Ryan Lochte Is Not A Hit And Quit It Slut
Mama Lochte joined Debbie Phelps in the spirit animal ranch in my heart the other day when she basically called her son a big whore who should win a gold medal in sluttin'. Ike Lochte told Today that Ryan doesn't have time for a girlfriend and the only thing he really has time for is to make orgasm waves with a one-time trick. UsWeekly decided to make shit extra awkward by asking Ryan Lochte what he has to say about his mom talking about his peen's travels. Ryan says he has never had a one night stand and that his mom is new to this media game and didn't really know what she was saying. Swimming answer's to Chet Haze put it like this:
"They took it out of context. My mom is really new to all of this and the media. She meant since the last 4 years I just wanted to focus on swimming, and I didn't really have time for a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I want to give that person my entire heart and I wasn't able to ever do that because of swimming. I'm always on the go. So what she meant is that I do go out on dates. But its not that thing that everyone is talking about, because that's not me. I've never done that and never have been like that, so I don't want people to think that about me."
Maybe Mama Lochte is like my mom and sometimes she accidentally mixes up phrases. Like a couple of summers ago, I was going to the store and my mom was trying to tell me to pick up some fruit punch, but she told me to pick up some donkey punch instead. (!!!!) I didn't want to know how, when or where she learned that shit. I just blamed myself, because she probably learned it from listening to me and I made a mental note that if I ever come into a whole lot of money, I need to start a beverage company called Donkey Punch.
And really? "I want to give that my person my entire heart." That's what a slut says when they don't want to sound like a slut! They also say shit like, "I just don't have time for a relationship, but I do have time to hump on a new piece every night."
This ho is lying. I'm sure there are dozens of tricks out there who have listened to Ryan shout at them "I'm going for gold! I'm going to break a new record on your pussy, bitch" one time and one time only.
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Submitted by DiamondDogs on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:39pm.
@ Lucy Hot tubs and jacuzzis are even worse because they circulate that shit around like a gross fecal soup. *dry heaves*
Boiled turd soup! *projectile vomits*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:34pm.
Remember, he has a Wheaties box to hop on, he can't have the "slut" stain upon him.
The slut stain is probably what his oiled up torso left on that poor chair when he got up.
I noticed that his man-nipples and his stomach crease are making the same semi-disgusted face I am making. Now it's (thankfully) the only thing I can see.
Lucifer - I think I'd rather swim in the creek out back. Or the horse trough. I totally get skeeved at what people do in the pool.
Don't even get me started on water parks...
Everyone has done the one night stand thing.
Own your slut douche.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/03/2012 -1:34pm.
i guess that he forgot the interview he gave to the newspaper where he said the reason why he dumped his girlfriend was because he wanted to fuck anything with a pulse, boobs and a vagina at london.
slut please, dont be ashamed, own your shit, if you wanna share your dick cheese like a cock platter with quince, grapes, Camembert, triple cream brie and crackers, than do it and stand proud.
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Damn, excluding the cock, that made me hungry as hell.
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Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."
@ Lucy
Hot tubs and jacuzzis are even worse because they circulate that shit around like a gross fecal soup. *dry heaves*
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:21pm.
My Brazilian beach volleyball girls are kicking ass.
I need to watch that, but they're showing boring cycling here!
Lochte looks like primo douchebag Chet Haze in that photo.
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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:35pm.
Lochte just admitted to peeing in the pool.
Ugh. This is why I cannot use public pools: people spitting, pissing, shitting, cumming and menstruating in them.
My brother and his girlfriend were at the pools last weekend and the lifeguard made an announcement that someone had shat in the pool and they all had to get out. I would set myself on fire if I had been in that pool.
Let's hope Mom and "donkey punch" was a one time thing. Remember Sissy Spacek in Coal Miner's Daughter when she used "horny" on a radio interview repeatedly. If you hear donkey punch once more better sit her down.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:29pm.
o.k., i think that i can easily state that we are all going to CindyBman's place for Thanksgiving this year!... just for the family conversation alone!LOL!
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Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:28pm.
My husband and I are going to write a book.
Our people KILL us with some of the stuff they say.
Your poor old aunt!
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Thanksgiving will be a hoot! My parents will be there plus my 96 year old Grandma. That's a 100% guaranteed Someone Will Say Something Crazy Uncomfortable situation! Add other assorted relatives and copious amount of liquor... you'll have a ten-volume book set to publish! :)
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
LOOPY!!!!!!! You fucking crack me up!
"slut please, dont be ashamed, own your shit, if you wanna share your dick cheese like a cock platter with quince, grapes, Camembert, triple cream brie and crackers, than do it and stand proud."
Lochte just admitted to peeing in the pool.
http://m.tmz.com/article_head.ftl?id=http://www.tmz.com/2012/08/03/ryan-...
Someone please come potty train this man child.
This is so transparent. He is now trying to cover up the truth because there was such a backlash over the comment.
Remember, he has a Wheaties box to hop on, he can't have the "slut" stain upon him.
'
Yes he's a dopey douche, but God he looks awesome in that pic.
"I don't know her." - Mimi
i guess that he forgot the interview he gave to the newspaper where he said the reason why he dumped his girlfriend was because he wanted to fuck anything with a pulse, boobs and a vagina at london.
slut please, dont be ashamed, own your shit, if you wanna share your dick cheese like a cock platter with quince, grapes, Camembert, triple cream brie and crackers, than do it and stand proud.
