Ryan Lochte's Mom Keeps It TOO Real
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta trick, K. Michelle (Side note: If I was dyslexic and a drag queen, K. Michelle would be my drag name. No, I'm not dyslexic. You learn something new, I know.), shook her head no yesterday at the rumor that nine-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is tapping his American flag grill on her coochie full-time. K. Michelle says they're only really good friends (Translation: she licks the chlorine off his peen every and and again). Well, according to Ryan Lochte's mom, Ike Lochte, K. Michelle is telling the truth, because she told Today that her son is too busy winning medals and stuff, and he really doesn't have time for anything beyond a fuck and run.
When asked about Ryan's personal life, Ike Lochte was fresh out of fucks to give when she said this about his free agent peen: “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”
I love how she didn't even try to keep it vague by saying that he dates around and doesn't dip into anything serious. Ike Lochte just came out and said he's a hit it and quit it kind of slut. Debbie Phelps has some competition as the Olympic mother who wins my heart. But you know, I'm sure Ike Lochte being blunt as hell isn't going to embarrass Ryan. Ryan is too busy still trying to figure out the answer to the question "What's 7 times 4?" If you watch only one thing today, watch this priceless video of Ryan's greatest interview moments. If a perma-stoned Ryan Phillippe played Joey in Blossom, it would sort of look like this:
So many gems, but my favorite part is when he says that his cell phone screensaver is a picture of his brain.
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Loopy, who would you NOT hit? Lochte with Carol Channing? I find that hard to believe. If we put in front of you a torso with the face covered, I think lower Loopy, would not know the difference, how could he tell? lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by TrashyWilma on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:14pm.
I went to high school with this dipshit. I see nothing has changed.
I knew Phelps in High School (we didn't go to the same school). He's actually not a dumbass. His mom is awesome.
Oh gawd.
This is why I don't admire most athletes. This guy's main aspiration in life was to be able to swim in a line a hundredth of second faster than the guy swimming beside him. That's it.
I do like some of the gymnasts and that lady swimmer who broke the record recently but there are a lot of athletes who are just not that amazing, totally hollow people.
I also like that tiny Brit diver, Tom Daley but mainly because I want to see his junk.
Submitted by IBeLizzy on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:32pm.
To the "I still would" crowd. Take a look at some of his pictures here and tell me you still would. Hah!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/stacylambe/17-goofy-pics-from-ryan-lochtes-faceb...
Dear lord. The vests. The belts. The hats. His style is like a mix between Linda Perry and Charlie Sheen.
Channing Tatum needs to be beaten and skinned.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:16pm.
lol i still woulnt bonk him.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:13pm.
4,000!!! omg i better get into training for my male relay in brazil!
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:14pm.
I went to high school with this dipshit. I see nothing has changed.
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Did he actually graduate or did he get a "honorary" diploma for being able to swim fast?
I would like a poster size print to hang above my bed, please.
I don't care that he is dumb as rocks. I really do not care.
Hey hey hey Loopy, I watched TWO Channing Tatum O'neal movies on a flight recently and they were not what I expected. His plastic face caused no involuntary gagging during any of it. Most surprising, I actually laughed! *shameface*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I went to high school with this dipshit. I see nothing has changed.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:51pm.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:48pm.
have you heard about the dlist hors and my dream trip to the rio di janeiro 2016 olympic games??
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There is still room because, there was an error with our condom order, instead of 400, we ordered 4000. ooops
OnT: on that Brazil beach volleyball team guy, I could take a little bite of that back grill too. HAHAHA
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:08pm.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:06pm.
olololol @ that page name loopy!
lmfaoooooooo I don't want to know how loopy stumbled upon that website...
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some things are best left unknown
Submitted by CindyBman on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:02pm.
yeh he looks like he can go for hours and i agree with you bout guys like ryan, he would think he is a sex god. but my bet is during sexy times, you'd probably be laying there doing your shopping checklist, "milk check, plain flour check, pick up laundry check.." all the while he is like "baby baby oh baby yeah yeah whose your daddy, whats my name, touch my gold medal touch it"
and you are like "call dentist check, get new soles for heels...oh his done.. Thank GOD!!"
Loopy , nice link, but mr brazil looks to "Jesus-ey" for me....
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:06pm.
oooh yes lol and um its a NFSW site.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:06pm.
olololol @ that page name loopy!
lmfaoooooooo I don't want to know how loopy stumbled upon that website...
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:03pm.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:59pm.
yeh lol and people think ryan lochte and phelps are the best they can get
"Basic interchangeable vanilla douchebag" = most people's idea of a hot guy. That's why Channing Tatum has fans.
Does that piece of Brazilian perfection have a NAME perchance?
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um i cant find it, cuz the guys from other countries barely rate a mention on the news.
olololol @ that page name loopy!
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:59pm.
yeh lol and people think ryan lochte and phelps are the best they can get
"Basic interchangeable vanilla douchebag" = most people's idea of a hot guy. That's why Channing Tatum has fans.
Does that piece of Brazilian perfection have a NAME perchance?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:45pm.
um this is guy part of brazil's beach volleyball team???
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Holy-freaking-cannoli. Now *that's* a man who will know what to do with his... his... libido! Aye yi yi!
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:45pm.
Well, DAMN. Helllllllo.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
EDIT: "he" = Ryan Lochte
I think he would NOT be good in bed. I bet it would be "foreplay" that *he* thinks is amazing (i.e., what he has read in Penthouse Forum) and the sexy-sex-sex would be what *he* thinks is amazing and then it would be: rollover and sleep. Kinda' harsh -- just the vibe I get.
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Submitted by suckandfuck; Tue, 06/26/2012 -
Length looks better for porn but the girth is what your anus will remember the next day.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:55pm.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:45pm.
um this is guy part of brazil's beach volleyball team???
Sweet Jesus! He is perrrrrrrrfect.
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yeh lol and people think ryan lochte and phelps are the best they can get...clearly we all need to watch the other nations cuz their men are much finer!!
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:55pm.
ahhhhhhhh lol omg better keep me on a leash, cuz ill just be like a dog and go sniffing.
Submitted by Heroic Cupcake on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:23pm.
This guy is such a breath of fresh idiotic air compared to mutated sea monster Phelps.
LMFAO you're on fire today!
@ Loopy
We can make this happen, Loops. My cousin and her boyfriend live in Rio. I already told her I'm coming to those games to party. hahahaha You can be my guest.
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You are all infidels and heathens.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:45pm.
um this is guy part of brazil's beach volleyball team???
Sweet Jesus! He is perrrrrrrrfect.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:48pm.
have you heard about the dlist hors and my dream trip to the rio di janeiro 2016 olympic games?? brazilian guys are the hotness, i think i might need a masseuse cuz ill get a neck whiplash from turning around to look at all the hot guys.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:45pm.
um this is guy part of brazil's beach volleyball team???
http://menbulgesbuttssports.tumblr.com/image/28437638222
*falls over*
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Mmmmm, a lot of my family still lives in Brazil. I really need to go back there. I've forgotten how hot some of the men can be.
um this is guy part of brazil's beach volleyball team???
http://menbulgesbuttssports.tumblr.com/image/28437638222
*falls over*
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:40pm.
loopy, I just emailed this link to my friend and he came running over "I SEE PEEN I SEE PEEN!" LOLOLOLOLLO
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what i can say, we have peen zooming vision :P
The fact that his mom speaks so happily candidly about him having no time for anything other than one night stands speaks volumes to me.
I'd be telling people "pobresito, my son has no time for anything other than training he works so hard"
NOT
mah boy ain't interested in anything but one night stands BADA BING BADA BOOM if you know what I mean *wink*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
loopy, I just emailed this link to my friend and he came running over "I SEE PEEN I SEE PEEN!" LOLOLOLOLLO
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
i can see the outline of his mushroom head in that main pic teeeheee... i have peen zooming vision.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:07pm.
LEAVE LOCHTE ALOOOOOONE!!!!
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Right on Snowpiece!! LOVE Lochte!!!
First off, why is anyone listening to Ryan talk about himself? Hitting mute solves this. Also, he doesn't have webbed armpits. Another plus! hahahaha He's doable but only from this angle!
And he should definitely have words with his chatty Kathy Mom because wars have been started for indiscretions like that. Just sayin. SHUT IT MOM!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:06am.
Maybe his tricks are just using HIM for a one-night stand? I mean, imagine the breakfast chat...
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You're assuming there would be breakfast. I would hit that hard (in a shame fuck kind of way) but I'd go into it expecting a "Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids" conversation afterwards. As in "I really want you to leave now but I don't want to sound like a dick". At which point I'd get up and leave while probably hating myself (hence, the shame fuck label). But it would be fun while it lasted...
I hope he's not fucking K. Michelle. She's fug.
LMAO! "What defines me? 'Ryan Lochte'."
This guy is such a breath of fresh idiotic air compared to mutated sea monster Phelps.
Submitted by Lily85 on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:17pm.
OMG Loopy, I thought I was the only one who watched Cara Sucia
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OMG! lol you watched it too?!! ahhh estrella, she just couldn't win against that ho bag mother.
OMG Loopy, I thought I was the only one who watched Cara Sucia
LOL
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK
Submitted by lislop on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:41pm.
Sorry, admitting that you didn't train very hard for an Olympic race is a kick in the face whether you earned your initial spot or not.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:07pm.
Hahaha! Everything in life should be so simple!
Also, any Olympian parents PERIOD, should be met wit the mute and/or the on/off button.
I'm still sad that MK didn't write something about the Japanese gymnast, Kohei. He won gold yesterday and he looked so damn pretty. His perfectly coifed hair and eyebrows stayed perfect the entire time.
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You are all infidels and heathens.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:59pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:56pm.
1. see Costas, Seacrest, Billy Bush, Lochte and/or Phelps in street clothes, Lochte and/or Phelps family member, and/or any non-athlete celebrity not named Queen Liz
2. reach for remote control
3. apply mute or channel selection
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
LEAVE LOCHTE ALOOOOOONE!!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I'd still let him hit it, Hard.
I can't stand this tool bag and this piece covers every reason why... I hate fame whores, like the Real Housewives, Love & Hip Hop, etc. etc., so the fact he's apart of that scene just dumbs down his accomplishments in the pool. I could hold a better conversation with my fish than him.
And I'd like to buy a beer for whoever yanked a verbal knot in his ass at the Olympics when he wanted to take the medal stand with his f'n GRILL in....
I know there's not the extreme rivalry between him and Phelps like the media blows it up to be and I know Phelps pretty much doesn't give too much of a shit at this point, but I REALLY wish Phelps had owned his ass the whole time.
Submitted by scig on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:04pm.
LOL!