Natalie Portman And That French Twirler Got Married

August 5, 2012 / Posted by:

I see you making a smug “My gold digger mission is complete!” face, Benjamin Millepied.

Natalie Portman and her ballerino piece Benjamin Millepied have been wearing wedding rings for months now even though they weren’t married in the legal sense, but they changed all that last night when they said vow stuff to each other under a chuppah (not this Chupa) at somebody’s house in Big Sur, CA. UsWeekly says they got married at around 8pm in the dark, but don’t ask them for anymore details, because they don’t have any right now. Even though no other details are known at this time, we can pretty much assume that Natalie’s vows included some quote from a philosopher none of us know and in lieu of gifts the bride and groom asked guests to plant a tree or broaden their minds by buying and reading a book on a subject that is foreign to them. NO JOKE. One of my friends went to a smart people wedding and the bride and groom didn’t want gifts, but they did want their guests to read a book and then to tell them about that book at the reception. Fuck that shit. I’m getting you a blender, bitch. This ain’t school. I’m just here for the cake.

If I was a guest at Natalie and Benjamin’s wedding, I’d be seriously disappointed if he didn’t perform his vows through interpretive dance. I’d ask for a refund for the outfit I bought for that occasion. If the groom is a ballet dancer, I would to see some TWIRLS! And no word yet if during the couple’s first dance, Natalie Portman did 85% or 5% of her own dancing.

Here’s some pictures from June of Natalie, Benjamin and their 1-year-old kid Aleph strolling through Paris.

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