all of us by throwing herself a daytime drunk party for one in the middle of a park in Studio City, CA? Well, Gitte told Radar that she’s perfectly fine and things aren’t bad as they looked in those pictures. So what if Gitte was guzzling down a bottom shelf vodka that I wouldn’t even use to disinfect my asshole with (I’m lying). So what if Gitte looked like she was buying wine in the park parking lot. So what if Gitte looked like a broke off, boozed up Big Foot stumbling into the brush to look for a discarded bottle of beer to suckle on. She just fell face first off the wagon and took a little nap before getting back on. Gitte explained it like this:
“I would like to thank all my fans as well as my friends from the Hollywood community for the heart warming calls and emails about those unfortunate and dramatic pictures. Looking at the pictures I can understand the level of worrying, but I can assure everyone that there is no cause for alarm. I have been on the road working non-stop for such a long time, fulfilling my professional commitments, shooting shows around the world with all the pressure that comes with it.
That combined with major health issues in my family drove me to the unfortunate circumstances that you can see on the pictures. At that moment in time, I felt like I needed a moment to myself, in a park. The vodka came about as a desperate move to try to release some pressure and is under no circumstances an indication of how I lead my life on a day to day basis.”
[My mother] is extremely ill. I just haven’t been coping well with my mother’s illness. I’m not making any excuses for my actions. I have spoken to my sponsor from Alcoholics Anonymous, and I continue to go to meetings. I’m committed to my sobriety, and I’m not going to let this momentary relapse define me. I’m not perfect, and I’m battling a disease, and yes, there will be setbacks, but I know what I need to do in order to be healthy.”
Well, it’s good that Foofy Foofy’s former soulmate has taken her marked seat on the wagon again and she wasn’t lying about being desperate. I mean, desperation’s official drink of choice is Popov vodka. Nothing says “I am all fresh out fucks to give” like guzzling down a vodka that is made of the potato chip crumbs left at the bottom of a bowl at the end of a party.