Ryan Lochte's Mom Keeps It TOO Real
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta trick, K. Michelle (Side note: If I was dyslexic and a drag queen, K. Michelle would be my drag name. No, I'm not dyslexic. You learn something new, I know.), shook her head no yesterday at the rumor that nine-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is tapping his American flag grill on her coochie full-time. K. Michelle says they're only really good friends (Translation: she licks the chlorine off his peen every and and again). Well, according to Ryan Lochte's mom, Ike Lochte, K. Michelle is telling the truth, because she told Today that her son is too busy winning medals and stuff, and he really doesn't have time for anything beyond a fuck and run.
When asked about Ryan's personal life, Ike Lochte was fresh out of fucks to give when she said this about his free agent peen: “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”
I love how she didn't even try to keep it vague by saying that he dates around and doesn't dip into anything serious. Ike Lochte just came out and said he's a hit it and quit it kind of slut. Debbie Phelps has some competition as the Olympic mother who wins my heart. But you know, I'm sure Ike Lochte being blunt as hell isn't going to embarrass Ryan. Ryan is too busy still trying to figure out the answer to the question "What's 7 times 4?" If you watch only one thing today, watch this priceless video of Ryan's greatest interview moments. If a perma-stoned Ryan Phillippe played Joey in Blossom, it would sort of look like this:
So many gems, but my favorite part is when he says that his cell phone screensaver is a picture of his brain.
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ditquoi: You birfed your babeh? Congrats! Hurray! Please tell us your birf story in OP one of these days. I'm a total hen and love to hear them!
Jeez, that was painful to watch.
Sure, a lot of the questions were really stupid, but he sounds like he suffered a massive brain injury at some point in his life.
For those saying he doesn't need to be smart and you'd hit it anyway, if he's dumb, he can't possibly be good in bed and imagine trying to *show* him. It would be like an episode of Barney.
Did not know who he was untill this article. Says a lot about me. But GOD DAMN HE IS STUPID! Thank the Lord he is cute because there is no brain to love. Another commenter mentioned Nathan Adrian, did not know who he was also, I had to Googlie him. WHAT A CUTIE! I dont want to see any interviews with him, if he is as "interesting","bright","deep",or "human" as Ryan Lochte it would ruin me.
I THINK HE IS SO FOINE!!!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:30am.
Congrats!!! ♥ ♥ I didn't know you'd had a baby.
my bad then, Lucy. I've been preoccupied...having a baby n shit. Carry on...
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:25am.
I could have sworn that he's fallen short of expectations
Nah, it's Michael Phelps everyone is laughing at right now.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:50am.
I for one am glad the smarts aren't the number one thing on a lot of women's checklist for sexy times...
Reciting a chapter of Crime and Punishment off-head to me is my idea of foreplay, jack, so you better GET GOOGLING.
Submitted by Janice Second on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:16am.
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:39am.
Did he finally win a medal? He was going the Bode Miller route for a second there, all sizzle, no steak.
Uh, he has nine.
I stand corrected, but I could have sworn that he's fallen short of expectations, hence the comparison to Bode, but Bode's not nearly in his league, I acknowledge.
K. Michelle shook her head no yesterday at the rumor that nine-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is tapping his American flag grill on her coochie full-time.
She wishes.
Ahahahahahah *Rocks for brains* You da bomb Michael K.
Submitted by Janice Second on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:16am.
Hahaha. They are hard to find and can be as elusive as bigfoot...but they DO exist. They tend to be the biggest assholes though....*sideeye to my last 3 exes*
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:06am.
Maybe his tricks are just using HIM for a one-night stand? I mean, imagine the breakfast chat...
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The only breakfast chat at my house would be "again."
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Submitted by ditquoi on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:39am.
Did he finally win a medal? He was going the Bode Miller route for a second there, all sizzle, no steak.
Uh, he has nine.
I was going to ask what university does he swim for, but after viewing the video thought it was a stupid question.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:12am.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:07am.
LOL, there are smart hot guys in this world ;)
WHERE?
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:06am.
Maybe his tricks are just using HIM for a one-night stand? I mean, imagine the breakfast chat...
LMAO!
"Soo....you want Froot Loops or Fruity Pepples? What was your name?"
There is dumb, and then there is ignorant,which is on a whole nother level. This guy strikes me as dangerously ignorant, on a level with Lohan and Palin.
His alleged girlfriend looks as classy as Rihanna.
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Douchechill!
Dude went to the University of Florida (sorry, not sorry), majored in "sports management", wants to be a fashion designer, and has a "catchphrase" inspired by Young Jeezy and sells these on his website (http://blogs-images.forbes.com/lancemadden/files/2012/07/Jeah.jpg). And he's a professional athlete (they should NEVER be interviewed). Were you guys expecting a Mensa member?
That being said, I STILL WOULD, over and over. And I'd prefer it if he just didn't talk at all.
Maybe the reason he only does one night stands is the ignoramus factor. Chicks like the sex, but the vapid conversation the next morning chases them off. Y'all ever watch that Strange Sex TV show? On one episode this guy with a record-holding huge penis never had a real girlfriend, just one night stands, like hundreds of them.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:07am.
LOL, there are smart hot guys in this world ;)
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Is he borderline mentally challenged?! That being said, based on looks and body alone, I would swirl with him.
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Douchechill!
