BREAKING: Morrissey Still Hates The British Royals

August 6, 2012 / Posted by:

If you were hoping that during the Spice Girls’ performance at the Olympics closing ceremony on Sunday night, Morrissey and The Queen will come out holding hands to shake their titties around Posh Spice, I’ve got news for you, it’s not going to happen. Morrissey is still a lump of glum and he would rather have a threesome with Diana Ross and Steve Wonder in China than spend another minute putting his eyes on the Olympic coverage. Morrissey went on his site and rage typed out a long rant on the Olympics even though he totally doesn’t watch the Olympics. Since this Morrissey we’re talking about, he obviously threw in a Nazi reference.

And, yet! I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism? The “dazzling royals” have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press. It is lethal to witness. As London is suddenly promoted as a super-wealth brand, the England outside London shivers beneath cutbacks, tight circumstances and economic disasters. Meanwhile the British media present 24-hour coverage of the “dazzling royals”, laughing as they lavishly spend, as if such coverage is certain to make British society feel fully whole. In 2012, the British public is evidently assumed to be undersized pigmies, scarcely able to formulate thought.
As I recently drove through Greece I noticed repeated graffiti seemingly everywhere on every available wall. In large blue letters it said WAKE UP WAKE UP. It could almost have been written with the British public in mind, because although the spirit of 1939 Germany now pervades throughout media-brand Britain, the 2013 grotesque inevitability of Lord and Lady Beckham (with Sir Jamie Horrible close at heel) is, believe me, a fate worse than life. WAKE UP WAKE UP.

I don’t know why, but to me “jingoism” sounds like a condition when a dude’s jizz is so coagulated that it won’t come out of his peen hole.

Morrissey is telling lies, he’s telling lies! That human black cloud is hooked on the Olympics. I can tell. You know how when you watch porn, you keep a browser tab (with Masterpiece Theater on it, obviously) open in case somebody walks in on you? You quickly click over to Masterpiece Theater so it looks like you’re just getting cultured instead of getting off. Morrissey does the opposite of that. Morrissey watches the Olympics and keeps a browser tab (with porn on it) open in case somebody walks in on him. And when Morrissey lets out a wall-shaking groan at the sight of the “dazzling royals” at the Olympics, he can just say that the porn he was watching was so hot that it made him cum through his mouth. Morrissey can’t fool me.

And here’s the “dazzling royals” smiling extra for Morrissey at some Olympic events yesterday.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >