Expect to see the headline “Los Angeles All Out Of Crack Rocks” when Scary Movie 5 starts shooting, because mess and messier will both be on the set, together. Lindsay Lohan’s comeback tour has already hit a basic cable disaster, a low-budget soft-core porn and now it’ll be hitting a piece of cinematic mastery that will probably win all the Razzies. E! News says that LiLo has officially signed on to do Scary Movie 5 and Charlie Sheen’s character will be back for more foolery. The Warlock and Crackzilla, together at last. Everybody run! I would say that this means The Rapture is definitely coming, but even the Four Horsemen and a swarm of locusts don’t want to be around when those two wrecks get together.
The only good that can come from this is if LiLo and Charlie run out of the bad shit and booze during filming and start to turn on each other. You know how in Wackiki Wabbit when those two starving castaways are so delirious with hunger that they start to imagine each other as delicious food? That’s totally going to happen to LiLo and Charlie. Their trailers will be completely dry of all mind-altering substances and they’ll start to go delirious as they sober up. LiLo will then picture Charlie as a fat line of coke and snort him up. Let’s hope that happens.
And here’s some backstage footage from the future of LiLo and Charlie on set together: