Taylor Swift Really Wants To Be Taylor Kennedy

The Kennedy curse is still a real thing and nowadays when you marry a Kennedy, the government not only makes you fill out a marriage license, but they also make you fill out your own death certificate at the same time. But Taylor Swift doesn’t care that she’s winking at the Grim Reaper, because she’s always been obsessed with the Kennedy family and now that she’s dating Conor Kennedy, the 18-year-old son Robert Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Kennedy, all her dreams are coming true. And as Taylor’s dreams come true, all of Martha Vineyard’s nightmares are coming true since she’s totally going to name drop them in a song now.

People says that last January, Taylor went to Sundance to watch the HBO documentary about Conor’s grandma Ethel and a month later she slobbered while telling Vogue that she was so starstruck when she met Caroline and Ethel Kennedy. Taylor got to spend an afternoon with Ethel Kennedy and I’m saying right now that she used that lady to get in with Conor Kennedy. That shameless, social ladder-climbing, bale of hay-looking harlot! And who the hell climbs the social ladder to get into the Kennedy family? Because when you do that, there’s a dark cloud of doom waiting for you at the end of the ladder.

People also says that Taylor and Conor have been dating for around 2 months and she is completely “swept off her feet.” When isn’t this trick swept off her feet? Somebody really needs to secretly stick weights in her Mary Janes, because I’m so sick of her always getting swept up off the ground and shit. All shade aside, 22-year-old Taylor dating an 18-year-old boy fresh out of still in high school makes sense. Taylor has the maturity of a Flower Faeries sticker and he’s really young so he probably thinks it’s cute when she sends him a handwritten love note folded into a heart shape.