Ryan Lochte Is Not A Hit And Quit It Slut

August 3, 2012 / Posted by:

Mama Lochte joined Debbie Phelps in the spirit animal ranch in my heart the other day when she basically called her son a big whore who should win a gold medal in sluttin’. Ike Lochte told Today that Ryan doesn’t have time for a girlfriend and the only thing he really has time for is to make orgasm waves with a one-time trick. UsWeekly decided to make shit extra awkward by asking Ryan Lochte what he has to say about his mom talking about his peen’s travels. Ryan says he has never had a one night stand and that his mom is new to this media game and didn’t really know what she was saying. Swimming answer’s to Chet Haze put it like this:

“They took it out of context. My mom is really new to all of this and the media. She meant since the last 4 years I just wanted to focus on swimming, and I didn’t really have time for a relationship. When I’m in a relationship, I want to give that person my entire heart and I wasn’t able to ever do that because of swimming. I’m always on the go. So what she meant is that I do go out on dates. But its not that thing that everyone is talking about, because that’s not me. I’ve never done that and never have been like that, so I don’t want people to think that about me.”

Maybe Mama Lochte is like my mom and sometimes she accidentally mixes up phrases. Like a couple of summers ago, I was going to the store and my mom was trying to tell me to pick up some fruit punch, but she told me to pick up some donkey punch instead. (!!!!) I didn’t want to know how, when or where she learned that shit. I just blamed myself, because she probably learned it from listening to me and I made a mental note that if I ever come into a whole lot of money, I need to start a beverage company called Donkey Punch.

And really? “I want to give that my person my entire heart.” That’s what a slut says when they don’t want to sound like a slut! They also say shit like, “I just don’t have time for a relationship, but I do have time to hump on a new piece every night.

This ho is lying. I’m sure there are dozens of tricks out there who have listened to Ryan shout at them “I’m going for gold! I’m going to break a new record on your pussy, bitch” one time and one time only.

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