*gets a ShamWow for snowy*
"is like my mom and sometimes she accidentally mixes up phrases."
My daughter says I have word vomit:) It's true.
We do mix shit up, picking up half cool things and mixing it with very uncool things. LOL
Submitted by mike on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:28pm.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:22pm.
i smell a whole bunch of bull pucky coming from this guy's statement.
His manager informed him that his one-night-stand rep could potentially cost him sponsors.
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Wheaties is a harsh mistress!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
He reminds me of the 19 -21 yr old douchebags that would come to the gym to lift weights and watch themselves in the mirror. They reeked of cologne and felt they were too cool to wipe their sweat off the equipment afterwards. I hated them with the force of a thousand suns.
I agree with MK, I think his mom mixed up phrases. But if she meant to say that, then he obviously gets his "durr" from his mom. They seem to be at the Tan Mom IQ level.
Three Tens for Ryan! Nobody needs another slut muscle boy. It's the era of the Virgin Athlete and we can't have enough of them. Ol' Mommzie needs to go find a Conasta Club to keep her busy until Ryan decides to tell her she's getting the grandbaby she so clearly craves.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:29pm.
and I seriously doubt the "ladies" want to wake up and watch your dumbass sitting around the breakfast nook the next morning guffawing over the morning paper's Beetle fucking Bailey comic strip and asking her to pull your finger....
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Oh. My. God. You are freaking awesome!
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
He gives off an all around generic douchebag vibe. Kinda like douchebag flavored Tofu.
Submitted by mike on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:17pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:24pm.
Damn straight. I'm single. I like it like that. Wanna go out? Okay, no hard feelings. Who's your friend?
Own it, if they can't handle the truth, they can step.
***************
Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."
Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:21pm.
Dear lord what is happening in this picture?? He looks like a European rapper/prostitute endorsing a furniture store.
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You hit the nail right on the head! You made me snort! There's more joke here, but my brain is not providing me any help with coming up with something.
The Kathy Ireland Collection
The Cindy Crawford Collection
Martha Stewart
aaannnnnnd...
The Ryan Lochte Collection
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
Make it go away, please.
Maybe this is his recovery statement from "my mom totally cockblocked my ass."
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"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008
"We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by CindyBman on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:24pm.
o.k., i think that i can easily state that we are all going to CindyBman's place for Thanksgiving this year!... just for the family conversation alone!LOL!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
and I seriously doubt the "ladies" want to wake up and watch your dumbass sitting around the breakfast nook the next morning guffawing over the morning paper's Beetle fucking Bailey comic strip and asking her to pull your finger....
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by CindyBman on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:24pm.
Yes. Parents say the darndest things!
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My husband and I are going to write a book.
Our people KILL us with some of the stuff they say.
Your poor old aunt!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:24pm.
You just lost points in my book, MC Douchebag... Ain't no shame in a man-whore's game. Own it.
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SUPPRESSOR!!!
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:22pm.
i smell a whole bunch of bull pucky coming from this guy's statement.
His manager informed him that his one-night-stand rep could potentially cost him sponsors.
snowy, you have a chance! He CAN be faithful!
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That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in
Even Dr. Ruth talked smack about dude's mom being his wingman, ROFL
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"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008
"We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Just STFU and swim you grill wearing douche.
Yes. Parents say the darndest things!
I can't remember what the conversation was,but, my husband, Mom, Dad and me were at home eating dinner and we were talking about (dammit, I can't remember) but whatever it was - it wasn't perverted - and then my Dad says, "I pound your mother every night!" Chris and I just about died on-the-spot and Mom and Dad were just eating their dinner, la la la. Well, we quickly told them what that meant!
Another time my Mom said, "I love to toss salad." Okay. Another lesson.
And my most awesome Aunt Rita - a devout Catholic - she's passed now but she was 80 at the time, once innocently said, "I don't want to blow my wad early..." I died. But she was meaning she had some money to spend on vacation and didn't want to spend it all so soon at the beginning of the holiday. I never corrected her. She would have been absolutely mortified to know what she had said!
I'm 46 now and I'm wondering when *I'm* going to start saying things like this! :)
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
God, he is such a douche! Shut up and swim, boy.
I accused my mother of faux clutching her pearls.
She responded that she wasn't spinning her pearls.
It made me cackle like a hen inside.
I'm surprised there's not more "Yo" and "Bro" in his statement. but whatevs, Id still hit it hard
I want to slap his momma...it's all her fault!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
You just lost points in my book, MC Douchebag... Ain't no shame in a man-whore's game. Own it.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rly1ZZ076G8&feature=related ~ Kenny Powers
He is all yours ladies. He might have a good body and face but he has negative 1000 sex appeal. I don't do douchey. No thank you.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
HE'S A FUCKING DOUCHTARD SUPREME!!!FUCK THIS FUCKING PREENING DICKHEAD!!!HATE HIM! And yes, I would!!!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I have no problems with a Hit And Quit It Slut with Ryan Lochte.
i smell a whole bunch of bull pucky coming from this guy's statement.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Dear lord what is happening in this picture?? He looks like a European rapper/prostitute endorsing a furniture store.
UGH! I thought I couldn't hate him more than I already do, BUT after seeing his sheltered workshop mug on here twice in one day, I officially hate him more than Snookie.
In more important news: My Brazilian beach volleyball girls are kicking ass.
He just broke my slutty heart.