Oh sweet crap. Would not hit. Mr. Brooks isn't the smartest guy around, but he's not box of rocks stupid, like this guy, either. I really like a guy who can make me laugh and at least seems like they think thoughts deeper then a puddle.
The Spicoli comparison seems scarily accurate.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:52am.
I hate dumb guys. KILLS the hotness for me. Nerd alert, I know.
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*Pushes up black framed glasses with the masking tape the the middle*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya2xifdO_l0
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:00am.
OMG! I feel so bad :( Tell her of course it wasn't a jab at her.
ONTOPIC: Meh.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Maybe his tricks are just using HIM for a one-night stand? I mean, imagine the breakfast chat...
He is fuckin sexy and a lil rough around the edges which I like, not some perfect suburban boy from a perfect family. Doesn't have to be smart for what I need him for.
Would have hit it until he opened his mouth. Ryan Loc-Tite should just smile and say GO USA and leave it at that.
Oh, yeah, and if your MOTHER is saying you go out on one-night stands and she's even AWARE of your sexual habits, the entire family is just douchetastic.
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Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
I will admit that listening to him being interviewed is cringe-worthy.
I will also admit that I would hit that over and over and over. *shameface*
Normally, dumb dudes are a complete dealbreaker for me, but I would freely make an exception in this case.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
This guy come off so completely stupid it's unbelievable. He will never have a job as a sport commentator, his whole "grill for attention" ploy makes his looks like a pathetic Dbag. I wanted to like this guy but I just can't and I don't think he professionally represents your country very well. JMO
I know you ladies would like to bang the dumb out of him and the dude definitely is in great shape so I can't say i blame you. Sometimes brains don't mean a damn thing when you're getting it on.
Having said that do think the dude might just phase out on you right in the middle of your session? I could just see him mid stroke stop and with a big dopey huh... climb off you get up and go turn on cartoons.
Wellll... When he"s NOT racing.. Jeff Spicolli....The kid is lit like a Christmas tree. He's doing fine in recent interviews.. With all that pesky drug testing. I bet he misses his sneakers and bong.. And the order flips depending on the time of day..
My issues now have issues.. So take a number
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:58am.
I was laughing so fucking hard at I SAW YOU AT THE MALL with those big eyes... hahahahahaa My freak gf thought it was a jab at her HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said MissJane doesn't know you, settle.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Something is not fully connecting upstairs...Totally repulsed by his grill thing..now it all kind of fits. And yea, he inherited his mom's one brain cell.
MK, this post, ahahahaha!
Lochte better be careful with his "fuck and runs".
Remember Cristiano Ronaldo's famous oh-so-romantic "Me, you, fuck, fuck" pickup line? 9 months later that girl had Ronaldo's baby!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:54am.
You aren't dumb, SHADDDDUP!
You'll be my kids dad, you'll be my kids daaaaaaaad. Neeeeeeeeigh. I don't know why I thought that was so funny but I did.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
I agree with Hekki about him being you & not having a girlfriend. Look at Liam Hemsworth being entangled with that hillbilly whore Miley Cyrus; I bet that poor dude wants to take the gas pipe every morning when he wakes up looking at her ugly, hillbilly ass.
douchbag, douchbag...I'd much rather me some Nathan Adrian - hot, funny, doesn't take himself too seriously.
Yep, still would, even if he really belongs in the Special Olympics. And yes, I do believe him and that K. Michelle chick have hit it in on more than one occasion. There's photos of them together and a video of her proclaiming to be dating "a white boy with 8 gold medals"( yea, she's not to bright either) but his people are trying to keep it on the low because she's kinda hood aka black. Yet his brother and father have both been arrested on more than one occasion for DUIs and drug possession. And if your brain can handle it, please Google the entire video of Ryan and Billy Bush, you will literally feel your IQ dropping lol.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
i am stoned right now and let me tell you...i will NEVER be that stoned.
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One martini; Two at the most
3 I'm under the table; Four I'm under the host.
I would, but I'd gag him first, and not for the kinkiness.
Submitted by betseyfan2 on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 10:53am.
Dumb guys are ok. They're eager to please and with some patience, you can direct them.
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LOL... WOW!
MJT - :(
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by cocoebert: "...Though he looks like he'd be a distracted and lazy lover."
Distracted by looking in whatever reflective surface was around, trying to catch a look at how his pecs or glutes were looking. Yeah. Been there, done that.
The only advantage of fucking a guy like that is making some of your girlfriends jealous.
Ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Just sit there and look pretty.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
I'll never understand the desire to sex on someone just coz they're hot-bodied. Douchebags be douchebags...and sex with a douchebag is the WORST. *shudders while recalling*
Dumb guys are ok. They're eager to please and with some patience, you can direct them.
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
I hate dumb guys. KILLS the hotness for me. Nerd alert, I know.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
I for one am glad the smarts aren't the number one thing on a lot of women's checklist for sexy times... SHUDDUP, SNOWY!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Lisbet: On your avie--my dad has an eternal crush on Natalie Wood. Whenever I say something about an actress being pretty, his eyes glaze over, get a tiny bit misty, and he says, "Yeah, but she's no Natalie Wood."
Imagine Ike Lochte for mother in law. Yikes. Only skanks need apply. Nice job mom. Boundaries between mother and son are non existent. No wonder he is so inarticulate. Serious arrested development.
'hands Bad Mom Award of the day to Ike'